I wanna be a stormtrooper

I gotta get off this planet. Tattooine is such a hell hole. Why the hell do I even bother? I ain't got no future here. I'll probably spend the rest of my life here... fixing moisture evaporaters for the townspeople, or reparing droids for pocket change. Fending off the sandpeople. Poor sandpeople. Look what they've been reduced to. I bet with a little education, and a home movement, they could have made something out of their lives. But nothing will ever get better... here in the grimy mudhole of space.

I should join the empire. I know they're evil and all, but they're a good kind of evil. Their uniforms are way cool, and they get to travel and blow stuff up. And chicks dig stormtroopers, big time. They're like... intergalactic rock stars. Stormtroopers get laid, man... but not me. If I want a little love, I gotta hitch a ride to Mos Eisley, and pay fifty cents for a Wookie prostitute... Fifty seconds of pleasure, and fifty years of regret. Wookie love is pointless. My life is pointless. I gotta get off this planet.