So Fucking Frustrated!!!

So, last August my band needed to find a replacement guitarist. Our original Guitarist, Richie, is a Mormon, and as such had to leave on his mission at the beginning of July. We waited for about a month before trying to find someone to replace him..

Enter Dan Wilbur. Dan is one of the coolest guys I've ever met. He's extremely laid back, very easy to get along with and genuinely one of the most amusing human beings I"ve ever met. It took us a while to get used to his presence in the band, but at this point, if Dan were to suddenly leave the band, we' would all be devastated.

This is where my problem lies.

Dan is 22, married, and has two kids. I've never met his children, but considering how cool their father is, I can only assume that they're just as interesting. I know Dan's wife to a minimal extent, but I know that she is a very nice person. She has always acted very oddly around me, though. She's always been a bit too complimentary towards me. A bit too eager to give me praise, while nearly ignoring everyone else in the band besides her husband.

As awesome as Dan is, there is, however, a problem with his presence in the band. He lives in Salt Lake City, Utah, while the rest of us live in Jackson, Wyoming. That's about five hours of separation. Yet, we do the best we can to make it work.

Dan was just up here this last weekend so the whole band could practice together, which is a fairly rare occurence. Usually, it's just Jeff, Daniel (different guy; he's our bassist), Kyler and myself. Dan's wife came along, if for nothing else, just to get out of the house. While they were here, they obviously needed a place to stay, and considering that I work at a hotel, I got them a room, and pretty cheap at that. They checked in, and didn't expect to see them again before they left. I, however, was wrong.

Dan's wife is an insomniac. This is where my problem began.

I was at the front desk, running reports, when she walked up and started asking me if I knew anything about altitude sickness. She said she felt sick and couldn't sleep. Well, what I expected to be a quick chat about how she could remedy the situation ended up turning into a two-hour discussion that became far too personal far too quickly. She disclosed too many very uncomfortable bits of information to me, the most disconcerting of which were that A) she apparently hates her current position in life (married with children), and B) she considers me to be a huge "inspiration" to her and one of the only genuinely "intriguing" people she knows.

That is a very dangerous combination. This is the crescendo of my problem.

My fucking MORON drummer, Jeff, gave her not only my work number, but my goddamned email address as well. In the last five hours, she has sent me one email, and has called me at least twice. I say "at least" because there were two phone calls where she identified herself. There have been about five others I've recieved during the night that consisted of 20 seconds of silence and then a click. I can only assume it was her.

I've dated enough mentally-screwy girls to know what this probably means, and I don't like it one bit. I refuse to be the emotional or spiritual outlet for a married woman with two children. Especially if she's married to a friend and fellow bandmate.

So, about an hour ago, I told her off. I responded to her email and said that this "behind the scenes communication" that she's trying to initiate with me had to end. Immediately. I am infinitely uncomfortable about the situation, and she has to respect my wishes. I will not be ensnared into this kind of situation.

Hopefully, this is the termination of my problem.

Why does this kind of shit always happen to me!? Why can't a fucking normal girl approach me like this!? Why does the girl always have to be married, suicidal, or just plain psychotic!?

God, I fucking hate this.

Is your guitarist just oblivious to the fact that this was all going on?

Heh, firstly, I'm surprised I read that. Secondly, that is quite the pickle, and honestly, I'm extremely glad to hear you did the right thing (Well, the right thing I would want any of my friends to do at least).

Did she say she was going to tell Dan, or did you tell Dan? If not, are you going to bring this up, or just hope that the termoil will bury itself?

Little side note. It was weird, when reading the first paragraph about Richie going on a Mormon mission, I instantly thought of Utah, and the first city that came to mind was Salt Lake City. Obviously, it was weird because that is where yousaid Dan is from. So my questions are, do Dan and Richie know each other? Is Richie from SLC, Utah as well? Is Dan Mormon too, because as we know, most of Utah is that backward ass religion...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not making fun of Mormons, but they are definitely different, and to me, weird. I dated a chick from out there, but she was the outcast of her family, since she decided not practice Mormonism (Is that the proper numenclature for the religion?).

A hoe is a hoe. Best not to fuck 'em, and if you do, double bag it.

000000mg! FUNAI!

How old is this woman Raz?

Although I can offer no advice, I feel your frustration. Somehow all girls out there that I get involved with are crazy as hell. Damn them.

Holy, sounds like something out of a real cheesy soap-opera. :P Sorry about that, man. How is she taking it?

A hoe is a hoe. Best not to fuck 'em, and if you do, double bag it.

That.... was.... AWESOME!!! Reminded me of the Brett Favre commercials "I'd of double bagged it."

Anyways. That really sucks Raz. I don't know what to say, being young and "immature", but best of luck.

Did the right thing raz, if she continues to talk to you, block her emails. If she persists, maybe you should tell her husband about it...

If nothing works, beat her with a bat.

uuuuuuuummmm no. There are much better ways to get things sorted out the beating people with bats, or any other blunt objects for that matter.

