Smoking, childcare, and ruining one's relationship with a threesome

[klo]

Strange?

I smoked "regularly" for a while...quit for obvious reasons. But if i had the money i would def. love to get everything done for an evening and have myself a bowl....but not gonna happen. I'm not against it because i've done it and functioned normally....but I think that some people (MY BROTHER....) can't handle it.

Before I started smoking, I would freak out when kaneda would. or @ least when i found out about it. lol.

[Jessifer]

You dissapoint me.

[klo]

why? because i used to be a pot head?

[klo]

Right, and before i got pgt, i smoked at least 3 times a day. Now i smoke RARELY if it comes to me and everything i need to worry about is taken care of. (babys asleep, house is clean, its a friday or saturday night)

[Jessifer]

You shouldn't smoke pot around children period, imo. Even if they're in the other room.

[klo]

If she's in her room asleep and I'm on the patio and kanedas home or w.e. I don't think there's a problem with it. I mean, if i were doing it i the house that would be different, because it would be messing with her air quality. Also when she's with my mom and I'm out or w.e (not like its happened more than twice since she's been born) I dont think there's a problem

[klo]

When I've smoked/drank since, afterward I'll pump and disgard that milk. Herbs do make your milk not as productive also. Good thing I'm poor.

[Grav]

It's not something that 'pumping' will solve... ugh.

[klo]

From what I've read you shouldn't nurse or give them milk that's been pumped until after 2 hours of smoking....and longer than that if drinking.

[Jessifer]

I pray you have your child taken by social services. For the childs sake, of course.

[klo]

that's bullshit. like i said, maybe twice since ive had her. And child services is the worst thing that can happen to children!!

[Jessifer]

That depends entirely on the enviroment the child lives in.

As Grav said. No pot. No alcohol. Period.

[KagomJack]

I'm with Grav and Jessifer here.

[!King_Amazon!]

As I've told klo in private, I don't think there's a problem with her smoking pot as long as the baby is with someone else. If the baby is under her care, she should not be under the influence of any sort of drugs at all, because if something were to happen and the baby had to go to the hospital, klo could lose her baby, and in that situation she probably should.

As for nursing while drinking/smoking, there's not enough evidence to prove either side is right, so it's best just to not risk it. It's not worth putting your baby's health in danger just to have a little fun. Wait until you're done nursing and then have fun, it's juts not worth it unless you know for sure somehow that it won't harm the baby, and as far as I know there's nothing to prove that.

[Shining Knights]

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

[Demosthenes]

I'm with Jess here. Getting high on your own is fine, but no smoking around the baby.

[Vollstrecker]

So, who got banned and made this all confusing to anyone attempting to scroll through threads?

[Lenny]

I split it from the thread for judges for the marijuana debate, if that helps?

[Vollstrecker]

I split it from the thread for judges for the marijuana debate, if that helps?

I see.

[Willkillforfood]

Once you're a mom, imo, you should give all that shit up. You're not just living your life for you anymore. You're living your life for your child(ren) too. If it 's something you need to maintain your sanity, then sure, but otherwise if you are to tell them not to then you are a hypocrite (that's assuming you wouldn't want your child to smoke pot also).

[KagomJack]

Really, there IS a time and place, but children should always come first.

If she's got someone to take care of her children for a night (like her mom) and she's not nursing, then I don't see why she can't indulge just a little. Otherwise, I'm on your side.

[Thanatos]

I pray you have your child taken by social services. For the childs sake, of course.

You're a cold-hearted bitch. Don't preach when you lack experience.

[Grav]

Thanatos only says this because he is crushing!

[Willkillforfood]

Thanatos only says this because he is crushing!

Ohhh snaps.

And as far as smoking pot ...sure, you can do it. But if you're going to tell your child never to then you're a fucking hypocrite and that's a confusing thing to a kid =P. "Oh, it's okay for you but I really shouldn't because it's bad? Wtf?"

[Thanatos]

Crushing your balls under my shoe, yes.

[hotdog]

that's bullshit. like i said, maybe twice since ive had her. And child services is the worst thing that can happen to children!!

I agree with this since it was the worst thing that happened to me.

But I agree with Grav on the no smoking or drinking one just because you might ruin her antibody quality with milk thats been tampered with from the pot or beer.

And can't you get nurses who do this for you? They were made for people who occasionally drink or smoke after pregnancy. My mother smoked after my birth, but she had someone else nurse me so I got someone elses milk. Try asking or looking around for a nurse if you really get cravings but don't want to hurt the babies antibody intake. She was able to afford the nurse working in a mall.

