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"Killing Humanity" week 2
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Posted 2003-11-12, 09:23 AM
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I meant to post this yesterday, but my computer access is limited. Oh well.
Ill get straight to the reason youre probably here, the suicide methods. This weeks topic is Group Kills. Whats more fun than killing yourself? Taking others down with you! All scores are based on the three E's: Ease, Effectiveness, and Entertainment.
1. Sporting Events
Sporting events have a ton of people. Its a fact. Unless its a game like Vanderbilt vs Texas A&M, there are going to be thousands. The best (and easiest) way to get rid of em is to throw a grenade in a group of them. But sometimes this isnt as much fun. This requires some preparation though. First, you need to get a pilots license. Then you need to get a job as the guy who flies the plane with the banner trailing behind you. After that, all you have to do is crash into the stands somewhere. You die, noisy drunk football fans die, and everyone goes home scared.
Ease: 2/10
This method takes way too much preparation to be very effective. You could just fly in 9/11 style, but the anti-aircraft gun on the jumbo-tron might shoot you down.
Effectiveness: 10/10
Nothing says destruction like a Cessnas fuel tanks lighting up.
Entertainment: 8/10
Whats better than an airplane crashing into people? Well, destroying Rice Rockets...
2. Shopping Centers
Shopping centers are perfect for mass killing. Theres no security, unless you walk into a store, and the rent-a-cops dont care what you do as long as its not actively illegal. This is a great place to go Matrix style on the people dressed like idiots (goths, wiccans, furries, etc). But, it might be difficult for you to obtain enough guns. So, instead, opt for a Pineapple Cannon. Its like a potato cannon, but it fires pineapples. Probably illegal in most states, but its not like youre going to get arrested. Youll be dead! Fire into the crowd. You might take down two or three with one shot. Then take a pistol or other small gun and shoot yourself with the last bullet. Pretty simple, right?
Ease: 3/10
Pineapple cannons are difficult to build, and require long reload times, so youre probably going to scare everyone with the first shot. The pistol is easy enough though.
Effectiveness: 7/10
The gun is effective, but the pineapple cannon is proably not going to do much. Its more for the entertainment factor.
Entertainment 8/10
Two words: Pineapples.
3. School
C4. Plain and simple.
Ease: 1/10
C4 is horribly difficult to find, and tough to wire.
Effectiveness: 10/10
A cinderblock sized brick will take out about a blocks worth of people.
Entertainment: 10/10
BOOM! AHAHHAHAHAH!
Tune in next week for my next subject: Supermarket deaths!


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