The history of PENGUIN.... Long post!

Ok im gonna put ALL MY wierd POSTS into ONE =o.... Lets see how this works... Ill reply to each one with a new one...

They are from oldest to newest! and u better have high conn and ummz.... its fun reading when ur high on any drug, or possibly alchohal!

Pokemon, also known as "151 of the gayest creatures (actully i belive the count is like 565543 last time i looked)"

Here we see ACTUAL pokemon with there trainer "ash" having a "Friendly" pillow fight.

Pokemon, in my opinon are evil.. There are many many reasons why but the main reason is the fact that they are evil. In fact, if you play Pokemon episodes backwards you get prayars directly out of the book of satan!

Being Brainwashed after downloading and watching allllll of the pokemon episodes on Kazza

They are doing this to build a huge satanic army to take over the world in which they plan to elimanate one of every animal to show they mean trouble! All of the animals will be put on an arc and sunk in the oceans, and for those animals who can fly and swim, they will be tied up in huge fish nets.

Now there are some things you can do to protect yourself. First avoid people like him . He will try to brainwash you and possibly put you on the poke-arc and sink you.

Another thing.. Which is quite obvious, avoid attending Pokemon Trading Card Game Expos. This is where alot of little satanists get together and trade cards, in fact if you peel away the first layer of the card you will see the message "Monkeys are to be elimated" which shows one of there hatreds... the hate of monkeys.

Now, the fact that pokemon exist.. Yes they do, in fact they own in island off of australia. Its called.... Pokestralia, anyway this is where they breed and mate and write secret books, and perform animal executions.

The mating habits of a pokemon are simple, bang the day away untill the mid of may... In may they tend to write and execute more.

Pokemon also have the power to go into old peoples dreams, pokemon are hormonoly turned on by anyone over the age of 85 and up. In these dreams wierds things happen, making the elder person feeling bad. Forcing them to want to mate with a pokemon, but because they cant find one, they find someone who looks like one.


Also it has come to my attention that liking pokemon increases alcohal and drug use in minors.

.... grr ((caution me not to post more then 1 of these articles a day, my mind tends to lose its focus))

Yes Lobsters... The oceans gift to humans for there gift of pollution to the sea.

Let me start off by saying No, Lobsters arnt fish or crustactians. They are Hard-Shell animals that are in the same category as Crabs. Also there has been an ancient curse on the lobster since ancient times because the lobsters used to invade citys and pinch people, back then there was a lobster who pinched a king of a country so the king cursed the lobster, giving the lobster 2 pinchers instead of 12, which it had many years ago...

Now we must now give you a short quiz on lobsters to see how you measure u with your Lobster Knowledge.


1. Lobsters have ____ pinchers

1) 2
2) 12
3) cheesy
4) A lobster has more pinchers then I do


2. If I had a lobster i would name it

1) Lobster
2) Mr.Pinchy
3) Id name it after my mother of course
4) FuXXor


3. When cooking lobsters i tend to kill it by

1) throwing it in a Boiling pot of hot water, killing it instantly
2) throwing it in cold water and gradully heating it up so i can
laugh at it
3) Step on it and lick my shoe
4) Force it to eat another lobster, making it fatter and then freeze
it


4. If you caught a lobster in your bath tub you would..

1) Panic and run out of the house nakid screaming a lobster has
crawled up my drain, putting everyone into panic.
2) Pet him and pull his long..... antenna(s)!
3) Use him as a SPONGE
4) OooOoH *blushes*


5. Your mother calls you to the kitchen and you find her being
attacked by an angry horde of angry lobsters that escaped
from the fridge when she opened it to get some more SPAM
(Her 12th serving in that 30 minute period). What do you do?

1) Let them duel it out, the fat girl needs to lose some weight
somehow
2) Run out the door screaming and go live with a relative till the
heats off
3) Push the fat girl over, forcing her to crush the horde
4) Laugh at the incident and go watch old Johnny Carson re-
runs



Now, this test is pretty tough... There are no right or wrong answers! IT all depends on how much of a pansy/bitch/etc you are...


What did YOU score!
I scored... (( 4, 1, 4, 1, 4 )))

There once was a boy names smile. He live with his parents, Bob and Mam. Now Smile was no ordinary boy, he had a huge smile! They called him smile, not because he HAD a smile but because he LIKED to smile...