FYI The baby doesn't breast feed from the nurse. The baby drinks the milk from a bottle. So it's not like a 200 dollar an hour job or anything it's just a person agreeing to supply you with breast milk and they go through rigorous screening before they pump milk.

[Willkillforfood]

I agree with this since it was the worst thing that happened to me.

But I agree with Grav on the no smoking or drinking one just because you might ruin her antibody quality with milk thats been tampered with from the pot or beer.

And can't you get nurses who do this for you? They were made for people who occasionally drink or smoke after pregnancy. My mother smoked after my birth, but she had someone else nurse me so I got someone elses milk. Try asking or looking around for a nurse if you really get cravings but don't want to hurt the babies antibody intake. She was able to afford the nurse working in a mall.

FYI The baby doesn't breast feed from the nurse. The baby drinks the milk from a bottle. So it's not like a 200 dollar an hour job or anything it's just a person agreeing to supply you with breast milk and they go through rigorous screening before they pump milk.

Dear God that would be an awkward job interview. "So ...uhm ...do you have any references? Okay now ...squeeze those babies into this cup so we can test your productivity ;)."

[Grav]

God, that reply was so pathetic I just felt deflated when I read it. Way to lower the fucking bar.

[Vollstrecker]

Crushing your balls under my shoe, yes.

That's oddly a recognized fetish, so I wouldn't get used to using that one. ;)

[Willkillforfood]

Thanatos has his girlfriend crush his balls while dressed like a cat.

[Grav]

Trudat. What a freak.

[Vollstrecker]

Thanatos has his girlfriend crush his balls while dressed like a cat.

Oh man, that's hot.


(I think)

[Shining Knights]

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

[klo]

No, It doesn't make a difference. I've seen it where they come take kids for basically nothing, but then in another situation a child is being abused/neglected and it takes them two freakin years to help them. Then when they are helped they are put into a foster home, and thats such a awful situation!! Fuck.


And whats all this "grow up" like i said, I DO have a great job, and we do have a very nice home. She is very well taken care of. They say you can have drinks when your nursing ( a limited amount but still)....and imo i think that drinking is more harmful to the body than smoking.

AND who said we were going to preach against it? I mean, when she's 12 we obviously don't want her smoking...but she's going to someday (most likely) so why would we want her to be secretave about it. We're not sure how we're going to go about it...but we do have like 16 years to think this through. By then it will probably be legal anyways, then nobody will have a problem with it.

[Willkillforfood]

So, for the first 12+ years of her life you're going to be a hypocrite? Is that the sort of example people want to set for their children? I know I see it all the time. Hell, it's not uncommon. And the legality of something doesn't always make it right (although marijuana being legalized in the next 16 years is something no one can be sure of).

You've got a job, a nice home, etc. but using illegal drugs and having large enough quantities can cost you those things and your child. Is it worth it for a few thrills? And have you consulted a physician and asked if it was okay? Please God don't go off heresay.

[klo]

OK, we don't have any and when we did it was like a gram. Before we even moved here. I'm sorry, but i dont think we'll be being hypocritic because its not like she's going to be like "is it ok to smoke weed?" And we're not going to tell her "NEVER SMOKE WEED!!!!" I mean, that's what my parents did, and i just grew farther away from them when i started smoking.

[Vollstrecker]

Children have a bad, bad habit of "monkey see, monkey do", parents always need to keep that in mind, as well as the fact that children will also extrapolate what they want to believe from such actions. Showing them that you are "allowed to break the rules" only encourages them to do the same, and not just in the sense that you were breaking them.

Something to consider for the future.

[Jessifer]

You're a cold-hearted bitch. Don't preach when you lack experience.

When it comes to personal experience, yes. I do lack in that area. However, my cousin, is only two months younger than myself and has two children under the age of two. She drinks on a rather regular basis, and smokes pot on occasion as well. And when she throws her parties and I'm around, while the boys are asleep of course, who do you think watches over the boys? Either myself or one of her friends. The only two people sober enough to watch the children when they wake up at around midnight, which they do to be changed and fed.

I don't get drunk in the presence of my cousin for just that reason. Hell...I have yet to get drunk for reasons similar to that. I prefer being aware of what's going on around me.

After taking care of her children so many times, I think I'm a bit more prepared for when I do have children of my own. Watching her, and others around me for that matter, has given me guidelines to follow when I finally do decide to have children.

And as for myself not reporting her...she's my cousin. I love her. And lately she has been trying to get herself straight. She hasn't smoked pot in months, and her drinking has gone down quite a bit.

[!King_Amazon!]

