Of all my Friends

I like.
Heres my suggestions:
"I pull out my wallet and retrieve a dollar. I put the money in and get a Dr. Pepper when someone pulls on my sleeve"
I think this could be simplified alot. We all know how vending machines work. Just say he got a Dr. Pepper.
"I saw a long driveway with tire-marks made by the car when entered the area, wherever it was.
The driveway leads
I look down at my leg and realize that I have a chunk of wood stuck into my shin. I reach down and rip it out."
The driveway leads where?

"That is the true nature of the human being, not hate, war, nor the character flaws of our bodies or the loneliness of our minds, but the love inside a persons’ soul. The embrace of a loving person."
That is good writing my friend. If only it were true.

"Life may make me question my faith, my belief in God. But the love that one person can express, relinquishes my doubt and renews my thoughts. And with this deep thought, basking in the joy of my epiphany, I turn to go to bed."
Your english teacher will tell you, you can't start a sentance w/ But, and And. Take out the And, just make it, With this deep thought.

"You took the long way when the cabin was fifteen feet from the car. If you had looked more clearly you would have realized that when Lisia and Kelly went for a walk this evening, they came to check on you and to wake you up. Those footsteps you followed were theirs when they went for a walk.”
You never said anything about this...

"This is my first day of spring break and I am stuck alone at the beach with two girls. Two hot girls to be precise. Two girls that actually want me around. Hmm… This might not be so bad after all. I better stop complaining. But still, I’m sleepy."
This realization needs to come ALOT sooner. Any male would.

I only ready 1/4 of it right now... I'm finish it up later when I'm high.