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Posted 2004-07-20, 09:53 AM
Sex Education

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.
Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he started kissing and hugging herI figured 'Sis must be getting sickbecause her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just > the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the docotr because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick -- a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared -- her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats -- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.



Lover's Lane

A cop is patrolling Lover's Lane when he sees the strangest thing. A young teenage couple is sitting in a car, the guy in the front and the girl in the back. The guy is reading a magazine and the girl appears to be knitting.

He stops the patrol car and walks over to knock on the young man's window. He rolls the window down.

"Yes officer?"

"I have to ask you, what are you doing?"

"Well sir, I am reading a magazine."

"What about the young lady in the backseat?"

The young man turns to look behind him. "Well, I think she is knitting a pullover sweater."

"How old are you young man?" the officer asks.

"I am 25 Officer."

"And the girl?"

The young man looks at his watch. "Well, she'll be 18 in 11 minutes."


Stupid

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”














Quote:
!King_Amazon!: I talked to him while he was getting raped
[quote][16:04] jamer123: GRRR firefox just like quit on me now on internet exploder[quote]
...
[quote=!King_Amazon!]notices he's 3 inches shorter than her son and he's circumcised [quote]
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D3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidences
 
 
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Posted 2004-07-20, 11:28 AM in reply to D3V's post "Jokes Thread!"
I'm not sure whether it's worth digging up my post with all my Jew/Nigger/Woman jokes. But if you want me to, that's about a 15 minutes of pure laughter, guaranteed.
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Posted 2004-07-20, 11:30 AM in reply to uncapped's post starting "I'm not sure whether it's worth digging..."
Oh please do it, I love laughing.
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Posted 2004-07-20, 11:44 AM in reply to HandOfHeaven's post starting "Oh please do it, I love laughing."
What's the difference between a nigger and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
Niggers.

Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.

What do you call a nigger in a tree with a briefcase?
Branch manager.

Why do niggers cry during sex?
The Mace.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.

How do you get a nigger out of a tree?
Cut the rope.

What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger?
Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.

Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

What do you get when you cross a nigger and a spic?
Someone too lazy to steal.

Why don't niggers take aspirin?
They refuse to pick the cotton out.

What do nigger kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.

What's a niggers idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."

Why do spics drive low-riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.

Why don't nigger kids play in the sandbox?
Cats keep covering them up.

What do you call an apartment full of niggers?
A COON-dominium.

Why are there no nigger astronauts?
Their lips explode at 50,000 feet.

How do you babysit a niglet?
Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.

How do you get him down?
Teach him to say "Motherfucker."

How else do you babysit a niglet?
Put Velcro on the ceiling and tell him to jump.

How do you get him down?
Invite the spics over, blindfold them and tell them it's a piñata party.

What is a nigger on a bike?
Thief.


What's long and black and smells like shit?
The welfare line.

What do you call 50 niggers at the bottom of the ocean?
Good start.

What is the worst 3 years of a niggers life?
first grade.

How was break dancing invented?
Niggers trying to steal hubcaps from moving cars.

Why do niggers keep chickens in their back yards?
To teach their kids how to walk.

How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a nigger?

What is a nigger?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
"I set WHO free?"

Why are chimps always frowning?
They know in a million years they are going to turn into niggers.

A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
Who cares.

A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
The spic, because the nigger had to stop on the way down and spray paint "motherfucker" on the wall.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head?
A quarter-pounder.

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.

How do you start a foot race in Ethiopia?
Roll a doughnut down the street.

How many niggers does it take to pave a driveway?
One if you spread him real thin.

What's the difference between a nigger and a bag of shit?
The bag.

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day.

When does a Black man turn into a nigger?
As soon as he leaves the room.

What do you call a nigger with a Harvard education?
Nigger.

What do you call a nigger in a courtroom in a 3 piece suit?
The defendant.

There is a nigger and a spic in a car, who's driving?
The cop.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black.

How long does it take a nigger bitch to take a shit?
9 months.

Why don't nigger women wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies off the chicken.

Why does Alabama have niggers and California have earthquakes?
California got first pick.

Why are niggers like sperm?
Only one in a million actually work.

What do you call Mike Tyson with no arms?
Niger nigger nigger.

Why do police dogs lick their ass?
To get the taste of nigger out of their mouth.

What can a pizza do that a nigger can't?
Feed a family of four.