Well, as far as whether it's safe or not, I've come to the conclusion that it probably isn't. At least, it's not MORE safe than alcohol, it's most likely much less safe than alcohol. Alcohol stays in your system, what, a few hours? Well THC stays in your body for up to 2 months sometimes, usually less than 1 month though. THC gets stored in the fat in your body, and guess where a lot of a woman's fat is located? In her breasts, with them being almost entirely fatty tissue.

We may not know for sure, but common sense is telling me that it's probably not a good idea. What's so bad about waiting a few months until you stop nursing and then doing it? Your daughter should come before pot, no matter what.

[gruesomeBODY]

Your daughter should come before pot, no matter what.

I would hope so.

Just wait a bit then you can go back to doing things. Just remember that you are always going to be her "hero" no matter what. Set a good example. Im not saying this to put you down, its just my piece of advice.

[slaynish]

I can not agree with you more, volls.

I'm only 15, my dad left us when I was little. Life isnt as easy when growing up with only one parent(which could very well happen for your child). Klo, I dont know who you are. I can only judge you based upon what you've said. You have your child's life in your hands. You can ruin your childs life. I dont know how to say it to where your shocked by this. Also, I dont know about you guys but if i was in her situation, and my child developed some kind of disorder based on what I was doing, i would not be able to live with myself. Good luck.

[Vollstrecker]

I can not agree with you more, volls.

I'm only 15, my dad left us when I was little. Life isnt as easy when growing up with only one parent(which could very well happen for your child). Klo, I dont know who you are. I can only judge you based upon what you've said. You have your child's life in your hands. You can ruin your childs life. I dont know how to say it to where your shocked by this. Also, I dont know about you guys but if i was in her situation, and my child developed some kind of disorder based on what I was doing, i would not be able to live with myself. Good luck.

I hear that, although my parents didn't split after I was 18.

Kids pick up all sorts of vibes from their parents, even if it's well hidden. Kids actually have some acute senses if they ever stop and use them.

[slaynish]

My dad smoked pot and crack and meth and everything around me when I was little.

I told my mom he was making his own cigarettes and i expained how he did it, i said he put his stuff in it and rolled it up and licked it. Its very fortunate that I am smart enough to make my own healthy decisions. I know whats good for me. I cant say i've never gotten drunk or smoked or anything like that but i can definitly say that I now that I know what its like, its not worth throwing my life away for.

[Vollstrecker]

"An enlightened man is one who has found something more interesting than sex."

I forgot who stated that, but it can easily apply to many vices, drugs included in my eyes. :)

[Willkillforfood]

Children have a bad, bad habit of "monkey see, monkey do", parents always need to keep that in mind, as well as the fact that children will also extrapolate what they want to believe from such actions. Showing them that you are "allowed to break the rules" only encourages them to do the same, and not just in the sense that you were breaking them.

Something to consider for the future.

Agreed, and by that same logic if Kaneda continually cheats on you then your kid will grow up with some pretty fucking confused morals. My ex was that way. Her mom put up with it and actually after a period of time just accepted that men would do that to her. Her mom's awesome, and it's tragic this happened to her. Anyways ...now my ex believes that no man can be trusted and that she just has to accept it as a matter of fact that they're going to cheat on her.

Not a way to live life.

[KagomJack]

Almost how my boyfriend now is. He's never been in a serious relationship until he got together with me. He wants to have an open relationship so he can still play around with other people, but I don't want that because I'm a tad old fashioned, but I want the same amount of loyalty and dedication that I show to be returned. He said that he will "try" to be dedicated, but that it's not willingly. The thing is, he doesn't understand what it means to be really committed to someone. He thinks that it's a metaphorical dungeon and that it only can go one way. I'm trying to do my best to show him otherwise, but we'll see how this all goes.

[Jessifer]

Klo, did you smoke while you were pregnant?

[!King_Amazon!]

She smoked a single cigarette while she was pregnant, as far as I know. Could have been more, but that's all she's said.

[Jessifer]

Aah. Kay.

[Willkillforfood]

My mom smoked while pregnant. Despite me being alright (I think) I still think it's a bad idea. She smoked cigarettes x_x.

[Thanatos]

It all makes sense now.

[Willkillforfood]

Yea, it must make you into a genius x_x.

[Grav]

Then klo better start chain-smoking, cuz I know the genes ain't gonna do much!

(Oh no he didn't oh yes I did)

[KagomJack]

My mom thought I wasn't going to live, so she went back to her regular smoking habits while I was in the womb. Yay for optimism.

[klo]

This is to me exactly like kaneda is, except he's claiming that he doesn't want to "fool around anymore"....an up until las year he didn't.

