Jokes Thread!

What do 3 million abused women do wrong every year?
They dont fucking listen


What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you already told her twice.


How many women does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.


Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.


What do you do when your dishwasher doesn't work?
Slap her.


Why did the woman cross the road?
The question really is "What the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?


How do you give a woman a really great orgasm?
Who cares?


What's the smartest thing that ever came out of a woman's mouth?
Einstein's cock.


Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?
She was a woman


Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
So she can moan with the other.


Why is a necrophiliac like a fur trapper?
They're both looking for dead beaver.


What's green, covered in crumbs, and lies on the side of the road?
A dead Girl Scout


What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
Getting her out of the wheelchair!


What's grosser than eating your grandmother's pussy?
Banging your head on the coffin lid after you're done.