Zero Punctuation - Spore (17/09/08)

[Lenny]

Probably the best five minute reviews you'll ever hear.

Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw is the reviewer - Yahtzee is a British-born, currently Australian-based writer and gamer with a sweet hat and a chip on his shoulder. When he isn't talking very fast into a headset mic he also designs freeware adventure games (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/2628-Yahtzee-Releases-Art-of-Theft) and writes the back page column for PC Gamer, who are too important to mention us. His personal site is www.fullyramblomatic.com (http://www.fullyramblomatic.com/).

The reviews are fantastic. It's something you'll hear copied, but never done as well.

The site is: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation

He updates evey Wednesday, at about 3 hours ago (5pm, for me).

23/07/08 - Age of Conan (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/138-Age-of-Conan)
16/07/08 - Alone in the Dark 5 (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/130-Alone-in-the-Dark)
02/04/08 - Army of Two (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/3083-Zero-Punctuation-Army-of-Two)
05/12/07 - Assassin's Creed (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2694-Zero-Punctuation-Assassin-s-Creed)
05/09/07 - BioShock (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/1394-Zero-Punctuation-BioShock)
27/08/08 - Braid (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/203-Braid)
12/03/08 - Burnout: Paradise (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/3016-Zero-Punctuation-Burnout-Paradise)
06/02/08 - Call of Duty 4 (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2901-Zero-Punctuation-Call-of-Duty-4)
14/11/07 - Clive Barker's Jericho (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2633-Zero-Punctuation-Clive-Barker-s-Jericho)
16/03/08 - Condemned 2: Bloodshot (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/4742-Zero-Punctuation-Condemned-2-Bloodshot)
16/01/08 - Crysis (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2808-Zero-Punctuation-Crysis)
05/03/08 - Devil may Cry 4 (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/3001-Zero-Punctuation-Devil-May-Cry-4)
03/09/08 - Eve Online (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/208-Eve-Online)
28/11/07 - F.E.A.R. Perseus Mandate (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2675-Zero-Punctuation-F-E-A-R-Perseus-Mandate)
30/04/08 - God of War: Chains of Olympus (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/4862-Zero-Punctuation-God-of-War-Chains-of-Olympus)
14/05/08 - Grand Theft Auto 4 (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/4902-Zero-Punctuation-Grand-Theft-Auto-IV)
12/12/07 - Guitar Hero III (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2716-Zero-Punctuation-Guitar-Hero-III)
03/10/07 - Halo 3 (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2304-Zero-Punctuation-Halo-3)
18/06/08 - Haze (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/93-Haze)
15/08/07 - Heavenly Sword and other stuff (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/1350-Zero-Punctuation-Heavenly-Sword-and-Other-Stuff)
09/07/08 - LEGO Indiana Jones (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/123-LEGO-Indy)
19/09/07 - Manhunt (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2048-Zero-Punctuation-Manhunt)
19/12/07 - Mass Effect (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2738-Zero-Punctuation-Mass-Effect)
31/10/07 - Medal of Honor Airborne (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2582-Zero-Punctuation-MOH-Airborne)
25/06/08 - Metal Gear Solid 4 (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/99-Metal-Gear-Solid-4)
06/08/08 - Ninja Gaiden 2 (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/175-Ninja-Gaiden-2)
09/04/08 - No More Heroes (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/3554-Zero-Punctuation-No-More-Heroes)
04/06/08 - TES4: Oblivion (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/75-Oblivion)
17/10/07 - The Orange Box (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2541-Zero-Punctuation-The-Orange-Box)
21/05/08 - Painkiller (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/57-Painkiller)
26/09/07 - Peggle (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2280-Zero-Punctuation-Peggle)
13/08/08 - Prince of Persia Retrospective (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/183-Prince-of-Persia-Retrospective)
22/08/07 - Psychonauts (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/1368-Zero-Punctuation-Psychonauts)
30/01/08 - Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2883-Zero-Punctuation-Resident-Evil-Umbrella-Chronicles)
20/08/08 - Soul Calibur IV (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/189-Soul-Calibur-IV)
09/01/08 - Silent Hill: Origins (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2791-Zero-Punctuation-Silent-Hill-Origins)
13/02/08 - Sim City Societies (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2928-Zero-Punctuation-Sim-City-Societies)
17/09/08 - Spore (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/218-Spore)
24/10/07 - Super Paper Mario (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2563-Zero-Punctuation-Super-Paper-Mario)
02/01/08 - Super Mario Galaxy (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2768-Zero-Punctuation-Super-Mario-Galaxy)
23/04/08 - Super Smash Bros. Brawl (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/4845-Zero-Punctuation-Super-Smash-Bros-Brawl)
10/10/07 - Tabula Rasa (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2326-Zero-Punctuation-Tabula-Rasa)
12/09/07 - Tomb Raider Anniversary (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/1490-Zero-Punctuation-Tomb-Raider-Anniversary)
10/09/08 - Too Human (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/213-Too-Human)
19/03/08 - Turok (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/3040-Zero-Punctuation-Turok)
27/02/08 - Uncharted: Drake's Fortune (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2980-Zero-Punctuation-Uncharted-Drake-s-Fortune)
23/01/08 - The Witcher (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2831-Zero-Punctuation-The-Witcher)
28/05/08 - The World Ends With You (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/67-The-World-Ends-With-You)
26/03/08 - Zack & Wiki (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/3059-Zero-Punctuation-Zack-Wiki)
07/11/07 - Zelda: Phantom Hourglass (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2608-Zero-Punctuation-Zelda-Phantom-Hourglass)