One day when smile came down to breakfast he found his mother mam making some carrots on the stove. Smile asked his mother
"Hey bitch why you be makin them carrots"
Oh Oh Oh does Smile get cranky when hes hungry! Mam, has always had a fear of smile because of his VICOUSness toward her due to the fact she wasent his real mother, she happend to be half rabbit...

Mam, Forgetting that Smile wasent a rabbit threw the carrots away. She then turned around and headed toward her room. But smile pulled her by the tail and told her
"Hey you bitch if i dont have dinner in an hour ill rip that fluffy white tail off your body"

Smile was happy! he was going to eat in an hour! So smile headed to the forest to play with the wierd freaky animals in the Forest!

First smile came acros Mr.Bear! He was HUGE! And ... I mean huge, not huge as in Muscular but huge as in this bear has had too much fucking food! Now smile sees this and gets jealous of the bear, who is fat, meaning he eats, and he is mad cause he dosent have food

So what does smile do! He SMILES! HE SMILES AND SMILES AND SMILES Untill the bear says
"Whatcha bee smiling bout fucking bitch? You eat somthin good? Take me to it or ill eat your bitch ass"

Smile Just continued to smile, and then mr.bear RUSHED him like a bull! Smile silently picked up a Sharp pole that just happend to be right under his feet and stuck it out, impaling mr.bear onto it.

He took mr.bear home laughing and smiling. He met his father in the front yard and bob said
"Wht joo be doin wit dat der bearorz?"
Smile said "I gotz dinner fucker you sit there and fucking clean the yard"
"A bear?! Joo 1337!"

Smile kicked dirt in his face and walked inside with the bear! when Mam saw he was getting blood on the floor she tried to scold him
"Now smile! you know that what yo..."

SMACK!
Smile slapped her across her face!

"HEy bitch your not my mom, cook this here bear so i can eat !"

Mam hapily complied and they lived happily ever after

This article was inspired by what happend to me today. Well, I was feeling rather EXPECTONAL today and I had a craving for some cheese danishes from the closet cornor store.


I started WALKING , yeah walking, its pretty close. When i got there, who do i see? 3 men stuffing a bag full of MY CHEESE DANISHES. Me, having the poor sight that i do, moved in closer only to see it wasent 3 men but 1 man, and that wasent an odanary bag, it was a garbage bag!

I was pretty upset at this so i proceeded to throw random things at him ((Gum, Candy, Lotter tickets, the little lotto pencil they give you to make out those do yourself tickets)). Anyway, I now learned fat people anger quickly when there food is in danger... He kinda looked like her But a man, and he wasent wearing a bikini obviously...

ANYWAY, thats what happend to me today and im angry. I really think fat people should lose some weight because they are a danger to themselves and others , and they eat ALOT more food then NORMAL people.

I thought of an idea tho for us skinny people to get back at them huge people. EVERYONE gets in on this huge plan to sneak into ALL fat peoples food. This way everytime they eat, they are losing weight! Now if we can get the politicans in this, we can make it a requirment that all fat people take a fat pill at least once a day or 1 pill for every pound you are over 300, soo people weight 500 would take 200 pills a day!

Now then we get into LIPSUCTION.. err this is very nasty, BUT! Ive got another idea, We suck all the fat outta the fat people and feed it to the really skinny people, this way everyone will become normal. Now some of you are saying "EWWW why eat FAT" Well well! ill tell you, because its fatning... Now if your normal weight.. 100-200 , then you need not worry but if your under 100 then you better be prepared to suck that fat down!

Now to help you understand what a fat face looks like i will make these very complex asciiiiiscidsfi drawings

( 0 0 )
( * ) Fat
( ------ )

(0 0)
( * ) Skinny
( -- )

( 0 0 )
( * ) Normal
( ----- )


ALl of you fit into One of these categorys...

Also i belive that fat people should only be able to eat fat mice

Because fat mice and fat people are alike, therefore they should eat eachother

Music, Should only be listend by NORMAL people, Fat people will only be able to listen to fat music

And in the music they talk about weight loss, it is a requirment for any fat music

Also, like i said before, fat people get angered easily over food. If you try to take there food! OH THATS A MISTAKE! they may Bite, Eat, Murder, Slay, etc to you...

