|
“Happy New Year’s”
It was a normal December day. No snow, overcast, cool, breezy. Just what you would expect here. Of course, while everyone was off doing normal things, such as work or grocery shopping, someone, named Evan Dretch, was not up to a normal day.
He woke up this day with a rather intent, yet somewhat abstract thought: he was going to drown himself at midnight to celebrate the new year. He woke up with this thought in mind, not too terribly worried about the repercussions. So he logged onto Facebook and tagged his friends in a note titled “Drowning on New Year’s.”
Many thought it was a morbid joke, but a couple knew him well enough to know it wasn’t a joke. They protested on their responses and even sent him text messages urging him not to. Instead, he ignored their pleas. He had decided his fate and he was not going to let anyone stop him.
Instead of writing another note for his parents, he decided to call his friend Julia.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Julia. What’s up?”
“Oh, nothing much.”
“Cool, cool. You free this evening?”
“Uh, yeah…is this about—“
“—Will you go on a date with me?”
She paused, not sure how to respond to this whatsoever.
“Well?”
“Yeah, Evan. Yeah. When?”
“Six at Saint Pierre’s?”
“…Okay.”
“Great, see you there.”
“Evan, what’s going—“
Click. Evan had disconnected the phone, not letting her get her sentence out. He just knew he couldn’t stand to have any sort of confrontation right now with her, so it was best that he just let things go where they were.
Julia, meanwhile, sat in utter shock. First Evan says he’s going to kill himself and now he wants to finally take her on a date. It was so…so very weird.
“Evan, what the hell are you up to?” she muttered to herself.
Evan went on to a semi-normal routine back at home. Shower, shave, brush his teeth, put on some decent clothes. The one thing he did differently was style his hair. Normally he let his hair run sort of shaggy and everywhere, but today he decided to straighten it out some and part it to the side to cover the right part of his face, draping it over his eye.
“Emo look is a success!” he beamed, staring into the mirror.
Evan left the bathroom and grabbed an apple from the kitchen on his way out, ignoring his mother’s greetings. It wasn’t that he didn’t love her, but that he knew that anything he would say would end up in a fight over money or school or even the way he’d let his hair grow out. In other words, it was something that ended up like a much unnecessary duel between mother and son over the most trivial of things.
“Talk with ya later, mom. Gotta meet Alex at the mall. Love ya!” he yelled, going out the door almost at light speed.
Pulling into the mall parking lot, he managed to find Alex’s car and pull up next to it. He looked at the clock on his car as soon as he had a moment to rest. It read 13:35. He was about on time, more or less.
Once he was out of his car, Evan began to notice the lack of cars in the lot. He remembered how, when he was younger, the mall was the place to be. It used to always be packed full of people and was always bustling with energy, people coming and going, noise, music, what have you. Now it was a shell of its former self, most of the stores having been gutted or replaced by lesser stores, particularly more “urban” stores that promoted the hyphy lifestyle.
Evan met up with Alex at the Spencer’s Gifts, looking at the various novelties and stonerware.
“Welcome to you last day on earth, Daniel-san.” Alex said absent-mindedly, perusing some of the items about.
“Today is a great day to die, Miyagi-sama.” Evan responded.
“So, what prompted this oh so rational decision?” Alex asked, inspecting a shot glass with the Jamaican flag on it.
“Sometimes you don’t need a reason.”
“True, but you’re not the type to do something so impulsive, so—“
“—Stupid?”
“Well…” he hesitated, fumbling with the shot glass.
“Well, you do think it’s stupid, don’t you?”
“I guess, man.”
“Well, I guess it is, but that’s life.”
Alex placed the shot glass down and began to meander around, Evan following suit.
“I’m not suicidal, y’know.” Evan said, nonchalantly peering over a purple vibrator.
“Had me fooled.” Alex responded cheekily.
“Oh Miyagi-sama, you are so crazy!”
“Look, man, what is so wrong with your life that you want to go end it?”
“This isn’t the time or place, man.”
“When or where is? Shit, you’ll be dead tomorrow!”
“Everything happens for a reason. You’ll find out in due time.”
“Dammit, Evan…” Alex barked
“What? It is my decision and my choice.”
“Ev, this is not some debate about choice, it’s about the fact you’re wanting to commit fucking SUICIDE!”
“Alex, chill. You’re making a scene.”