Why did the nigger carry a piece of shit in his wallet?
I.D.

What is red green yellow orange purple and pink?
A nigger dressed for church.

Why do niggers have flat noses?
That's where god put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.

Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

What is the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
A white owl goes, "Who, who," a black owl goes, "Who dat? Who dat?"

Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

What is black, white, and rolls off the end of the pier?
A nigger and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing.

What do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla.

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Did you hear about the new Chap Stick for niggers?
It comes in a spray can.

What's the difference between niggers and pit-bulls?
It's still legal to own a pit-bull.

What do you say to a black man in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."

Why do niggers walk the way they do?
Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a coat hanger.
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Posted 2004-07-20, 11:45 AM in reply to uncapped's post starting "What's the difference between a nigger..."
What do 3 million abused women do wrong every year?
They dont fucking listen


What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you already told her twice.


How many women does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.


Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.


What do you do when your dishwasher doesn't work?
Slap her.


Why did the woman cross the road?
The question really is "What the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?


How do you give a woman a really great orgasm?
Who cares?


What's the smartest thing that ever came out of a woman's mouth?
Einstein's cock.


Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?
She was a woman


Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
So she can moan with the other.


Why is a necrophiliac like a fur trapper?
They're both looking for dead beaver.


What's green, covered in crumbs, and lies on the side of the road?
A dead Girl Scout


What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
Getting her out of the wheelchair!


What's grosser than eating your grandmother's pussy?
Banging your head on the coffin lid after you're done.
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Posted 2004-07-20, 11:51 AM in reply to uncapped's post starting "What do 3 million abused women do wrong..."
fucken harsh man!

What do you do if you see a black man bleeding on your lawn?

Try to stop laughing and reload.
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Posted 2004-07-20, 12:00 PM in reply to -=Rico-GP=-'s post starting "fucken harsh man! What do you do if..."
What's wrong with 4 black dudes going over a cliff in an escalade?
It seats 5.

What's 3 things you can't give a blacky?
A black eye, a Fat lip, and a Job.

Good quality, racial humor.
Warning, This is all Racist jokes, do not read if easily offended

What happened when the nigger looked up his family tree?
A gorilla shit on his face.

Why don't niggers like blowjobs?
They don't like any jobs.

What do you call a nigger priest?
Holy shit.

Why do niggers always have sex on their mind?
Because they've got pubic hair on their head!

Why do niggers put their garbage out in clear plastic bags?
So mexicans can window shop.

Why do mexicans buy Cabbage Patch dolls?
Because they come with birth certificates.

Why don't mexicans have any Olympic teams?
Because all the mexicans who can run, jump, or swim have already left the country.

Why don't mexicans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.

Why do mexicans have re-fried beans?
Have you ever heard of a mexican doing anything right the first time?

How can you tell a mexican airline?
It's the one with hair under the wings.

What do you get when you cross a mexican with an octopus?
I don't know but it sure can pick lettuce.

What are three things you can't give a nigger?
A black eye, a fat lip and an education.

What do niggers use to wash their white clothes?
BLEEATCH!

Why can't spics be firefighters?
They can't tell Jose from hose B.

What did the nigger say when he slid down the zebra?
Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't.

What is the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?
A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.

What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person?
Neighbor.

What do you call two Ethiopians in a gold sleeping bag?
Twix.

Why is a Spic like a Skunk?
Beause they're half balck and half white, and smell like shit.

What's the difference between a nigger and a letter?
You can send a letter back to where it came from.

What's the difference between the holy grail and a nigger's daddy?
You may find the grail.

What is black, runny, and scratches on glass?
A nigger in a microwave.

What do you call 9 mexicans in front of your house?
A spicket fence.

How does the navy use niggers?
They debone them and use them as wetsuits.

What does Pontiac stand for?
Poor Old Niggers Think Its A Cadillac.

Do you remember the nigger family on the Jetsons? No?
The future looks pretty good!

Did you hear about the nigger that thought he was bleeding to death?
Turns out he just had diarrhea.

Why don't jews like oral sex?
It's too close to the gas chamber.

Why don't you run over a nigger on a bike?
Its probably your bike.

What do you call 50 niggers burried up to their necks in dirt?
Afro-turf.

Why do niggers drive with their windows up?
They think the smell is coming from outside.

Why do niggers eat tootsie rolls with a fork?
So they don't bite their fingers.

