Girl Problems

Some of you might remember Kara, i posted her pic on here a while back, never expectin to hook up with her. Over the past month we been talkin, like.. a LOT. Textin me after and before school, calling me after and before school. You know. Well 3 days ago my friend asked her for me if she liked me, and that if i asked her out tomorrow then what would she say. She said ofcourse. I asked her out tonight while she was on away message. Heres how it went;

Me: Hey, you know Glens going out of town tomorrow? He's going to NY for a few days to visit his dad.
Kara: Away
Me: But, besides glen, a more important subject... An idea of mine was asking you out, kara, as you have probably heard..You know I like you, and i was hoping you felt the same way.
Me:So.. Will you go out with me, Kara?

then I texted her and said "when you have time, check your away messages, its really important, love ya, kara, bye"

She came back from away for 3 mins, and I said "hey" when she got back, not a word, this isnt unusual, shes done it before, comes back for 2 mins and doesnt say anything to anyone.

Then I re-texted her and said "Uhhh... Yeah.. Confused", and she texted me back saying "Not right now", I was more confused so i checked up and asked if "not right now" meant that she read my message and doesnt want to go out right now, or that she meant that she cant check it right now. I was desperatly hoping for #2. She texted back and said "Just not right now". Still, doesnt answer my question completly, but its a sure sign of No.

What to do? Im not really upset, im used to being denied, but I just dont know how to get her to go out with me, this is the only time ive really tried hard for a girl to go out with me.m


Any advice on techniques to ask her out or how to get her? Thanks.

You asked a girl out to her away message? Wow.

Uh... first off, you have to do it under the right conditions, heh.

A good setting, where you're both alone and having a good laugh or something.

Secondly... doing it when she's away is so dorky. Jeez.

Third... she doesn't want to go out with you.

Should've asked her in person, babe. :T

"Not right now" doesn't necessarily mean no, she could have been arguing with her parents or something, but you still should have done it in person.

OK ....heres how you failed:

1) Asked her online
2) Asked her to her away msg
3)You ASKED her if she wanted to go out with you, this is the deal you don't EVER ask a girl to go out with you, you offer her a chance to spend time with you, ex: "Im going to xxx tonight, you should come"
4)You seemed weak and insecure in sending all those TXT msgs to her questioning her about it.

JR; it wasnt like an away.. We were talking for like 30 minutes, then she said "brb", and I figured she'd be back within like 2 minutes; this is how i meant it to go:

Chit chatting, making her laugh, etc. Example from this specific convo went like this:
"Hey are you going to the football game tomorrow?-nick",
"There is no game tomorrow-kara",
"Oh really, you should keep me updated on this kinda stuff, but what are you doing tomorrow then-nick",
"The movies....-Kara"(i knew she was going, but i asked anyways),
"Oh really? Me too!-nick",
"LOL-kara"
---After chatting like this, making her laugh, feel special, praising her; this is how it was supposed to go.

Me: Hey, you know Glens going out of town tomorrow? He's going to NY for a few days to visit his dad.
Kara:hey, brb
Kara: Away at 7:30
Me: But, besides glen, a more important subject... An idea of mine was asking you out, kara, as you have probably heard..You know I like you, and i was hoping you felt the same way.
Me:So.. Will you go out with me, Kara?
'Kara:returned at 7:32'
Kara: wow, im taken aback, but ofcourse nick,



Its not like I just messaged her out of the blue and she was away doing her own thing lol. I have somewhat style.

Grav; Your statements are explained both up and bottom.
Jessifer; Once again, read below.
K_A; I've considered that, but it was like a definite yes just a few days ago. I could've sworn if I asked her out thru the phone right htere then she wouldve said ofcourse; but I did want to do it in person, and I had thought that I wouldnt get a time to see her. She's the kind of girl that can get a boyfriend within minutes; and i felt like I had no time whatsoever, the drop dead gorgeous kind.

Hope thats understandble, my eyes are tired.

Grav; Your statements are explained both up and bottom.

¿Que?

K_A; I've considered that, but it was like a definite yes just a few days ago. I could've sworn if I asked her out thru the phone right htere then she wouldve said ofcourse; but I did want to do it in person

Friend of mine was in a situation with a girl where had he asked her out about a week after they started hanging out, she would have said yes. He asked about a month later, and she said no. Then later she told him she would have said yes that first week. WTF?

OK ....heres how you failed: 1) Asked her online 2) Asked her to her away msg 3)You ASKED her if she wanted to go out with you, this is the deal you don't EVER ask a girl to go out with you, you offer her a chance to spend time with you, ex: "Im going to xxx tonight, you should come" 4)You seemed weak and insecure in sending all those TXT msgs to her questioning her about it.

And heres what I knew I was getting myself into, as I was doing this.

1) Asked her online - I knew this was probabaly a dumb idea, but i figured it would work, its not like I wont have another chance to ask her out, she said not right now, and I highly doubted she would say NO to me, besides i sort of have a knack for being turned down the first time, then being accepted with open arms the next time. Dont ask why, I just have a feeling thats how its gona go.
2) Read previous.
3)I was asking her if she wanted to get into a relationship, I cant tell her "So you want an amazing chance to get into a relationship with nick?" It doenst work that way, sorry.
4) The truth is; I was very insecure. I was unsure, I was insecure. Im not trying to fool her, she will forget about it by tomorrow, so I knew it wasnt THAT big of a deal.

