Tech Support gone bad

A man purchased a laptop from me. He called about a week later and said that it would no longer boot-up. I tried to troubleshoot with him about what went wrong but he said it wouldn't even start. I had him bring it in and I couldn't get it to work either. I was making preparations to remove the hard drive so I could put it into a new laptop for him. When I turned it over, I saw 16 nicely drilled holes in the bottom of the case. I asked him how this had happened and he said that it was getting hot sitting on his lap all the time, so he drilled some air holes in it. "Could that be the problem?" he asked.

"I downloaded Netscape and tried to install it. It said not to install this version if I was running Win95. So I uninstalled 95..."

Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

Caller called me up wanting to send something via email. She said that no matter what she did--it wouldn't go through. After much debating over the settings, I finally got around to asking her what she was trying to send...turns out it was a BOX she wanted to email to her daughter for her birthday!

Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to Fax anything. After 40 minutes of failed problem solving is was discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer". The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer - But that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

An IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my Warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder.

Tech: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Tech: "What sort of trouble?"

Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Tech: "Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared."

Tech: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Tech: "Nothing?"

Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Tech: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Tech: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"

Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Tech: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Tech: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Caller: "What's a monitor?"

Tech: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Caller: "I don't know."

Tech: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Caller: "...Yes, I think so."

Tech: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Caller: "...Yes, it is."

Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Caller: "No."

Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Caller: "...Okay, here it is."

Tech: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Caller: "I can't reach."

Tech: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

Caller: "No."

Tech: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

Tech: "Dark?"

Caller: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Tech: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller: "I can't."

Tech: "No? Why not?"

Caller: "Because there's a power outage."

Tech: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

CUST: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Tech: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Tech: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Tech: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

Service Rep: Sir, something has burned within your power supply.

Customer: I bet that there is some command that I can put into...

Service Rep: There is nothing that software can do to help you with...

Customer: I know that there is something that I can put in... some command... maybe it should go into the CONFIG.SYS.

[After a few minutes of going round and round like this]

Service Rep: Okay, I am not supposed to tell anyone this but there is a hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to edit your AUTOEXEC.BAT and add the last line as C:\DOS\NOSMOKE and reboot your computer.

[Customer does this]

Customer: It is still smoking.

Service Rep: I guess you'll need to call Microsoft and ask them for a patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE.

[The customer then hung up. We thought that we had
heard the last of this guy but NO... he calls back
four hours later]

Service Rep: Hello Sir, how is your computer?

Customer: I called Microsoft and they said that my power supply is incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one. I was wondering when I can have that done and how much it will cost..

heheh those are hilarious... and most likely true =P

are they true? Cause if they are, there are some REALLY stupid people around.

something i have never figured out is where the 'return' key is?
anybody minds telling me? sometimes it says "press return key to close/go back/etc" and i have to alt+cntrl+del to close it coz i dunno where the return key is

something i have never figured out is where the 'return' key is? anybody minds telling me? sometimes it says "press return key to close/go back/etc" and i have to alt+cntrl+del to close it coz i dunno where the return key is

The return key is that long or L shaped key on right side of the letter part of your keyboard that you use to end a line. Most have a symobl that looks like this on them:

| <---+

I hope you're kidding
--WetWired

lol it's almost sorta "cute" to see my dad trying to get on the internet... he's 59 now, so it's cool he can ever turn the freaking thing on... but anyways, I quite frequently go under the search area oh XP, and I find stuff like HistoryChannel.com and nascar.com and packers.com (at least he likes the packers, woo go team!)...

return key would also be known as the enter key.

but yeah those are some retards, if i was as stupid as them i would kill myself.

but yeah those are some retards, if i was as stupid as them i would kill myself.

Not that I agree with you in the first place, but wouldn't you be too stupid?

WetWired's evil twin strikes again!

lololol i got the wav for that cupholder 1 somewhere heheh its jokes, i also got a film of a guy in an office cubicle, and his comp freezes up, so he vulgerlly starts pressing all the keys, he then smashes his fists on the keyboard, then picks up the keyboard, as soon as he picks it up, u see a chineese guy's head pop up from the cubicle behind him, thinking wtf? anyways he picks up the keyboard and swings it against the monitor about 10 times braking it to pieces, and this is REAL lol anyways i got cary'd away with typing but ya...lol