What do you call two nigger cops on motorcycles?
Chocolate chips.

Why don't niggers celebrate Thanksgiving?
KFC isn't open on holidays.

Why do niggers like basket ball?
It involves running, shooting and stealing.

What has four legs and a black arm?
A happy pitbull.

How do you know if a nigger is well hung?
If you can't fit your finger between his neck and the noose.

Did you hear about the jewish child molestor?
He hid in the bushes and said, "Hey little boy, wanna buy some candy?"

Did you hear about the jew bitch who told her husband, "Give me 10 inches and make it hurt."?
He fucked her twice and threw her down the stairs.


How many nigger college students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets 6 credits for it.


A spic walks into a bar and says, "Hey, nigger, give me a drink." The nigger bartender says, "I'll give you a drink, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn't refer to me as a "nigger." "Oh man!, I am sure sorry about that bro'. Won't happen again." A few minutes later the spic says, "Hey moon crickett, another round." The nigger says,"Hey, look, I really don't want you calling me "moon crickett" either." The spic says,"Sorry bootlips, I didn't mean anything by it." The bartender says, "OK that's it! How would you like it if you were the bartender and I came in here calling you names?" "I don't know, let's find out." So the spic puts on an apron and goes behind the bar and the nigger walks outside and comes back in and shouts, "Hey wetback! I want a fucking drink!" The "bartender" stops washing glasses and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, we don't serve niggers in here."
In a first grade class on the first day of school, the teacher wanted to get to know all the students, so she had them all stand up and say their names. A little niglet stood up and said that his name was "Mother Fucker." "Excuse me?" asked the incredulous teacher. "That's right ho, my name be Mother Fucker." "Well listen here," said the teacher, "this may be the first day of school, and you may think you can use foul language to get attention, but I can assure you that I won't tolerate it. Now, tell me your real name right now or I will send you straight to the principal's office." The black boy replied, "Look bitch, I said my name be Mother Fucker, and I mean ta tell ya, it be Mother Fucker!" "Well, that's it! Get out of my classroom right now!" The boy headed for the door and when he got there he turned to his twin brother who was also in the classroom and said, "Come on, Fuck Face, the bitch ain't gonna believe you either."

A nigger walks into a bar with a duck on his shoulder. Bartender says, "Hey, cool, where did you get that?" Duck says, "Africa, they are all over the fucking place."

Nigger walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doctuh, you gots ta hep me! I'm dyin' and it hurts!" "Well, where does it hurt, boy?" "Oh lawd, it hurts here," pointing to his leg, "And it hurts here," pointing to his arm, "And it's killin' me here," pointing to his stomach. After a full examination, the doctor says, "Get out of my office you asshole, all you have is a broken finger!"

The Pope, a boyscout, and the smartest nigger in the world are on an airplane. The engines fail, the plane starts going down, and there is only 2 parachutes. The smartest nigger in the world says, "Due to my extraordinarily high intelligence, I believe it is imperative that I survive and continue to show my people the path to greatness." He grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The Pope tells the boyscout, "I am an old man and I am ready to meet God, so you may use the remaining parachute, my son." The boyscout replies, "No, that's cool Pope, we both have parachutes because that nigger just jumped out of the plane with my backpack."

A priest and a rabbi show up at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, "Can I help you boys?" "Well, yeah, we just died and we would like to come in to Heaven." Peter looks at his clipboard and says, "I don't think so. You have been pretty bad on Earth and we don't let people like that in here. But I'll tell you what; go ahead and go to Hell, just for now. If Satan will let you come back, I will let you in." Peter sends them away laughing, because Satan never lets anyone go to Heaven. About 10 minutes later the preacher shows back up at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, "No shit! Satan let you come back?" "Yeah, he was in a good mood and said for $20 bucks each we could get out of Hell." "Well, where is that rabbi?" "I don't know, when I left he had Satan down to $19.95."

There is this rich Texas rancher who has a 100 meter long swimming pool with a shark in it. He has always said if anyone could swim from one end to the other without being eaten, he would give them either his daughter or his ranch. Well, his beautiful daughter had gone off to art school in New York and brought a nigger classmate home to one of her Dad's big barbeques. Of course, everyone is talking about how fucked up it is that the rancher's daughter brought a nigger there, when all of a sudden there was a huge splash. Everyone looked, and it was the nigger swimming his black ass off with the shark hot on his trail. At the other end of the pool the nigger threw himself out of the water and lay gasping and panting on the ground. The rancher came up and said, "Well, shit. I am a man of my word, so do you want my ranch or my daughter?" The nigger said, " Neither, I just want to know who pushed me into the pool."

