There's a demon inside of me. Can I kill it?

What's so bad about finding someone like that? What are you afraid of exactly?

What's so bad about finding someone like that? What are you afraid of exactly?

Good question. The first part is that emotions bother and perturb me because they make me feel like I'm being controlled by something out of my power. In general I am very logic and left-brained, so feelings confuse the shit out of me. I've been reading some zen monk writings to cultivate the art of mindfulness, but I still need a lot of practice. The second part is that I've always told myself that I wouldn't let myself catch real feelings for someone. This is a fail-safe mechanism I developed to keep myself aloof and invincible. I would be curious to hear if anyone else has developed and subsequently stripped away this emotional shield?

by letting your guard down.

This is inherently difficult for me, I feel naked and vulnerable if I do so. I always have a guard up. For everything. Even after taking down my guard there is still a hidden guard somewhere. I'd like to do away with all of the guards for now. I just need to find all of them, which is taxing.

I think that the change you desire will only come with time. Until then, you'll just have to catch yourself and redirect your thoughts.

Surprisingly succinct for a computer!

Way to completely ignore my constructive criticism...

This is inherently difficult for me, I feel naked and vulnerable if I do so. I always have a guard up. For everything. Even after taking down my guard there is still a hidden guard somewhere. I'd like to do away with all of the guards for now. I just need to find all of them, which is taxing.

Like all things in your head, you can ignore them even if you have created them.

Good point. But it's taken me years to build them up. It's gonna take some time to break them back down.

Well good thing is, you have finally realized what your first step is in the 12 step program.

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Shutup skittles.

So I just saw her again, and it was awesome. Thanks for the comments guys.

I've been reading some zen monk writings to cultivate the art of mindfulness, but I still need a lot of practice

How has this come along? I actually had a somewhat Anxiety attack about a week ago, thought I may be schizo or something, I don't know what was going on, but I feel better now and with the help of mindfulness I think a switch may have been flipped on how to manage myself, along with stress. Anyways, what are your thoughts and experiences on this?

It's like dieting. It has to be maintained and consciously pursued, otherwise you'll fall back into your old habits. If you can maintain the practice then it is very helpful.

You could always try Tea, Milk and Ramen. It's good for the arms.

I don't think so.

Me either, but orange juice is always nice.