Alex scoffed and shook his head, storming off with a look of anger over his face. Evan began to go after him, but stopped. He knew that there was not a thing he could do or say to change Alex’s mind. So he simply sighed and left the mall once Alex had left his sight.
Upon getting to his car, Evan noticed something on the ground. It was a note that was in the spot Alex’s car had been in. He picked it up and looked at it, smiling as he read it: “I’ll miss you, Daniel-san.” Evan couldn’t help but chuckle a little and slipped the note into his pocket.
“Silly bastard.” he mused, getting into his car and turning the ignition.
Looking down at the clock, Evan saw that it was 14:00. Time to stop by his work and say goodbye to anyone he actually might miss from there, which would probably only be one person: Kenny.
“Alright, let’s mosey.” He said to himself, driving off.
Pulling into the Toys R Us parking lot was rather easy now that Christmas was finally over and done with. All that remained were the people making their exchanges or the people taking advantage of the post Christmas sales. In other words it was the ornery parents who weren’t happy with their shit and the people who were pinching their pennies.
That didn’t, however, change the fact Evan was nearly hit twice in the parking lot. The first offender was an elderly woman pulling out her rosary beads for praying. She was obviously so encumbered by the awesomeness of the Lord that she forgot she was driving. The second offender was a guy on his cell, probably arguing with his wife over alimony or child support. Regardless, Evan managed to dodge each car with Matrix like movement and roll out of the way. He was, however, not very pleased with this.
Once he managed to get inside after his car dodging escapades, he noticed the only person really worth talking to was, in fact, Kenny! Just as he had suspected. So he made his way over to customer service to chat up with Kenny, who was the MOD at the moment.
Kenny knew what Evan was going to do, but he knew that there was nothing he could do to deter him from his mission. So he simply greeted him like there was not a whole lot different going on. Evan waved with a smile as he approached, almost wanting to pick fun at the fact that Kenny was wearing his shrunken shirt, making him look like a more hulking figure. Kenny wasn’t fat or anything, just “well-sized” and big boned. And muscular.
“Hey bromosexual!” Evan chimed.
“Hey man! What’s up?”
“Not a whole lot, G!” Evan responded, giving Kenny a high five.
“What are you up to?”
“Not much, man. Hey, can what’s her face—“
“—Carol?”
“Yeah! Carol! Can she relieve you for a ‘smoke break’?”
“Shit, yeah man!” Kenny piped up, looking to Carol, “Can you take over? Ev and I are gonna go up top for a smoke break.”
Carol, a younger, slightly more inexperienced customer service rep with pigtails and freckles nodded and took to the front, ready for whatever may come her way. Kenny gave her a radio to make sure she could get a hold of him if there was an issue. He also left her some candy as payment.
“Some Laffy Taffies for taking over.” he said with a smile.
“Oh, thanks.” Carol responded dully, looking down at her nails with an uninterested attitude.
The two quickly proceeded up to the rooftop, closing the door behind them. Evan whipped out his pipe and a bowl’s worth of some fresh, green chronic. Kenny began to rub his hands together like a Saturday morning cartoon villain with some devious plan as Evan packed the bowl. Both of them were in awe of the strong, dank musk of the green.
“This smells like some kind shit!” Kenny muttered, salivating a bit.
“I wanted something much better, like some sweet skunk or orange kush, but my choices were rather limited because my dealer hadn’t really reupped yet.” Evan responded, packing in the bowl to be just right and ready.
And just like that, the two lit up like they were going to get busted any second if they weren’t quick enough. Slowly, but surely, the healthy green turned brown from the flame, then it turned black, and by the time they’d finished and had been joking around and the sort, the chronic was turned to ash. But most importantly out of it all, they were stoned. And they were loving every minute of it. Then Kenny initiated The Conversation.
“So you’re gonna drown yourself at midnight?”
“Yeah.”
“So you’ll be dead?”
“Yeah.”
“Huh. Weird.”
“Why weird?”
“Dunno. Just didn’t seem like you were the suicidal type to me.”
“I’m not.”
“So, why off yourself?”
“Simply because I can.”
“Hm, well, what do you think will happen when you die?”
“Don’t know. Heaven. Hell. Reincarnation. Nothing and end up processed at a Twinkie factory.”
“A fucking Twinkie factory? What the hell, man?”
“Why not? I think I’d make an excellent fatty filled spongecake with mystery sugar cream.”