As far as smoking cigs...I quit as soon as i found out i was pgt, and then when I was like 8 mos. I smoked for a few weeks until I got over what was happening to me. I've always been a little co-dependant on something...and I'm really trying to break that because its AWFUL and I don't want her to be like this.

AND...its not like I'd be throwing some crazy parties or something, I have like 3 friends outside kaneda. And, I'm pretty sure I already said I'm not into the party scene.

[Jessifer]

Wait, didn't didn't that whole "Kaneda cheating on you with a married woman" thing happen last year? So, what...he stayed faithful for a whole month?

Or am I just reading that poorly written sentence wrong?

[klo]

uh, sorry if its hard to understand, im at work and when someone walks by i close the window and then try to pick it up again :P. uhm, he slept with the married chick last year, and that was the first/only time i know of him cheating.

[Jessifer]

Do you not consider him actively pursuing other women as a form of cheating? Because imho, a person doesn't actually have to sleep with another party for that person to be considered unfaithful.

[KagomJack]

Well, I have been in an open relationship and it wasn't good. I have too many trust and abandonment issues to really feel secure in one. Thus when I'm told by whomever I'm with that they want to be able to fool around, with my permission, I feel sort of taken aback and I start to feel as if they're scheming or that they'll leave me for someone else (which can happen regardless, but the situation worsens that fear). But that's a topic delving a tad off-topic for this discussion.

[Willkillforfood]

Yea. Big red flag.

To Klo: He's probably cheated on you many times. I mean, he seems to constantly be trying to get ass. I'd say for every time you've found out about him being with another woman he's been with 3 you didn't find out. Probably even worse.

The funny thing is how blunt he was when you did find out. Taking the girl to your house even. I mean, do you not think they fucked around when he lost you? =p

[klo]

Yea. Big red flag.

To Klo: He's probably cheated on you many times. I mean, he seems to constantly be trying to get ass. I'd say for every time you've found out about him being with another woman he's been with 3 you didn't find out. Probably even worse.

The funny thing is how blunt he was when you did find out. Taking the girl to your house even. I mean, do you not think they fucked around when he lost you? =p

I know they didn't because when the police pulled him over she wasn't with him. I can't really remember, but I don't think that we were "together" at that time, I wasn't stayin at our apt most the time.

[Vollstrecker]

Honestly, there's a few things to be said about this kind of thing. First off, I never really bought into the "open relationship" thing as it's basically an overglorified "fuckbuddy" to me, someone you can fall back on as you experiment or look for someone you like better. It's a comfort zone thing.

The next is about honest relationships. Jokingly pursuing or admiring other women doesn't exactly mean that they're liable to be unfaithful. Some people don't really believe in the overly advertised "Romantic Love", and may desire other people in addition to their partner. What shows you that they love you is their refraining from doing so.

[Willkillforfood]

If you really love someone, I really feel it must be very hard to do an open relationship. Well, that's if you find sex to be the most intimate of things.

[KagomJack]

Which is my sentiments to sex. I don't mind playing with other so long as the other person is around with me, but one-on-one is usually an intimate thing.

Volls: I agree with you. It IS like an overglorified fuckbuddy. I think open relationships are equivalent to being able to cheat, but with permission, so to speak.

This is quite a different topic from smoking and with children around.

[!King_Amazon!]

Which is my sentiments to sex. I don't mind playing with other so long as the other person is around with me, but one-on-one is usually an intimate thing.

Volls: I agree with you. It IS like an overglorified fuckbuddy. I think open relationships are equivalent to being able to cheat, but with permission, so to speak.

This is quite a different topic from smoking and with children around.
Bringing another person in bed with you and your significant other is commiting relationship suicide.

[klo]

yea, im not really into the whole "open-relationship" thing either. His dad has always been with a lot of women, but I'm pretty sure he understands that if he wants to see other women then we'll work it out to where he'll move out and he'll just help me pay the bills....but you never know how that would really work...

[Jessifer]

For the most part it is, but imo that depends on how confident and comfortable you are in your relationship. I'm all for being sexually adventurous, but not if the other person in the relationship is uncomfortable with it, or if that person isn't there at all and there's another party involved.

[klo]

I dont think i could ever involve another girl. I would end up either fighting or crying and fighting. :(. One time a few years ago kaneda and I weren't talking and he didn't know I was working in the movie theater and he brought his g/f there and at the time I had never felt so sick in my life. I couldn't breath it hurt so bad.

[Grav]

"A few years ago" how long have you been involved with this schmuck?

[!King_Amazon!]

Jealousy is what makes it impossible.

I just don't see how a truly loving relationship between two people can involve a third person without having some serious trouble.