It was the Summer of 1968 and a nigger showed up at the Pearly Gates. Peter comes out and says, "Uh, is there something I can do for you? I mean, we don't let niggers in here." "I know," said the nigger, "It's just that, I am from Alabama, and I grew up around White folks, and I like White folks, and I even married a White woman, so I thought maybe I could get in." Peter said, "Wait, you say you married a White woman in Alabama? When the hell was this?" The nigger looks at his watch and says, "Oh, about 10 minutes ago."

Two white convicts escape from their prison, only to find that a nigger has followed them out and is running along with them. The three of them see a few tree in the distance and they each climb up one to avoid the bloodhounds that are tracking them. When the police and dogs get to the first tree the dogs go crazy, barking and jumping. The White convict goes, "Meeeow," and the cops just think it is a cat stuck in a tree. So they go to the next tree where the other White convict says, "Hoo Hoo hoo Hoooo." The police figure it is just an owl in the tree. The nigger, hearing how the 2 White guys avoided capture, figures he will do the same, and when the dogs get to his tree, he lets out a lou, "Moooooooooo."
So anyway, they all three get captured, and now they face the firing squad. The first White guy is standing there and as the warden says, "Ready.....Aim...." the prisoner points behind the cops and yells, "Tornado!" As the firing squad turns to look for the twister, the convict jumps over the wall and escapes. Now they have the second White convict standing there. "Ready.....Aim...." He points over their shoulders and yells, "Flash flood!", and escapes as they turn to look. Now the nigger has his turn. "Ready.Aim....." Just then the nigger jumps up and points and yells, "Fire!"

2 priests are arguing over whether God is black or White. Finally the one says he will just go ask God himself. When he comes back he says with a shrug, "I don't know, he just said 'I am what I am'" The other priest says, Well, that proves it! God is white!" "How can you be so sure?" "Well, because, if God was a nigger he would have said, "I is what I is."

Two big, fat, greasy nigger bitches are at the zoo. These are some big buffarilla type women. So they go to the monkey section where the sign says, "Don't feed the gorilla." But the one woman tries to feed the big silverback a bannana anyway. Well, the huge gorilla walks over, bends the bars apart, grabs the nigger woman inside the cage, and beats the shit out of her and commences to raping her in the ass. It takes the zoo keepers 20 minutes to make the gorilla let go of her. They were spraying it with a fire hose, hitting it with sticks, finally they shot it with about 5 tranquilizers. So the one nigger woman goes to visit her friend in the hospital, and she is fucked up. Swollen eyes, missing teeth, hair all torn out, and as soon as she sees her friend she breaks out crying and sobbing. "There, there honey," says her friend, comforting her and holding her, "We are gonna get you through this and you are gonna be jus' fine, honey." "I know, I know," says the first one, "But he don't call and he don't write and he don't come visit....."

A black nun and a White nun are walking through Central Park at night when 2 niggers jump out and start raping them. "Oh, forgive them, Lord, for the they know not what they do." The black nun exclaims, "Mine sure do!"

So a nigger gets a job digging telephone pole holes and at the end of the day the foreman comes by to see how many he had gotten done. "One, boss," he replied. "One! Hell everybody else can dig 15 holes a day!" "Yeah, sure, but they way they dig them, look how much of the telephone pole is still sticking out of the ground!"

A White man and a nigger are walking through the jungle when a lion jumps out to attack them. The White man throws a handful of sand in the lion's face and climbs up a tree real quick, and says to the nigger, who is still standing on the ground, "Hey, you better get your black ass up in this tree!" "Why?," said the spook, "I didn't throw sand in his face."

The F.B.I. sends an agent to South Africa to learn how the police there stop riots. The South African Police General takes him to a township disturbance where the police fire tear gas grenades at the niger mob. The mob runs away a few blocks, regroups, and comes rushing back at the police. Then the cops open up on them with powerful fire hoses, sending the rioters spinning down the street like soccer balls. They regroup and come charging back again, only to be met with squads of German Shepherd attack dogs. They bite those niggers so full of holes that they run like hell and don't come back. "Very impressive," says the F.B.I. agent, "But let me ask you; since the dogs were so effective, why not just use them first?" "Ah, you don't understand," said the Police general, "The niggers down here smell so bad, first we have to fumigate them and rinse them off before our dogs will touch them."