Instead of just saying "Will you go out with me?" You should ask her out to do something fun, id est:

"Wanna go bowling with me on (insert date)?"
or
"I was planning on going to (where ever) on (whenever), wanna come?".

Hell, same thing works for dinner/movie date. "Wanna go watch (movie) with me on (day)? We could grab a bite before hand if that sounds cool."

Yadda yadda yadda.

Once again; Its different being a younger teenager. We hang out in groups, the annual(weekly) day to go be with somebody is fridays or saturdays. If your in a serious relationship and you know your going somewhere to go do something, its any time of the week. Thats just the way things go. I shouldve rephrased it, I was asking to get into a relationship, not just ask her to go to the movies with me. I know for a fact she would go to the movies with me, we could do that any time whatsoever; we have before.

Then do it as a group thing. Pull her aside. Ask her in person.

But I already asked her; and she said not right now. Maybe she would go Sunday too.

Instead of just saying "Will you go out with me?" You should ask her out to do something fun, id est: "Wanna go bowling with me on (insert date)?" or "I was planning on going to (where ever) on (whenever), wanna come?". Hell, same thing works for dinner/movie date. "Wanna go watch (movie) with me on (day)? We could grab a bite before hand if that sounds cool." Yadda yadda yadda.

To teenagers, "going out" doesn't necessarily mean they actually go anywhere together. It's just a term used by teens for people who are in a relationship as more than friends, if that makes any sense at all. I think it's pretty stupid myself, but I've never had to worry about it either.

OK ....heres how you failed: 1) Asked her online 2) Asked her to her away msg 3)You ASKED her if she wanted to go out with you, this is the deal you don't EVER ask a girl to go out with you, you offer her a chance to spend time with you, ex: "Im going to xxx tonight, you should come" 4)You seemed weak and insecure in sending all those TXT msgs to her questioning her about it.

Heh, this guy's on top of his game.

Slaynish, you shouldn't ask for advice and then become critical when people give it to you. I think what most people were trying to say, was that you shouldn't have asked her to "go out" at all. That's about the equivalent to being in 1st grade and asking someone "Are we friends?" That's not how it's done. You do things with her, and if you hang out with groups you try to get alone time with her. You show interest in what she says and the things she does. You may be required to listen to what she says, that's normal. Then you two grow together and become really good friends(-WARNING- stay out of the friend zone -WARNING-, although that's another discussion entirely). Then one day you're alone, and you grow some balls and kiss her. Then maybe later you fool around and... well you get the picture. You don't ask a girl "Do you want to be girlfriend and boyfriend?" and expect either a relationship, or if there is a relationship, for it to last long at all.

My advice on your current situation:
Well you could always stick out the current situation with your error. That's what you will probably do, that's what anyone would probably do. However I'd say the best thing you could do is this nice little military tactic we call "regroup." Just step back, reevaluate, and go back in with a different attitude. Pretend you never did what you did, and work your way toward the kiss I discussed earlier. Oh ya, and the balls, you'll need some balls, because asking a girl out on an IM(with an away message mind you) is about the most cowardly pacifist thing you could've done.

Sorry to come down so hard, but it seemed like you needed it.

Good Luck

Everyone is giving excellent advice. The only thing i have to say is that you need to be patient. It goes along with what everyone was saying about being insecure. Okay so you asked her out over her away message huge mistake, but it is able to be corrected. However what is not correctable is the fact that you text messaged her phone. Basically this fucked you intirely, because even if she would have said yes she would have the knowledge that you are really digging her way too much. Which her having that knowledge is possibly the worst thing that she could have because she knows that you will be easy to manipulate simply because you could not contain your self to just waiting to find out her answer. My suggestion is that you should kind of be leary if she all of the sudden decides to go out with you.

I just put this in here due to the fact that from the way you are describing her that she is manipulative due to the fact that according to your friend she would have said of course i would a week ago but know it is not right now.

another thing that strikes me as a problem is this statement that you posted.

besides i sort of have a knack for being turned down the first time, then being accepted with open arms the next time.

This strikes me as a problem because it seems to me that you could be known by girls to be easily manipulated. I dont know if this is the case but just ask your self how your other relation ships ended.

Tidus; didnt read all of what you wrote but i'll get to it; the knack is a personal quality though.

S2AM; once again, if we arent in a relationship, whats going to stop her from getting with other guys.... shes not going to 'cheat' on her boyfriends with me...

I really just wanted to vent a little more. Shits just been pissing me off lately. Damn.

Cya, thx

the only thing u can do now, dont pressure her. If she likes u like ur friend said, then shes going nowhere. Wait for her to come to u now. Its going to be tough, but make sure u seem happy when around her, especially if u are in a group with your or her friends. Maybe make her a bit jealous by talking to another chick about anything. Not only will this piss her off, then she might realize that she does have something for u. "the forbidden fruit must be tasted."-zoolander

*bites*

I am well aware of that. For I too, as shocking as it may seem, was also a teenager at one point.

OMG im totally watching Zoolander right now lol

anyways, he nailed it... don't ask her out again, for one... pressure is bad! if anything... show less interest in her now than you have been.