11/06/08 - Console Rundown (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/84-Console-Rundown)
30/07/08 - E3 '08 Trailer Park (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/157-The-E3-Trailer-Park)
07/05/08 - Mailbag Showdown (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/4878-Zero-Punctuation-Mailbag-Showdown)
02/07/08 - Webcomics (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/108-Webcomics)

The reviews are so good that even if you haven't heard of the game the review is worth watching, and the music at the start and end of each one is brilliant. Always.

To see a full list of his reviews, go to: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/posts/Yahtzee%20Croshaw

EDIT: There'll be quite a few English references in the reviews, which a few of you might not understand. Feel free to ask, and I shall answer.

I'm also going to stick this and, everntually, get round to putting all the reviews up in this first post, which I'll update every week.

[Atnas]

I watched the Phantom Hourglass (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2608-Zero-Punctuation-Zelda-Phantom-Hourglass) one. Genius haha. Gotta watch the others sometime.

[!King_Amazon!]

Watched Mass Effect, and I must say I agree with him entirely. Also, he's probably the funniest british guy I've ever heard. I think I chuckled a couple of times.

EDIT: It says he's in Australia right now, so I'll just assume that he's been there for a while. Australians, I've always noticed, seem pretty funny, and quite random. I have a few Australian/New Zealandish? friends who are pretty hilarious.

EDIT2: Bahaha, I just watched his Assassin's Creed review. That was hilarious.

[HandOfHeaven]

I enjoyed the Guitar Hero III review.

[Thanatos]

lol that one was hilarious.

It ends with "I'm not gay."

[Lenny]

And the new one is up!

Condemned 2: Bloodshot (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/4742-Zero-Punctuation-Condemned-2-Bloodshot)

I've also updated the first post with all the reviews in alphabetical order.

Enjoy!

[Lenny]

This week it's the turn of Super Smash Bros. Brawl (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/4845-Zero-Punctuation-Super-Smash-Bros-Brawl).

Good review. Lots of blood. :)

[HandOfHeaven]

Ha, 'Gametraders Robina'.

[Thanatos]

This dude cracks me up.

[Willkillforfood]

A lot of aussies are sarcastic as fuck. Racist too :x.