Is your guitarist just oblivious to the fact that this was all going on?

Yeah, pretty much. He knows that she really likes my vocals and lyrics, but I'm pretty positive that he has no idea just how insane she's being about it.

Did she say she was going to tell Dan, or did you tell Dan? If not, are you going to bring this up, or just hope that the termoil will bury itself?

As long as she leaves it alone, I'll leave it alone. I don't want Dan to find out anything about this because he honestly doesn't deserve that kind of treatment from her, and he doesn't deserve to have to deal with it.

Little side note. It was weird, when reading the first paragraph about Richie going on a Mormon mission, I instantly thought of Utah, and the first city that came to mind was Salt Lake City. Obviously, it was weird because that is where yousaid Dan is from. So my questions are, do Dan and Richie know each other? Is Richie from SLC, Utah as well? Is Dan Mormon too, because as we know, most of Utah is that backward ass religion...

Well, the thing is, the greater percentage of this region of the country follows the Mormon faith. Wyoming, Idaho, Utah and parts of Colorado and Montana are all heavily populated by Mo-mos. Considering how many of them there are around here, no, the two of them never knew one another. And yeah, Mormonism is probably the correct term.

How old is this woman Raz?

22. She's a year older than me, yet she's acting like an obsessive, 17-year-old goth chick.

Although I can offer no advice, I feel your frustration. Somehow all girls out there that I get involved with are crazy as hell. Damn them.

See that's the most fucking insane part of this whole situation! I didn't ask for this to fucking happen! I haven't actively sought out a relationship in about two years, and it's because of situations like this that I have strayed from dating anyone for so damned long. However, all of these crazy-ass females keep trying to drag me into their personal cesspool of self-loathing and pseudo-goth depression!! I've tried to stay away from relationships, but now I realize that all I've accomplished is eliminating any possibility of being engaged in a normal one! By taking the course of action I've decided upon, I've effectively limited myself to only becoming involved with crazy chicks!! Arg!!

Holy, sounds like something out of a real cheesy soap-opera. :P Sorry about that, man. How is she taking it?

I haven't heard back from her, and hopefully I won't. I just hope that she respects my wishes and doesn't respond to me at all. The absolute worst thing that could happen in this situation is if she becomes extremely apologetic and tries to weasel her way back in. I just hope to God that she takes it well and does what I've asked of her.

Did the right thing raz, if she continues to talk to you, block her emails. If she persists, maybe you should tell her husband about it...

I intend on doing everything you listed except telling Dan about it. That would only drag him into a situation that he doesn't deserve to be forced into. The only situation where I would do that is if she went absolutely fucking nuts and started threatening me or herself in some fashion.

Thanks for the support, everyone. Hopefully, this is the last you'll ever have to hear about it.

That sucks man. Honestly sounds like something from a soap-opera. I don't know what the hell to do. Married women have never come to me for advice. Personally, I'd just fuck her and get on with it.

All jokes aside, I think you did the right thing. If you wanted to let an angry woman vent her furustrations at you then, I suppose, you could have let her continue with the e-mails and the phone calls, but I doubt you would want to do that. Even if you wanted to, that path looked like a sure-shot way to jeopardize your friendship with Dan. You didn't have much else of a choice.

Married women have never come to me for advice.

I'd fucking hope not, seeing as how you're still 13 or 40.

Well my current girlfriend is pretty sane, but all other women I seem to meet have some kinda hidden mental instability or weird super power.

Meh. I'd tell him. If he doesn't deserve having to deal with it, then does that mean he deserves having to live with it and not know about it until later on? He's going to find out, she'll find another painted dick. And he'll find out. I know I'd rather tell him up-front, right now.

Yeah, I'd actually probably would tell him, since it is kind of a big deal, but there is a tricky ole thin line here, and its boundaries are pretty deceptive... Had it gone farther, maybe he should be entitled to know, but seeing as it didn't go past a few e-mails and calls, I'd say its a judgement call. If you don't foresee this being a problem for them in the future, then fuck it, but if you do...

Yeah, judgement.

Yeah, judgement.

Well Raz, you know the guy better than any of us do...

Normally, I'd go for up-front honesty and be the one to tell him, that way, if she gets vengeful or something, it doesn't come around to bite you in the ass later. If she gets real upset about it, she could twist it around to say you started it. I'd try to avoid that, if possible, as people will usually believe what they want to believe, rather than think logically... Most guys would side with their wife, unless they're a super-skank.

If you think he'd blow up totally at his wife, I don't know what to do then.

It really is a judgement call.

No matter how deep you sink into the ocean of despair, things can always get worse.

But really, I'd say you should tell her husband if she keeps doing that. If he wants to go insane and choose to ignore her for eternity and beyond, that's his problem. By NOT telling him, you just improve the chances of having her cheat on someone else, which will hurt her husband a lot sooner or later. And he WILL find out eventually if that's the case. People make mistakes.

If you don't tell her husband it could cause problems with the relationship between you and him later on.