Poem for Harmony

Actually i flamed you to be honest,Raziel but i am sorry for that. I just had some steam to blow off. To get back on topic i think that poem is kinda nice like i said earlier and u should add on to it Dan.

I don't know who he was flaming.

Sorry my brother flamed you Raziel. I am mad at him too because he brought my thread off-topic. I want some oppinions on my poem.

Well, Dan, I just read through your poem, and I have one suggestion to give you.

Remove her name from the poem entirely.

You see, when you directly address another human being in a literary piece (a poem, a song, etc) then you're doing two fairly negative things in the process.

1) You are excluding everyone that reads this poem from enjoying it. Because you single a specific person out, it makes the subject, emotions and message of the piece exclusive to the peron you're aiming it at. That's always a no-no.

2) You are putting the subject person on the spot. You're divulging their name and intimate aspects of your relationship with them for the public to see, and that's also a no-no.

And in all honesty, I've come to find that usually people prefer not being referenced directly. They enjoy the secrecy of the work, and it honestly feels a lot more meaningful to only have the writer and subject aware of exactly what the song is about. I would remove her name from the title and anywhere else that you placed it in the piece.

Otherwise, good job.

thank you for the advice but I won't be changing the poem at all. If I make another one I will keep in mind what you said.

Not to bad at all

The literature forum doesn't seem to get much activity. I guess people don't like books or poems much here at zelaron.

I've been too busy to write lately. That and the bloody writer's block. Poo.

I've been too busy to write lately. That and the bloody writer's block. Poo.

don't worry you will think of something good to write and I will comment on it.

What??? Your in college, and you like yugioh? Holy cow, I thought only 6th graders liked that game.