Welcome to today! You know, many people often wonder "Gosh, how do I become popular and win all popularity contests on the Internet?" Well, it turns out you gotta follow a few simple rules! After reading this, you will gain the knowledge needed to get a piece of the popularity pie on the Internet that you so rightfully deserve! If not you're an idiot and deserve to have your gonads cut off. On with the show!
1) Always have more satire and sarcasm than anyone else!
This is the most important rule. If you can't ridicule other people over the Internet, then you might as well commit suppuku because you're worthless. While not the definitive answer to all Internet popularity contests, the person with the most sarcasm and ridiculing power on the Internet is usually the winner. Here's an example:
RANDOM POST: I think running Windows is enough for me.
WRONG REPLY: Yes, while I prefer Linux/Mac, I understand how Windows might suit your usage patterns better.
RIGHT REPLY: Oh wow, so you enjoy giving your money to Bill Gates? I hope you like running every piece of spyware and virus known to man!
Basically, just try to emulate Maddox. Because we all know he's so damn hilarious when he rants about his overpriced golf shoes or whatever.
2) Whenever a physics or science question comes up, is it imperative that you have the right answer!
Face it, the only way you're going to prove how smart you are over the Internet is to show the world how much Einsteinian physics you think you know from watching 1 hour physics specials on the science channel. You see, in the 80's and early 90's, talking about that shit would have gotten your underwear over your head and your face in a trashcan, but boy are those times over! Computers aren't just for nerds anymore, and now they're friendly enough to attract psuedo-intellectuals who think navigating through Windows Explorer is technical enough to grant them the right to discuss other technical/science-related queries. Use this to your advantage and watch dumbed down Einsteinian physics on the science channel all day. This will give you an intelligence edge on the Internet! Example:
RANDOM POST: Can anyone explain how time is affected when travelling close to the speed of light?
WRONG ANSWER: Well, I have read that time slows down the faster you travel, but I would suggest you read wikipedia to learn about all the concepts at work.
RIGHT ANSWER: Well, time and space dilation are a concept proposed by Einstein in the 1970's when he worked at Yale. It basically states that a spaceship going at the speed of light will have time stopped around it which means that it's impossible because the mass would infinite. For example, if you have a pingpong ball bouncing inside the spaceship, it would hover in midair as it reached the speed of light. This has adverse relationships with string theory and M-theory because there are parallel universes and these may interact with the gravity well caused by the acceleration so it is possible for light to bend around the spaceship and create a black hole around the pulsar's energy mass.
3) post ur system specs d00d
Face it, if that E6 stepping A64 Venice isn't overclocking to at least 3.6 ghz, then you might as well just kill yourself because you got inferior RAM. You see, overclocking is a skill, and is not based at all on random sample variance. If you can't overclock that mutha, your system is worthless because it will never compete against anyone else's. So you bought that nice nvidia card and a new one comes out a week later that can overclock 3 mhz more than yours? Kill yourself. So that OCZ RAM came out with a revision G that overclocks to 289 mhz instead of 285? Suicide is the only way out. Always be sure to post your system specs whenever you can, because whoever has the fastest computer is usually the one who gets the most FPS in Counterstrike so that's sorta better. Here's an example:
RANDOM POST: Hey I'm having trouble uninstalling a driver, can anyone help me?
WRONG REPLY: Reboot with F8 and go into Safe mode, then uninstall the driver.
RIGHT REPLY: lol ur such a nub jus put ur XP cd in teh drive and format
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amd aflon 0.7khz @ 2353265546ghz
ocz plumpkin megaram @535466354 fsb mhz .1-.1-.1-.1
abit mobo /w chicken sauce
ocz powertrap
24634346 gbz raptors in raid134
6x geforce 90000 sli oc 2 a million ghz
flat screen panel coz crts r so hevy lloL!
Well, by now you should know how to become super smart and clever Internet person. Good luck!
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