A guy walks into a bar and exclaims, "Goddamn, niggers are fucking assholes!" Someone at the end of the bar says, "Hey, I am offended by that!" "Why, you aren't a nigger." "I know, I'm a fucking asshole!"

A house at the end of the street in a small country town catches on fire. Soon it is fully engulfed in flames and it looks like there is no hope, when all of a sudden here comes a beat up old Chevy truck with a whole family of niggers crammed into it. Must have been 20 of them. Well, they come tearing through town, honking and waving and screaming for people to get out of the way, and they drive right straight into that burning house and stomp the whole damn fire out with their bare feet. The townspeople come crowding around them and congratulate them and thank them for saving the house, and as a token of their gratitude, they give the nigger family $100. "What are you going to do with the money?" they asked. "Well," says the father of the family, "First off we is gonna fix dem fuckin' brakes!"

A man is driving down the road and he sees a nigger family carrying furniture and dishes into an outhouse. He just shakes his head and keeps driving. The next day he sees them attaching a satellite dish to the roof of the outhouse. He just shakes his head and keeps driving. The next day he drives by and sees two satellite dishes on the roof, and he stops to see what the hell is going on. He says to the nigger, "OK, first I see you carrying furniture into the outhouse and I figure you were moving in. Then I see you putting a dish on the roof, and I figure if you are living in a shithouse you might as well watch T.V. But now I see two dishes on the roof. It is such a small outhouse, why do you need two satellite dishes?" The nigger replied, "Oh, we rented the basement out to Mexicans."

A hindu a jew and a nigger are all walking through the country and stop at a farmer's house to see if they could sleep there for the night. "Well," said the farmer, "All I got fer ya is the barn." The three travellers all agreed that the barn was fine, and the farmer showed them the way. A few minutes later there is a knock at the farmer's door. It was the hindu. He said, "I am very sorry, but there is a cow in the barn and it is strictly forbidden for me to sleep in the barn with a cow. Besides, it smells like shit out there." "Oh, fine, you can sleep in the damn house!" said the farmer. A few minutes later there is another knock at the door. This time it's the jew. He said, "Sir, I am jewish, and you expect me to sleep in the same barn as a pig? A dirty, disgusting, filthy swine? Besides, it smells like shit out there." "Fine, fine, you can sleep in the damn house, just stop bitching!" A few minutes later there is another knock at the door. "I swear to god if it's that damn nigger I am going to whip his ass, because I'll be damned if I let him sleep in my house!" The farmer opened the door and it was the pig and the cow.

A nigger finds a magic lamp and rubs it and when the genie pops out he told her he wanted to be "Tight, White, and outta sight!" So she turned him into a Tampon.

Two niggers walking down the street see a sign that says, "Turn White for $15." The two groids turn their pockets inside out only to discover that one has a 20 dollar bill and the other one has a 10 dollar bill. Since neither one of them has exactly $15, they can't figure out how they can both get turned White.....Finally one of them has a stroke of genius. "You take $20 and go in there and get turned White, then when you come out you can give me your $5 change and then I will have $15 and I can get turned white, too!" "Bet, dog," says the other bootlip, and he goes inside. 10 minutes later, you wouldn't believe it. That nigger was blond haired, blue eyed, and even had on a suit and a tie. The first nigger says, "Man, holy shit, I can't believe it, you are really White! Hurry up and give me that $5 so I can do it too!" "Fuck you, nigger, get a job!"

A first grade teacher wanted to help her students learn black history so one Thursday, she told them that she would read them some famous quotes and whoever could guess who said it could stay home from school the next day. The first one she read was, "By any means necessary." Hands shot up. "Yes, Leroy, can you tell me who said that?" "Malcom X." "That's right," said the teacher, "You may go home now, and you don't have to come to class tomorrow." The next one was, "I have a dream." Again, dozens of little black hands went up. "Yes, Shaquita, do you know who said that?" "Martin Luther King, Jr." "Why yes, that's right, you can go home early and skip school tomorrow also." From the back of the classroom came a disgusted voice, "You goddamn niggers make me fucking sick." The teacher ran to the back of the room and screamed, "Who said that!?" The little White boy jumped out of his chair and headed for the door, saying on his way out, "David Duke. See ya Monday, bitch!"

