Well, guess what I won motherfuckers.
I'm at the "What Would You Do For..." contest standing in the back of the room of at least 1000 people. They're pulling people up on stage to do goofy shit and win prizes.
"Who has... a quarter with the state of Texas on the back of it in their pocket?"
People rush the stage, and the first four get up. They eat butter popsicles, and the first guy to finish his wins a GeForce 6600. They offer him another popsicle to get another card so he can run em SLI. Of course he does it.
This sort of thing goes on for... oh an hour or so I guess. They're nearing the end of the show, and the lady (Julie Stoffer
from G4) says, "Okay this is a good prize, so I'm going to have to think of something that nobody's going to have."
I think, "Well fuck. I'm in the back of the room... I've got my wallet, a hat, and my glasses."
"Come up to the front if you have... a condom."
So I start tearing ass up to the front of the room. I assume everybody's got to have a condom. Six (6) guys in a room of at least a thousand (maybe 20 girls there who aren't staff) have a condom on them. Julie starts picking people. Two of the guys' condoms are expired. They're sent packing. Then the guy on stage says, "Wait, now we can only have one person for this one, so pick the most interesting one."
Me: MINE'S MINT FLAVORED!!!
She looks at me and considers... She looks at the next two guys. They have nothing special. The last guy opens his and puts it on his head. He's going to blow it up like a balloon. It tears. "Well you broke yours, so it doesn't count as a condom any more."
She picks me. I get up on stage, and they tell me to pluck out one of my eyebrows. I'm yanking the hairs out in big clumps. I don't even feel it with all the adrenaline. I get halfway through and start working on the other eyebrow. "Wait wait! Just one!" Oh, my bad. I go back to the one trying to get it all out without a mirror. Then they stop me and say that they're going to eliminate the pain factor and just shave them off. Um... pain? Whatever.
So they shave both of my eyebrows off, and then Julie says, "Now wait. We had two girls shave their heads for video cards earlier... You've got to do more than just that. How about... an inverted mohawk." I throw a big thumbs up. The girl who shaved my eyebrows digs that razor into my hair. OWW OWW! Oh well. She finally gets it all shaved.
So... what did I win?
Dell Inspiron 9300
Pentium M 1.7
GeForce 6800 GT PCI-E
So I got the hair evened out.
I don't even think it would be that bad if I had eyebrows.
Anyhow, here's the kicker.
I've been trying to buy a laptop for a couple of months now. I've got a PM box full of messages at Hardforum.com negotiating prices. I don't have to buy one there now, right? Woot.
Well, guess where I got the condom. I didn't buy it...
Hardforum has a section where people post links to where you can get free samples of items (free shampoo, free fabric softener, free condoms). That's right. My mint flavored condom was a free sample from Hardforum. Fucking woot.