“Haha! You’re a bizarre man, Ev.”
“I know. It’s all the damn internet’s fault. Society’s too.”
“Uh…”
“What? That’s who my mom would blame.”
“Gotcha, man, gotcha.”
“Well…” Evan paused, looking at his watch, “Fuck! It’s already four!”
Kenny jolted up lazily, “Oh shit man! We been smoking ‘n shit for almost two hours and that girl didn’t even page?”
Evan gave Kenny a rather worried look and the both of them fumbled their way back inside. They moved as fast as two freshly stoned guys chasing a pizza van, paranoid Carol would have been swamped by angry customers by now. Instead, everything was alright. In fact, Carol was idly smacking on a Laffy Taffy, reading an Entertainment Weekly she brought from home.
“You okay?” Kenny panted.
“Uh, just fine. Not a thing’s happened. Been dead.”
“We were gone for almost two hours!” wheezed Evan.
Carol paused and looked at her watch, a gasp escaping her lips, “Holy shit that was a long smoke break!”
“I, uh, better get going…” Evan muttered, slipping away stealthily.
Kenny didn’t respond, still in shock about the whole thing, Carol sharing the same look of disbelief. Evan simply went away to his car, sighing as the cool wind washed over his face, making his skin grow goosebumps. He looked at the store with a sad look on his face, knowing it was the last time he’d be there. As he moved into his car, he waved goodbye to the Toys R Us.
To kill the next few hours before his date, Evan ran some personal errands, which consisted of going to the hair stylist and renting a tux for his date. He got his hair shortened and the tips frosted as well as spiked up. As for the tux, he picked out a suave navy blue outfit with a deep violet tie to accompany the looks. He also picked up some shoes from Wal-Mart that looked like something one could buy from Gucci.
Finally he arrived at Saint Pierre’s and waited on Julia. She arrived rather promptly, wearing a wonderful white evening dress with light blue trims and short sleeves. She looked nothing short of amazing. She also had her hair pulled back to show off her best features. Evan’s jaw dropped as she took his arm, leading them both inside.
After his initial shock had worn away, he managed to procure their table and the two began to chat once they sat down, pondering their food orders and whatnot. Evan even managed to sweet talk the server into bringing them some Pinot Noir. To Julia, this was the most impressive part and an excellent display of Evan’s people skills.
Of course, dinner came and went and the two casually chatted the evening away, talking about their hidden mutual attraction towards each other, how they used to be enemies as children, and many other things, all just seeming to avoid the topic of Evan’s death that was to come in a few short hours. Or so it seemed.
Looking over her half empty glass of Pinot Noir, Julia finally spoke up, “Why?”
“Why not?” Evan responded hesitantly.
“What is so wrong with your life that you want to end it?”
“Not a thing.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I have a lot going for me. Senior year of high school almost to a close, on a date with the prettiest girl I ever laid my eyes on. Good friends, loving family. But I never learned to enjoy all of it like I did today and all because I am going to be gone tomorrow. I am living today like it’s my last day because it IS my last day.”
“Please, don’t…” Julia choked up.
But Evan didn’t say anything more and simply stood up, kissing her cheek and leaving the money for the bill on the table. She went to stop him, but couldn’t. He was too fast, too determined. The last thing she said to him as he left was a tearful “I love you, Evan.”
Evan went back into his house quietly, ignoring his passed out parents on the couch. He didn’t want to wake them from their drunken state of sleep. He s imply went up the stairs and changed into his heavy coat and jeans, going to the bathroom.
Once inside, he locked the door and ran the bath water, waiting for the tub to fill up. He looked over the room, paying closer attention to the pretty colors of the wallpaper—a floral design with many pinks and reds and violets, the reflectiveness of the checkerboard tile, and the way the ceiling arched like a fancy Renaissance hall’s ceiling.
“Almost midnight.” he sighed, looking at the bathroom’s clock.
The tub was finally full after a few moments. He unlocked the door and proceeded into the tub fully clothed. He heard the TV below begin the count down. Five. He geared his head up against the wall. Four. He took a deep, deep breath. Three. He smashed his head into the wall as hard as he could, knocking him out. Two. He fell face forward into the waters. One.
“Happy New Year’s!” chimed the many voices happily, but not Evan’s. The moment the voice came, Evan was drowning. Then at 12:01, Evan had died.
  |
 |
Similar Threads
Linear Mode
