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Post i wish
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Posted 2003-12-04, 10:15 PM
i wish i could tell you how i feel
but i don't think you could understand
the pain that runs coarse through my hands

i wish i could tell you how i feel
the loneliness that burns inside
deep in the heart where it resides

i wish i could tell you how i feel
before the hours pass and the days run dry
only then will you see me cry

i wish i could tell you.......
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vec is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-betweenvec is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between
 
 
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Posted 2003-12-04, 10:17 PM in reply to vec's post "i wish"
Oooh...I like that. It's kinda sad.
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Jessifer read his obituary with confusionJessifer read his obituary with confusionJessifer read his obituary with confusionJessifer read his obituary with confusion
 
 
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Posted 2003-12-05, 12:02 AM in reply to vec's post "i wish"
Heh, I'm not actually sure if this was intended in the writing process, but you actually did something kind of interesting there.

You repeat the phrase "I wish I could tell you how I feel" numerous times, and then you don't tell the reader how you feel. Intentional or not, you get points for it.

Last edited by Raziel; 2003-12-05 at 12:05 AM.
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Raziel is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-betweenRaziel is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between
 
 
Raziel
 



 
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Posted 2003-12-05, 12:11 AM in reply to vec's post "i wish"
Repetition is something I use often, actually. Hm.
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Jessifer read his obituary with confusionJessifer read his obituary with confusionJessifer read his obituary with confusionJessifer read his obituary with confusion
 
 
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Posted 2003-12-05, 12:19 AM in reply to vec's post "i wish"
Well, it wasn't so much the repetition issue as it was that he did precisely what he said he was going to do.

Most people would write a poem and use it as the vent for not being able to tell someone about their feelings. Vec did the exact opposite. His song states over and over that he wishes he could tell this person about his feelings, and instead of venting them on the reader, he instead leaves us in the dark, just like the person in his poem. Really pretty cool, if you ask me.

Last edited by Raziel; 2003-12-05 at 12:22 AM.
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Raziel is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-betweenRaziel is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between
 
 
Raziel
 



 
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Posted 2003-12-05, 12:21 AM in reply to vec's post "i wish"
Yes. It was a cool poem, indeed. I enjoyed reading it.
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Jessifer read his obituary with confusionJessifer read his obituary with confusionJessifer read his obituary with confusionJessifer read his obituary with confusion
 
 
Jessifer
 



 
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Posted 2003-12-05, 10:13 PM in reply to vec's post "i wish"
im not an expert on poems, or know anything for that matter, but i thought it was really good. nice vec
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Mydogisyourdog is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-betweenMydogisyourdog is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between
 
 
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Posted 2003-12-06, 11:53 PM in reply to vec's post "i wish"
wow. thx guys. didnn't know it would get such a reaction
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vec is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-betweenvec is neither ape nor machine; has so far settled for the in-between
 
 
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