A nigger finds a lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out and offers to grant him a wish. He told her he wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of his life with 3 women in bed with him. The next day he woke up in bed with Hillary Clinton, Lorena Bobbitt, and Tonya Harding. His dick was gone, his leg was broken, and he didn't have any health insurance.

An old jew bitch was walking her grandson down the beach when a huge wave came up and washed the little boy out to sea. The old woman shook her fist at the sky and cursed God for 20 minutes for taking her only grandson. Finally God couldn't stand the irritating bitch anymore and he sent another wave that set the boy, unharmed, gently back at her feet. After a quick search of the boy she shook her fist at the sky and shrieked, "He had 50 cents in his pocket when you took him!"

A nigger couple showed up at the Pearly Gates. Peter came out and said, "Yes?" "Uh, well sir, my wife and I just died in a car wreck, and we thought we could get into Heaven now." Peter looked at his clipboard and shook his head. "No, you two have been pretty scandalous, I don't think we can have you in here. Well....tell you what. I will bring you back to life and put you back on Earth for 30 days. If you can show some self control and abstain from having sex for the whole month, I will let you in." A month later the 2 showed back up at Heaven. "Well," said Peter, "how did you do?" The nigger replied, "Well, we did great for the first 28 days, but then my wife dropped a bag of potato chips on the floor, and when she bent down to pick them up I just lost it and did her right there on the floor." "That's too bad, because now you know I can't let you into Heaven," said Peter. "Oh, that's OK," said the nigger, "they won't let us back in the grocery store, either."

An Indian chief went to a whorehouse and said he wanted a woman. The madam asked him if he had ever been with a woman before, and he said no. She told him to go find a tree with a hole in it and practice on that for a while. He came back a week later and said he had practiced fucking a hole in a tree and now he wanted a woman. He went upsatairs with a whore, but about 30 seconds later she came running down the stairs yelling and screaming, bloody and bruised, with the injun running behind her swinging a large stick. The madam said, "What the hell are you doing to my whore?" The indian replied, "This time me check for bees first!"

A little niglet put some flour on his face and when his mother came home he said, "Look Momma, I is a White boy!" She slapped him and sent him to his room. When his father came home he came running out and said, "Look Daddy, I is a White boy!" His father slapped him and sent him to his room. Finally the boy's grandmother came home and the boy thought for sure that she wouldn't be so mean, so he ran out and said, "Hey, I is a White boy!" When his grandmother also slapped his face, the boy shouted, "I has only been White for 15 minutes and I already hate you damn niggers!"

A nigger finds a magic lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out. When he sees the nigger he says, "Oh, shit. What do you want?" The nigger says, "I want a bridge from America to Africa made out of pure gold." The genie says, "Are you fucking crazy? You know how much gold that would take? That is impossible. Pick something else." So the nigger says, "OK, I want all the little nigger children to be just as smart and good looking as the White children." The genie says, "OK, so that bridge, you want it to be 2 lanes or 4 lanes?"

A nigger boy comes home from his first grade class and said, "Momma, all the White kids made an A+ on the math test, but I failed. Why is that?" His mother said, "It's because you are black, my son." Then the boy said, "And all the White kids got an A+ on the spelling test, but I failed that too. How come?" "Because you are black, my son," said his mother. "But then when we took a shower after gym class, I noticed my dick was bigger than all the White boy's dicks. Why is that?" "Well son," she said, "that is because you are 15 years old."

A trucker carrying a load of bowling balls picked up 2 nigger hitchikers who were pushing bikes with flat tires. He tells them they have to ride in back with the bowling balls, which is fine with them. A few miles down the road a cop pulls the truck over for speeding and he asks to look in the back of the truck. After a quick glance he shuts the door and tells the trucker to get the hell down the road as fast as he can. Then he gets on the police radio and tells his chief, "I got a truck headed your way, you escort him to the county line and get them to escort him right out of the state, quick!" "Why, what the hell is wrong?" asked the chief. "What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong....that truck is carrying a load of nigger eggs and 2 of them have already hatched and stole some bikes!"

