So

That's who I've been asking. @_@
I also HATE online applications. They pretty much take long enough, I'd expect them to pay me for filling them out.

Obviously you haven't been doing well on the online applications then. A lot of stores will red flag certain applications if they're answered "wrong".

I really don't know what I'm doing wrong, though. I mean, I answer all the questions like I'm a perfect robot specifically for following directions.

That's one thing you're doing wrong. Answering too negatively or far too positively is a red flag. You need to answer like a normal human being, though I'm sure that's hard for you.

Stop being a tard. And I'm serious. Just be as human as possible when answering. They won't bother with you if you sound too perfect or too negative. And call back. ALWAYS call back.

How often, and how soon?