Drinking Stories

October 2006...I get my nice Columbia coat stolen.

It's a great party. Literally 4 blocks from my house, down town. I was just chilling in school one day, and my friend Laura tells me she has a bottle of liquor that she doesn't like. It happens to be Jim Beam Whiskey, which I have never had. So, after school, my best bud Jake (Arkantis) procures the bottle. I have to work 5-9 at Hardees that night, so I was a tad late to the party. Anyways, after I had showered and was presentable to the party, I show up a tiny bit before 11. It's a chill party, everyone's dancing, sharing pricelss moments. I meet up with Jake and his cousin, and we do four odd shots. I'm feeling good, and then someone offers a vsop shot to me. Of course I can't turn it down. I'm feeling really good, and the apartment had finally heated up, so I put my jacket on a nice couch. Bad idea, this sucker cost me 200 bucks, on sale. It was so warm. Anyways, Jake and I started to down the rest of the Liter of Jim Beam, much to our dismay. Next thing I know, I am lunging into the bathroom, my vomit finding the toilet. Not two minutes later Jake sprawls into the bathroom, puking his guts out. Something must have been wrong with the Jim Beam. After 'chilling' out and puking our guts out, the host gives each of us a pillow and blanket, and shows us into Monica's room. He says to pass out anywhere, just 'don't make a mess'. So I go to the far corner and do so, my best bud stays near the door. I should've retrieved my coat.

Next morning, the host , Jeff's dad comes around 10AM to pick him up. He was going on some sort of family vacation, so we had to leave. I look around everywhere, and can't find my coat. It was October, and quite cold out, so I was really pissed. Jake gave me his light jacket, and we made it to the Ulmer Cafe for breakfast. I'm just so apalled that my coat got stolen; I can't even enjoy the morning after meal. As we part ways, I promise to give my friend his jacket back. Keep in mind I was only 16, so explaining to my rents that I needed a new coat didn't go down so well. A few months later I saw it in the back of a car, but he pulled away too quickly. Shady fuckers suck, and Jim Bean should never be consumed.

Sounds to me like that's your fault. Getting drunk and leaving your personal items unattended usually doesn't pan out.

Drinking stories, eh? Alright, here goes:

This was a couple of years ago, I'd say in '05 so I was about 17-18 at the time. My buddy's mom is a big stoner and she's really cool with all of us. So, one week one of her friends goes out of town and she says we can go over there to party if we can't find anywhere else. Sure, why not. So the 8 of us decide to go over there. We're not planning on throwing a party, per se, we're just gonna chill and drink. We don't want to trash a house that's not ours so we don't invite anybody over there except for the people my buddy's mom said was cool to go there.

So this is going pretty good. We've got about 2 cases of budweiser between the 8 of us and at that time, I didn't like beer so I'd be smashed off of like 4. About an hour and a half into it, somebody knocks on the door. We're all like WTF do we do.. this isn't our house. My friend Ted (the dude with the cool mom) decides to answer the door. It's some guy that is friends with the house-owners and he's looking for them. At this point in time we're all semi-drunk so our answers range from the following:
- "I've owned this house for several years, how dare you question my integrity."
- "Get the fuck out of here!"
- "They're not here so we're partying in their absence."
- "FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT QUIT PESTERING US."

As you can see, these are horrible responses to the situation at hand.

I have like 9 beers and proceed to go into the bathroom because I am FUBAR. Seriously, 9 beers to me at this time got me SMASHED. So I go into the bathroom to puke and I end up passing out on the floor. While laying there for an hour, the first thing I see when I open my eyes is a cop standing over me.

Apparently this is what happened: the guy that came to the door called the cops on us. When the cops arrived they were staking out the place, and one of my friends was pissing in the front yard. Cop sees this, which gives him ample reason to come in the house and start fucking shit up.

Back to the cop standing over me: I am promptly put in handcuffs no questions asked. He takes me out into the dining room and starts searching me. As I'm handcuffed being searched, all of my friends are sitting on the couches watching the drunkest person there get handcuffed and searched. I look to them and mouth a "What the fuck!?" And guess what!!? I have a pipe and about an 8th in my pocket. Fucking fantastic. After he takes the weed he tells me to go sit on the couches with the rest of my friends. After sitting there for about 1.5 minutes, I realize I have to puke again. I go to the screen door that is in the living and am begging the cop to open it for me because I'm about to vomit everywhere. So he lets me go out there. Looking back on it, it's so surreal. I am in this random backyard, handcuffed, puking my brains out.

To end this story, none of us got in trouble. They made me flush my weed down the toilet, we had to dump the beers, break the bong we had, and call our parents to come pick us up. Come to find out, when my friends saw me starting to get searched they stuffed their weed in the couch coushins. They had time to prepare. I didn't.

Summary: The drunkest person there got handcuffed and fucked with for no apparent reason. Yay for underage drinking!