A chinaman and a jew are drinking at a bar when the jew gets nasty. "You motherfuckers ought to be ashamed of yourselves for Pearl Harbor. Sneaky little shits, bombing all of those innocent sailors, fuck you." The chink replied, "Hey! Wait a minute, that wasn't us! I'm Chinese. Pearl Harbor was done by Japanese." The jew said, "Ahh, Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" So the chink says, "Well, what about your people? Sinking the Titanic and killing all those helpless women and children, I should fuck you up right here." The kike exclaimed, "What the hell are you yapping about? Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it hit an iceberg, you jackass!" The chink said, "Ahh, iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"


What do you call a nigger drinking out of the toilet?
Pushing his luck.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.

Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
He heard boys' pants were half-off.

Who does Michael Jackson consider to be a Perfect "10"?
Two 5 year olds.

Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
He thought it was a delivery service.

After his wife had a baby, Michael Jackson asked the doctor when it would be OK to have sex again.
The doctor told him he should wait until the kid was at least 12 or 13 years old.

A priest and a rabbi were walking down the side walk. On the other side of the street they see a 12 year old boy. The priest says "Lets go fuck him." The rabbi looks for a minute and then says "Out of what?"

What do you call 10 niggers in a steam room?
Gorillas In The Mist.

How does Santa Claus know he's at a Jewish house?
There is a parking meter on the roof.

What do you call a fag in a wheelchair?
Roll AIDS.

What do you throw a drowning nigger?
The rest of his family.

How do you blind a Chink?
You put a windshield in front of him.

Why did so few niggers vote for Jesse Jackson?
He promised them jobs.

Did you hear about the nigger who had a heart attack on Halloween?
Somebody came dressed as a job.

What do you call a French nigger?
Jacues Custodian.

How is a nigger like a broken gun?
It doesn't work and you can't fire it.

What do you call 5 niggers hanging from a tree?
A Mississippi wind chime.

Why did the nigger cross the road?
Who the fuck cares why is he out of the cotton field?

What do you call a white man surrounded by 100 niggers?
Warden.

Do you know why flies have wings?
So they can get away from the niggers.

What's the difference between a pothole and a nigger?
You'd swerve to avoid a pothole, wouldn't you?

Why don't niggers stick their heads out of moving vehicles?
Their lips catching the wind will beat them to death.

What do you call a nigger hitchiker?
Stranded.

What do you call a nigger after his white girlfriend breaks up with him?
Homeless.

What's the difference between nigger pussy and a bowling ball?
You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.

How do you get a nigger to commit suicide?
Toss a bucket of fried chicken into traffic.

What do you call a nigger with an IQ of 15?
Gifted.

What's the difference between a truckload of watermelons and a truckload of nigger babies?
You can't unload watermelons with a pitchfork!

What's black and red, wears high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving door?
A nigger with a spear through his head.














Quote:
!King_Amazon!: I talked to him while he was getting raped
[quote][16:04] jamer123: GRRR firefox just like quit on me now on internet exploder[quote]
...
[quote=!King_Amazon!]notices he's 3 inches shorter than her son and he's circumcised [quote]

Last edited by D3V; 2004-07-20 at 12:14 PM.
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D3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidences
 
 
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Posted 2004-07-20, 12:18 PM in reply to D3V's post starting "What's wrong with 4 black dudes going..."
how long does it take a black women to take a shit?



9 months
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-=Rico-GP=- is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between-=Rico-GP=- is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between
 
 
-=Rico-GP=-
 



 
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Posted 2004-07-20, 12:20 PM in reply to -=Rico-GP=-'s post starting "how long does it take a black women to..."
That was mentioned in one of uncapped's posts. Get with the program.
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HandOfHeaven seldom sees opportunities until they cease to beHandOfHeaven seldom sees opportunities until they cease to beHandOfHeaven seldom sees opportunities until they cease to beHandOfHeaven seldom sees opportunities until they cease to be
 
 
HandOfHeaven
 



 
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Posted 2004-07-20, 12:24 PM in reply to HandOfHeaven's post starting "That was mentioned in one of uncapped's..."
Oh shiznit, I didn't realize how many jokes I posted.














