The Bible: The Middle Testament; The Four Books of Lenny

The First Book of Lenny...

And God said: "Blessed be the Big-Noses."
And the people laughed.
And God looked down at Lenny and said: "Well he has got a big nose."
And the people laughed.
And the 27th disciple, George, said: "Like an Alligator."
And God said: "I know a joke about Alligators."
And the [58] disciples said: "Tell us."
And God said: "A man walked into a bar and asked the waiter: 'Do you do Alligator sandwiches?' And the waiter said: 'Yes.' And the man replied: 'OK then, get me an alligator sandwich, and make it quick.'."
And so the first joke of the age was given to the faithful.


Tune in next post for: The Second Book of Lenny...

Waht teh fukc?

Don't ask. And now, as it is a new post:

The Second Book of Lenny...

And Lenny said unto the crowd: "And God came to me in a dream and he [told] to me the second joke of the age. Thus I repeat: A man walked into a bar and said: 'WHAT THE BLOODY HELL??? WHICH LITTLE PRICK PUT THIS HERE???'."
And the people laughed.
And the blessed Big-Noses were made martyrs.
And so came the second joke of the age.


Tune in next post for: The Third Book of Lenny...

Despite all my efforts, my katana cannot cut through these things.

Try your korain sword.

Lenny for president!!

mjordan2nd for Secretary of Defense.

mjordan2nd for Secretary of Defense.

he's black. we don't need more niggers in our government.

Hello, D3V.

Hello, D3V.

hi, slim.

10chars.

And to this this guy was on my dick a while ago. Whoops.

he's black. we don't need more niggers in our government.

You're a bigot. Don't need those either.

And I'm Jesus, bitch. Blaspheme again, and I shalt smite you with all my wrath.

And now, the book none of you have even heard of, but bears some relevence to the next book.

The Book of Thomas.....

And Thomas said unto the people: "I am God."
And the people worshipped him and made him God and built him temples.

The Third Book of Lenny.....

And God came unto Lenny in a dream and [gave] unto him directions for the third joke of the age.
And so Lenny travelled to the Temple of Thomas, but the cake proved too much for him, so instead he went to the Lesser Temple of Tom where [he] found the third joke.
And so he addressed the crowd: "A Bog-Nose, a fishmonger and a slightly stupid Irish person were sitting on a bridge eating lunch. The Big-Nose opened his lunchbox, found camel-hair sandwiches and said: 'If the wife gives me these once more I will throw myself off of this bridge.' The fishmonger opened his lunchbox, found camel-meat sandwiches and said: 'If the wife gives me these once more I will throw myself off of this bridge.' And the slightly stupid Irish person opened his lunchbox, found camel-turd sandwiches and said in a slightly corny imitation of an Irish persons voice: 'If the wife gives me these once more I will throw myself off of this bridge.' The next day, all three men had the same butties again, and thus threw themselves off the bridge. At their funeral, a joint affair, the Big-Nose's wife said: 'I don't understand it, camel-hair was his favourite.' And the fishmonger's wife said: 'I don't understand it, camel-meat was his favourite.' And the Slightly Stupid Irish person's wife said: 'I don't understand it, he made his own sandwiches.'
And the people laughed.
And one said: "What is an Irish person?"
And Lenny replied: "I'll be buggered."
And the people laughed.
And so was found the third joke of the age.


Coming next post: the final book in this thrilling quadrilogy!!!

Lenny are you on crack?

The jokes are mediocre at best, but this thread is so entertainnig to me for some reason.

Nope. No crack for Lenny. Also, the whole underlying point of this, is that the jokes and correct. Put in the correct jokes, and it make it seem more....normal, for want of a better word. If you out in wrong jokes like: "Get me an Alligator sandwich - and make it quick." then it makes it abnormal, as it is wrong. Also, it makes it funnier because it is wrong. Anyway, on to the final installment in this thrilling saga:

The Fourth Book of Lenny..........

And God came [unto] Lenny in a fourth dream and revealed the fourth joke of the age.
And Lenny was heard to mutter: "Ha ha, Dom the Worm."
And Lenny laughed himself to death.
And so ended the Legacy of the Big-Nose.
And thus the fourth joke of the age was never again spoken by mortal lips.
And the people had to make do with 'Danny the Ginger' instead.
And thus ended the Religious Age of the Jokes.



THE END.



There is a fifth book in which Lenny is brought back to life and tortured for giving the people 'Danny the Ginger' as the fourth joke, but it is still in development purgatory - the reason he is tortured is because Danny is one of the Three Gods.


In fact, I would be interested to read your versions of the Fifth Book of Lenny.......

and I may end up posting the real one.