[Lenny]

Shame he's English then, ain't it? :rolleyes: :p

[Willkillforfood]

It is :(.

[!King_Amazon!]

Good review this time.

[Lenny]

And this week, God of War: Chains of Olympus (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/4862-Zero-Punctuation-God-of-War-Chains-of-Olympus) goes under the scalpel.

Quite a positive review for Yahtzee.

[Vault Dweller]

Watched the Army of Two Review and Assassin's Creed.

Bloody hilarious.

[Lenny]

Not a true review this week, but rather an answer to some of the hate mail he's been getting (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/4878-Zero-Punctuation-Mailbag-Showdown) over his not-so-glowing Super Smash Bros. Brawl review.

Rather amusing. I particularly like the irony of him going through and adding punctuation to the e-mails. :rolleyes:

[Coffeedagger]

I saw the god of war chains of olympus one on Xplay and remembered this thread and began to watch many of these.

Edit: I aspire to be just like this guy.

[Lenny]

Yep, Yahtzee tackles the behemoth that is Grand Theft Auto 4 (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/4902-Zero-Punctuation-Grand-Theft-Auto-IV) this week. Just about to watch it, so I don't know if it contains any spoilers. If it does, I'll be slightly annoyed, and I'll edit this post to let others know.

EDIT: None at all. :)

[Thanatos]

This guy is funny when you can understand him.

[Coffeedagger]

Lenny can you list the American equivilent of some English insults.

I am now watching every review Yahtzee makes.

[Lenny]

I'm somewhat busy over the next few weeks, so it'll be easier for me if you make a list of English insults (I guess they're from Yahtzee reviews?) and PM them to me.

---

I understand every word he says, Thanatos. :)

[Thanatos]

I would be able to understand every word if he just slowed down a bit. Why does he have to talk so incredibly fast? It doesn't add to the comedy, he's funny already. Not needed, IMO.

[Coffeedagger]

I think the fast talking is funny, although you are right he is funny enough already.

[!King_Amazon!]

I would be able to understand every word if he just slowed down a bit. Why does he have to talk so incredibly fast? It doesn't add to the comedy, he's funny already. Not needed, IMO.
It does, though. If he talked normally, the reviews would be 2-3x longer. He's packing the same amount of funny into a shorter time-frame. Even though it's pre-written, it makes him seem like he's able to come up with funny shit on the ball.

[Lenny]

After three hours of waiting because The Escapist decided to update their site layout (to a new, pretty one, I must admit), the latest Zero Punctuation is out, and it's about Painkiller (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/57-Painkiller), a game you'll never have heard of before.

Seeing as it's a game he wants to review, rather than one people mither him to, or a hyped up game that's just come out, Yahtzee is quite positive about it.

[Coffeedagger]

Yay for Zero Punctuation updates!

[Lenny]

A JRPG this week - The World Ends With You (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/67-The-World-Ends-With-You).

Another one I've never heard of, but the review should be good, regardless.

[Asamin]

After three hours of waiting because The Escapist decided to update their site layout (to a new, pretty one, I must admit), the latest Zero Punctuation is out, and it's about Painkiller (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/57-Painkiller), a game you'll never have heard of before.

Seeing as it's a game he wants to review, rather than one people mither him to, or a hyped up game that's just come out, Yahtzee is quite positive about it.
That was the first time I saw Zero Punctuation and I was lolling the entire time.

[Coffeedagger]

I love this show.

Edit: Oh god today's was great.

[Asamin]

It could only have been better if it had tits and was on fire.

[Lenny]

This week, Mr. Yahtzee attempts to immerse himself in TES4: Oblivion (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/75-Oblivion), and uses a lot of references we English types will get (if you need any help with the strange language, my PM box is always open!). :)

[Coffeedagger]

Wow I forgot about this game then wondered why he didn't review it before, then I realized he lives in Austrailia. It, like all his reviews, was fair.

[Asamin]

That was great. 2 more days till the next one.

[!King_Amazon!]