Quote:
!King_Amazon!: I talked to him while he was getting raped
[quote][16:04] jamer123: GRRR firefox just like quit on me now on internet exploder[quote]
...
[quote=!King_Amazon!]notices he's 3 inches shorter than her son and he's circumcised [quote]
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D3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidences
 
 
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Posted 2004-07-20, 01:02 PM in reply to HandOfHeaven's post starting "That was mentioned in one of uncapped's..."
how about you stop knocking me
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-=Rico-GP=- is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between-=Rico-GP=- is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between
 
 
-=Rico-GP=-
 



 
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Posted 2004-07-20, 01:15 PM in reply to -=Rico-GP=-'s post starting "how about you stop knocking me"
He knocks about everyone.
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Slim shows clear signs of ignorance and confidence; the two things needed to succeed in lifeSlim shows clear signs of ignorance and confidence; the two things needed to succeed in life
 
Slim
 



 
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Posted 2004-07-20, 04:04 PM in reply to D3V's post "Jokes Thread!"
Whats the difference between the adbominable{sp} snow man and a working nigger?

The adbominable{sp} snow man been seen.
---
What do you do when your woman bitches?

Take her out to the backyard and shoot her.
----
What do you do when a woman is staggering in your backyard?

Shoot her again.
----
Why dont you shoot a nigger?

Its a waste of ammunition.


~ KAMAHAME---Oh shit it's happening again.... ~
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Tyrannicide enjoys the static noises of ten television sets simultaneously tuned to 412.84 MHzTyrannicide enjoys the static noises of ten television sets simultaneously tuned to 412.84 MHz
 
 
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Posted 2004-07-20, 04:05 PM in reply to Tyrannicide's post starting "Whats the difference between the..."
This coming from someone 1/8th black...
Fuckin racist.
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Slim shows clear signs of ignorance and confidence; the two things needed to succeed in lifeSlim shows clear signs of ignorance and confidence; the two things needed to succeed in life
 
Slim
 



 
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Posted 2004-07-20, 07:23 PM in reply to Slim's post starting "This coming from someone 1/8th black......"
lol, drop that because it was a joke.

Plus im not the only one that put jokes like that, i may say stuff but IRL i am not racists at all.


~ KAMAHAME---Oh shit it's happening again.... ~
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Tyrannicide enjoys the static noises of ten television sets simultaneously tuned to 412.84 MHzTyrannicide enjoys the static noises of ten television sets simultaneously tuned to 412.84 MHz
 
 
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Posted 2004-07-20, 07:36 PM in reply to Tyrannicide's post starting "lol, drop that because it was a joke. ..."
Ok, but you're still a wigger.
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Slim shows clear signs of ignorance and confidence; the two things needed to succeed in lifeSlim shows clear signs of ignorance and confidence; the two things needed to succeed in life
 
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Posted 2004-07-20, 07:52 PM in reply to Slim's post starting "Ok, but you're still a wigger."
Some of those were funny, but I've heard most of those before. Now it's time to bash on the white people!! (no offense meant ofcourse. All in good humor.)

What's white and more than eight inches long?
Absolutely nothing!

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.

What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass! (EXCEPT THE GIRLS IN MY SIG!)

What does a white woman make for dinner?
Reservations

How many white girls does it take to screw in a light?
None, white girls can't screw

How do you circumsize a white guy?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

I'll post some jokes of other races later, just hadn't heard too many on white people yet.
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Posted 2004-07-20, 07:55 PM in reply to Demosthenes's post starting "Some of those were funny, but I've..."
mjordan2nd said:
How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.
None, he can make his nigger to do it.
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Slim shows clear signs of ignorance and confidence; the two things needed to succeed in lifeSlim shows clear signs of ignorance and confidence; the two things needed to succeed in life
 
Slim
 



 
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Posted 2009-06-26, 12:04 PM in reply to Slim's post starting "None, he can make his nigger to do it...."
lololololol














Quote:
!King_Amazon!: I talked to him while he was getting raped
[quote][16:04] jamer123: GRRR firefox just like quit on me now on internet exploder[quote]
...
[quote=!King_Amazon!]notices he's 3 inches shorter than her son and he's circumcised [quote]
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D3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidencesD3V is convinced there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidences
 
 
D3V
 



 
Reply
Posted 2009-06-26, 12:59 PM in reply to D3V's post starting "lololololol"
How a many Michael jacksons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Trick question, He's dead.


Why does Michael Jackson like Twenty Eight year olds?
Because there's Twenty of them!
Skurai
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Skurai has an imagination enthroned in its own recess, incomprehensible as from darknessSkurai has an imagination enthroned in its own recess, incomprehensible as from darknessSkurai has an imagination enthroned in its own recess, incomprehensible as from darkness
 
 
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