I didn't forget :P There's 24 hours in a day and I work graveyard.
Today's entry is from 04/22/2010
Today my cousin, Tina, was coming to visit us for the first time in a few years. Last I'd seen her was probably when she was in elementary school and she's 14 now, so yeah, cool. I remember her being a bit too thin for a normal kid and having very long and curly hair, however, that was a bit...different when she came to visit.
I answered the door and was sorta surprised she put on a lot of weight and her hair was cut really short and she had bad acne. I brought her in anyway and gave her a hug because, y'know, family. Dad walked by and stopped, staring at her for a few moments and said "You put on weight." and walked off. Tina didn't seem to care, saying she has heard worse.
So we go and look around, showing her all the changes in the interior since she last came around. She seemed a bit bored, so I took her to go see mom, who was in the middle of her vodka brunch (which basically consists of her drinking shots of vodka and eating pumpernickel bread). When we came in, she was staring down at the bread, muttering to herself (which she said was her praying over the bread). I cleared my throat and got her attention. "Mom, Tina's here."
She craned her head a bit to look between Tina and me and said "Where? Is she behind your fat, crater faced, soon to be on '16 and Pregnant' girlfriend or whatever?" I looked at her with a rather shocked and appalled look on my face. Tina blinked and started to open her mouth, but couldn't find the words. "Mom! That's so mean! She's right here next to me." I yelled, motioning towards Tina. "Oh, well, shit! Tina you look...just godawful. Like someone rubbed a cheese grater against your face and force fed you an entire African village." I could see that this was probably the worst she ever heard. Tina began to start sniffling and sobbing, mom downing a shot of vodka. "Oh honey, don't cry, please, you look like a walrus with a bad cold. It's not that I don't love you any more, but you just really let yourself go. I could blame puberty, but that'd just be too much of a lie."
I became livid and just couldn't believe she'd talk to her own niece like that. "Mom! There's no need to be so cruel!" She shrugged and said "You know that I'm 100% honest all the time and that's all I'm doing right now. Honey, you need to join a gym and use some Purina." I glared. "Mom, what the hell?" "Oh, right, not Purina. That's for dogs, which you look like Tina. I meant that stuff, that acne stuff. That starts with a 'p'."
I quickly pulled Tina away and began apologizing. It was a shock to me she'd be so callous to her own niece! Crazy bitch. "I forgot why I hated coming here. Aunt Eva is kind of a bitch." I chuckled and had to agree.
So instead of subjecting her to more torture, I took her around the town, showing her different shopping places and such. We had a good time and ate lunch, my treat. She also pointed out that I was just way too gay and needed to tone it down. She also asked if I had a boyfriend. How she figured it out, I don't know. She said it had to do with me knowing the difference between light blue and sky blue.
When we finally came home, mom was cooking dinner (and magically not burning the kitchen down like the last time she actually cooked). We went into the dining room to have a seat at our spots. That was a bad idea as my parents are evil fucks. Everyone had a spot assigned as kids and we had a guest spot. Tina's spot (the guest one) had a doggy dish on it with kibble. Dad walked by and said "Zinger!" He then explained he thought it was funny because of her acne and bad looks. Mom yelled from the kitchen it was funny, but to leave Tina alone before she cries again.
Dinner was not bad. We had lasagna and some beans (because my dad is obsessed with eating beans). The conversation was the bad part. They left Tina alone for a good bit, asking general questions like "how was the bus ride" and whether or not her parents divorce had been for her and, of course, my favorite follow-up question by my oh so wonderful mother: "How does it feel to know it was your fault in all likelihood because of your obesity and dyke haircut."
That's when I tried to get them to stop, but then dad had to butt in "Tina, that does bring up a good point. Are you a lesbian?" Tina sat in horror, her fork dropping out her hands. "Come on sweety, you can tell us. We won't judge you. Really. It would explain the haircut." "Mom, dad! What the hell?" I yelled. "What? We won't. We know you're a fruit loop and we still love you." he said with a smile. I recoiled in my chair. Mom grabbed my arm and shook it lovingly, as well as drunkenly. "Honey, we know you're gay. It's so obvious. You picked out everything for the remodeling we did, you coordinated my girls' night out party, and not to mention you can tell the difference in so many minute colors. It's not difficult." I shrunk into my chair.
That's when Tina erupted "No, I'm not a lesbian. Goddammit I like guys. I got this haircut because mom tried to cut it herself. And I can't help this weight. When mom and dad got divorced, I just ate all the time to hide my pain. And this acne is awful and I can't help it because now I'm suddenly going into womanhood and bleeding once a month! And now you guys, my own family, are being such gargantuan dicks that I realize why I never wanted to come here. You're awful fucking people!" She covered her mouth after she realized what she'd said, just looking at everyone. "I...I'm sorry. It's just...you hurt my feelings." she whimpered.
Mom began laughing. So did dad. That's when they said she should never take shit from anyone and that they were very proud of her at that moment for standing up to them. I, was of course, still mortified at it all. They offered to go get Tina ice cream and a gift so they could make it up to her for being so callous and mean.
That night as Tina went to the bus stop to get on so she could head home, she told me that I was the only good thing from the trip and wanted me to talk to her more often. I told her sure thing and went back in bed. Mom grabbed my arm and pulled me aside, telling me that they meant what they said about me being gay and all and that I shouldn't have been afraid to come out, though they forcibly outed me. She also said that she didn't understand why I felt comfortable. I told her that it was because of how horribly racist dad is and that I felt he had hatred there for gays too.
She laughed and felt the urge to correct me: "No, no. Your dad isn't racist. He just hates kykes and sand niggers. His uncle was gay and his best friend at work is Filipino. He doesn't care about you liking men. He loves you and nothing can change that. Unless you date a Jew." I chuckled nervously and agreed. I knew that Ben was to be a secret for sure. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and said good night as she passed out to C-Span. Dad was out at a friend's house thankfully, so I went right up to my room and talked to Ben for a while.
So yeah, crazy day. Later then! Deuces.