Oblivion was a good review. Can't wait for his next. Thanks for posting these Lenny, I probably wouldn't have ever known about this otherwise. Great find.

[Lenny]

Nothing this week, I'm afriad - some sort of award ceremony. Instead, the Escapist have re-uploaded his console rundown episode. Which, I have just realised, isn't on my list. I might as well link to it, then.

11/06/08 - Console Rundown (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/84-Console-Rundown)

[Lenny]

Yahtzee review another outdoor, space marine, FPS, and hilarity ensues - Haze (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/93-Haze). Rather good review. Plus you'll get a random advert for one of the features of the Escapist after the video.

[Lenny]

I didn't get the time to post yesterday, so I'll have to do it today. Yahtzee's latest review is Metal Gear Solid 4 (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/99-Metal-Gear-Solid-4), and I'm incredibly surprised that not once did he mention next-gen browns. :p

[Lenny]

It's a strange one this week - Yahtzee tells us how to make a Webcomics (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/108-Webcomics)!

Sooo... who can draw?

[Lenny]

I've been very busy over the past couple of weeks, so this week I've got three links for you: Age of Conan (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/138-Age-of-Conan), Alone in the Dark 5 (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/130-Alone-in-the-Dark) and LEGO Indiana Jones (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/123-LEGO-Indy). All three are brilliant reviews, though I'm saddened by the change in title sequence (he no longer plays clips from random songs but rather has a theme tune).

[Lenny]

This weeks is a look at some of the games and trailers of this weeks E3 - E3 '08 Trailer Park (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/157-The-E3-Trailer-Park). Including a very Monty Python moment in which he mentions Gears 2... and that's it.

[Lenny]

in his Ninja Gaiden 2 (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/175-Ninja-Gaiden-2) review, Yahtzee looks set to insult one of the most powerful groups of people. Next week, he'll do the other side of the coin and throw abuse at Pirates!

[Willkillforfood]

lol, I liked the end the most.

[Lenny]

In Prince of Persia Retrospective (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/183-Prince-of-Persia-Retrospective), Yahtzee defends his comments about the PoP series, and quickly reviews the majority of them.

[Lenny]

Yahtzee's latest is a review of Soul Calibur IV (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/189-Soul-Calibur-IV), and includes his four points for how a game can make itself fun and interesting to play. Interesting stuff.

[Asamin]

Funny thing is I play and like Soul Caliber IV and yet I agree with half the stuff he said.

[Lenny]

I'm afraid I've got a bit behind in these. Three weeks, in fact. I'm stuck for time at the mo, so I'll copy and paste the descriptions from the site:


Yahtzee takes on Braid (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/203-Braid), the long-awaited indie darling finally available on Xbox Live.

This week, Yahtzee hits the final frontier in search of a truly different MMO. Instead, he finds Eve Online (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/208-Eve-Online).

This week, Zero Punctuation dies and is resurrected - over and over and over - in Too Human (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/213-Too-Human).

[Kazilla]

The too human one was so funny. Man, it's true but I dont think the game is total shit, lol.

[Asamin]

There are like 4 games I haven't bought because of him! I love Yahtzee!

[Lenny]

Spore (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/218-Spore) goes under the microphone today. In short it's not a bad review (he doesn't even make a big deal of the DRM! In fact, I don't think he mentions it at all). In long, well, watch it yourself.

[Asamin]

Can't wait to see it! Damn homework!

[Kazilla]

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

LOL, I couldn't stop laughing.

[Asamin]

My mom walked in while I was watching that one. She didn't get why I wouldn't stop laughing.

[Wallow]

Ea put a sort of virus into spore though to regulate each consumer's activity. They also made it so you can only plug the "key" into the computer when installing the game I think 3 times, which made the game suck even more. Good game to rent, nothing more...

[Asamin]

Did you even watch the video? Zero Punctuation is hilarious.



Holy shit! Just realized you are a senior member now. Nice