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Pilot Gripes...
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Posted 2005-03-13, 12:32 PM
He he he...funny...

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Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, submitted by QUANTAS pilots, and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

************************************************** *******

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

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Once again, something taken from www.viralbank.com
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Posted 2005-03-13, 01:10 PM in reply to Lenny's post "Pilot Gripes..."
Pretty funny.
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Posted 2005-03-13, 01:22 PM in reply to Lenny's post "Pilot Gripes..."
That second one is kinda scary if you think about it. I'm imagining the pilot just taking his hands off the controls and dropping the last 15 feet, thinking the computer is messed up.


KagomJack said:
My girth isn't anything to bitch and moan about in long, elaborate paragraphs.
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JRwakebord enjoys the static noises of ten television sets simultaneously tuned to 412.84 MHzJRwakebord enjoys the static noises of ten television sets simultaneously tuned to 412.84 MHz
 
 
JRwakebord
 



 
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Posted 2005-03-22, 07:25 AM in reply to JRwakebord's post starting "That second one is kinda scary if you..."
My favourite has to be the one:

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
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Lenny
 



 
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Posted 2005-03-22, 02:08 PM in reply to Lenny's post starting "My favourite has to be the one: P:..."
My favorite one was in which you SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DIE!!

And changed your sig to the less ugly variant.
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Grav never puts off to tomorrow what can be done the day after tomorrowGrav never puts off to tomorrow what can be done the day after tomorrowGrav never puts off to tomorrow what can be done the day after tomorrowGrav never puts off to tomorrow what can be done the day after tomorrowGrav never puts off to tomorrow what can be done the day after tomorrow
 
 
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Posted 2005-03-22, 02:43 PM in reply to Lenny's post "Pilot Gripes..."
Coconut
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Sovereign enjoys the static noises of ten television sets simultaneously tuned to 412.84 MHzSovereign enjoys the static noises of ten television sets simultaneously tuned to 412.84 MHz
 
 
Sovereign
 



 
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Posted 2005-03-22, 11:49 PM in reply to Sovereign's post starting "Coconut"
Badger?


KagomJack said:
My girth isn't anything to bitch and moan about in long, elaborate paragraphs.
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JRwakebord enjoys the static noises of ten television sets simultaneously tuned to 412.84 MHzJRwakebord enjoys the static noises of ten television sets simultaneously tuned to 412.84 MHz
 
 
JRwakebord
 



 
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Posted 2005-03-23, 03:49 AM in reply to JRwakebord's post starting "Badger?"
Badger?? Badger badger? Badger... badger badger! Baaadger badger, bad..ger... badger badger badger...mushroom mushroom!

He he he...

----------

Seen the Two Towers version of it??

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/25/
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