[Thanatos]

It can't, unless you're having a 3some. If your girl is down for it, then there shouldn't be any problems. Just pay more attention to your woman then the other girl. ;)

[!King_Amazon!]

So you're telling me if I go tell Nikki I want to have another woman in bed with us and she says yes, if I do it there won't be problems later?

Women rarely say what they mean. If anything she would just do it for me, and it would end up ruining our relationship.

[klo]

fuck yea it would. NO WAY could i be with someone after watching them fuck someone else. ugh, hell no.

didn't i already say we've been dating off/on for 5 years in september.

[Willkillforfood]

For the most part it is, but imo that depends on how confident and comfortable you are in your relationship. I'm all for being sexually adventurous, but not if the other person in the relationship is uncomfortable with it, or if that person isn't there at all and there's another party involved.

Jessifer, ride em hard cowgirl.

[Thanatos]

Maybe the only situation in which it would be okay is if she approached you about the subject.

[!King_Amazon!]

Approached me about a guy or about a girl?

About a guy, the answer would be no.

About a girl, the answer would be no.

I would be either weirded out or offended at either suggestion.

[Jessifer]

Actually, I really doubt that I myself would ever be truely willing to participate in a threesome.

[Thanatos]

Actually, I really doubt that I myself would ever be truely willing to participate in a threesome.

Why? It's a blast.

[!King_Amazon!]

Why? It's a blast.
I'm not doubting that a threesome would be a ton of fun, and I'm not saying they can't happen without problems, just not with someone you love.

If it's just you and a couple fuckbuddies, who cares. Have a blast.

[KagomJack]

Bringing another person in bed with you and your significant other is commiting relationship suicide.
I don't think group experimentation will kill a relationship, but I think enough one-on-one encounters without the other person will, especially when one person has paranoia and trust issues to begin with.

[!King_Amazon!]

I don't think group experimentation will kill a relationship, but I think enough one-on-one encounters without the other person will, especially when one person has paranoia and trust issues to begin with.
I'm right and you're wrong.

[KagomJack]

And I think I'm right and that you're wrong. It goes in circles because neither of us will be able to convince the other that they're wrong or we'll be too stubborn to openly admit we had a change of opinion.

[klo]

I agree w/K_A. :P lol

[KagomJack]

I've known couple who have been together for several years and who love each other and sometimes have group sessions with friends of theirs, but their love hasn't waned.

[Willkillforfood]

Dear God ...I'd have to say I agree with KA too. What the fuck is wrong with the world?

[KagomJack]

A lot is wrong with the world.

[klo]

I don't think its healthy, and it would ruin any relationship i was in. I coudln't stand seeing my lover look at someone else in a sexual way...eh not happening. ugh, actually almost upsets me to think about it :(. although i guess that if i thought it would make him happy i'd do it, but then never want to do him again. lol

[KagomJack]

I'd have a major problem with him wanting to do it without me, honestly. At least if I'm there, I can say I monitored in some way.

[!King_Amazon!]

I'd have a major problem with him wanting to do it without me, honestly. At least if I'm there, I can say I monitored in some way.
What does it matter? If he's messing around on someone without you there or messing around with someone with you there, he's still messing around with someone either way.

[KagomJack]

The difference is I can know what he's doing. Whether he's using protection or not, whether there may be a slight romantic fling between the two.

[!King_Amazon!]

Who cares what the details are, he's fucking around with someone else.

[KagomJack]

I care about the details.

[klo]

Eh, if im sleeping with someone i better be all they need to be sleeping with.

[Thanatos]

Some people aren't satisfied with just one lover. Like Kaneda.

[Willkillforfood]

Some people aren't satisfied with just one lover. Like Kaneda.

And all your past girlfriends. Thank God ...I needed some action on the side all these years.

[klo]

Some people aren't satisfied with just one lover. Like Kaneda.


:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: enough said

[!King_Amazon!]

nuff said na-meen homes

[Thanatos]

And all your past girlfriends. Thank God ...I needed some action on the side all these years.

Are you even trying anymore? Come on, man, you can do better than that. Insult scale says: 3/10. :haha:

[!King_Amazon!]

Are you even trying anymore? Come on, man, you can do better than that. Insult scale says: 3/10. :haha:
ur mom says 3/10

[klo]

wait, when it comes to what?

[!King_Amazon!]

WHEN IT COMES 2 UR FACE OHHHHHH snap

[klo]

hey!!! jerk head

[Thanatos]

Who came to her face?

amirite???

[KagomJack]

To be honest, I'm happy with one person. Sometimes (actually, RARELY) I want to experiment with group activities to keep the sex life alive. I've only had two threesomes and I wasn't in a relationship at the time.