Did my story kill this thread?

.....did you get laid?

Sadly, no.

You are quite lucky there, Than, my man. Although, I would think that most cops would do something like that to kids, so long as they weren't pestering neighbors or vandalising anything.

I have one that was almost a fight...

I don't really drink, I go to have a good time and hopefully get to drive my homie's Camaro, if he gets too drunk (never happened). So, I stick to the sweet beer, because I don't like beer but I have to have at least two to stay there. I had 2 of those Mojito beer things... yeah anyways, they were alright. I also know one of the dancers there, but there's a story behind that. So anyways, I see this one dude with a shaved head, and a big red jacket on walking around trying to give people hard looks. Me and my homie are chilling with our backs to the bar, when one of his friends that he knew for about 2 years sees him. He starts his conversation, and Red (that's what we called him) approaches me. He mumbles some wanna be gang bullshit, so I just lean my shoulder away from him, so as to turn my back to him. I know, you should never turn your back on an enemy, but it's all good, because there was a mirror behind the bar, and I could keep an eye on him.

He just turned away, and went to sit on the end of the bar. I guess as he was walking past my homie and his chick friend, he mumbled something rude. He comes up to me and asks, "Dude, what's up with your friend?" (We always call people the other one's friend in a joking manner like that...) I go, "Fucker ain't my friend, but he's liable to get knocked the fuck out tonight if he keeps his shit up..."

About this time, I am just watching him, not trying to get involved in anything. Then the worst possible thing happens. Another drunken idiot, who we called Jesus (Dressed in all white, had a beard and long wavy hair), decided to introduce himself to Red. Not more than an introduction is spoken between them, when they approach the bar, and are pretty close to me. Red mentions he's not from California. Jesus plays to this and says it's obvious, becuause he notices people punking him. No one has so much as even taken notice to Red, let alone square up with him. Jesus starts going on about Cali hard is alot different than anywhere else. To be Cali hard, you have to treat people like shit. You have to show respect to no one. If you shake someone's hand, you need to jerk them around, to show them that you have power over them, and you won't hesitate to kill them. THEN, he tells Red to go try it out!!! So Red approaches this one dude, who actually just happened to get out of jail. He goes up, tries to shake his had, the "Cali" way. The guy just shakes it... and lets go. Red asks to shake his hand again, and the guy lets him. The guy is staring at Red now, like "What the fuck is he trying to do?" because Red is squeezing his hand with what looks to be all his strength, and concentrating on jerking the hand around. You know the look... with your brow all wrinkled up, staring at whatever it is your has your concentration, as though the workings of said device were completely new to you. Yeah, so anyways, Red gives up after the third try, and the guy just stares at him while he walks away, with a major puzzled look on his face. So, Red retreats to the soft feathery robes of Jesus for more "Cali" lessons. Jesus then starts telling him that ALL women are whores. All these dancers are here for is to fuck you when you pay them. Don't show the women respect, because they are worse than the dudes. The 'bitches' will walk all over you if you are nice.

By this time, I have to get away, because he also starts going off on black people. Now for me, respect is the MOST important thing in my life. I mean, if I had a choice to be well respected and broke, or not respected at all and rich, I would rather be broke and well respected. So, back to the story, I get away, and just start watching my friend finishing her song up on stage. Another dancer goes up there, and then I notice Red. He goes up and sits near the stage, at about half way through the song. I notice him throwing shit at the dancer, but I don't know what it is. Finally the dancer has enough, and just sits on stage, playing with her phone. Red continues to throw shit at her. By now, I realize, "This mother fucker is throwing PENNIES at the dancer!?!?!" The song ends, he ties up the rest of the bag of his pennies, and throws the bag at her. He leaves the stage seating area, and goes to talk more "Cali hard-ness" with Jesus again. I notice my homie talking with the dude fresh out of jail. Come to find out, they were just talking about Red! I told my homie and the other dude, that I was about to fucking stomp Red's head in if he came up to me and mumbled ANY thing that resembled what Jesus was preaching about. I informed them what had happened, all the way up to the pennies. Now, my homie was in a gang, and the dude fresh out of jail said he used to be in a race gang. Then, the big news hits. My dancer friend comes up to me, and tells me that Red, asked her how much to have sex. She told him she wasn't a whore, and he spit on her.

Now, this fucker done went too far. I figured he had gone to the bathroom, so I look for my homie. I see him and the jail dude, just near the end of the bar nearest the door, when Red is approached by the bouncer and asked to leave. I stroll over to them, interested in what's going on, and find out they were 2 seconds away from just taking flight on him and Jesus. I told my homie and the other dude about him spitting on my dancer friend. We both kind of gave her the third degree, as to why she didn't say something to us earlier, but we were just glad that she didn't get hurt. Plus she said she slapped him.

So, it was just drama, no fighting, but I really wish it was.