The best advice i can give you is to carry a tbone steak in your pocket at all times, and if you are attacked throw it... They WILL run for it

Now you may be asking "Im deaf how can i insult or call someone fat" Well simple just use this


I will end in this, We should not Shun fat people, because we are there only hope, some call them animals, i call them fat humans, either way they are still fat. Should we cage them all and feed them like hamsters and force them to run in a wheel like a hamster and then build a tunnel of tubes and have Fat Mazes and race them in big places...... Of course.. Not, that would be wrong! yes wrong, We should rather make them diet and help them on the rode to succsess! NORMALNESS!...

Do you know what an Aglet is? I doubt it.... Well guess? Nope.... Nope.... HEll no what the heck were you thinking? duck feet... stupid

Anyway an Aglet is one of the most usefull things in the world, why? WHY? why must you ask why? they are the things on your shoelaces... you know the plastic things. I ussaly bite mine off when i buy my shoes... habit of mine.

Aglets are made of plastic and animal blubber, yes blubber. The plastic makes it strong, the blubber makes it tasty, that might be why i bite mine off.

Now do you like shoes? do you wear shoes.. I bet you do, But if you want some good shoes you need


Blueberry shoes are very tasty but very rare, only 20 pairs exist on this earth! They are made from bluebarrys and animal blubber. Which brings me to my next point, the companys are using more and more animal blubber because of the lack of leather...

Now, there are also "Hobo-shoes" which dont have Aglets, and they ussaly have Thorns in them, God musta put the thorns in the shoes to punish poor people for standing on street corners with mispelled signs asking for some of MY MONEY!


Now, i know what your thinking.... Why cant i live IN A SHOE... YES IN A SHOE! YOU HEARD ME! in a SHOE...

If you wish to live in a shoe you must first buy one or possibly make one, but to make one you must steal a giants shoe and from the looks of this shoe you either have to jack a dike giant or a very nasty male giant.


Pandas often carry shoes, here is Mr.panda hes a shoemaker

I also drew a picture of mr.panda to help you better identify him


Now do you see? DO YOU? Yes Aglets are IMPORTANT, without them, could mean extinction for the pandas and giants.... Now in that note id also like to point out that fat people have fat feet, have you ever seen a fat lady try to jam her foot into a shoe half her size at a store because she dosent want to look fat and then the shoe breaks cause its to small and her fat pours outta it? yeah...

I got a Giraffe he is tall. I named my tall Giraffe after a monkey because if a monkey ever rode a Giraffe then that would mean that monkeys ride Giraffes!

Monkey looks like that.

When i got monkey from africa he was very tall, now he is taller, i think my monkey grows taller everyday. He has alot of friends, but no monkey friends, so i had to force him to meet a monkey because his name is monkey and he dosent know what he is named after.

But it was 2 in the morning and the zoo was LOCKED , ussly i can open the gate and pick up a monkey and toss him over the cage like a rock. also cause the zookeeper men kick me out due to the fact that everytime they yell at me, i tend to bite them...

Anyway so i found a kid and dressed him like a monkey and promised the kid he could see my monkey. Well when i showed him my Giraffe, he thought he was going to see a monkey! I WAS mad because he insulted my giraffe so i tol my giraffe to attack the monkey.

Here is a pic of my giraffe attacking the boy


They fought all the night till the boy scream and the giraffe bit the boy in the ear and the boy screamed because the giraffe bit him in the ear in the night. The boy ran aroun house all crazy and i open door and he run out. I laughed. Monkey laughed. We laughed together and shared a cheese danish


The morale of this story is that if you buy/smuggle/take/find a Giraffe and you name it Monkey, which most people do, then you must actully show him a real monkey, if you dress up a kid, the kid will poke at the Giraffe with his sticky fingers full of candy melted and hurt its neck cause its tall! So rember, kids and Giraffes dont mix, monkeys and Giraffes mix if the monkey gets to ride it!

Penguins trip to australia!

Umm Before i begin id like to direct your attention to this australian magazine...

Now if you ZOOM in on the white lady, she is ACTULLY a vampire... I dont know how or why she is hugging that native person but im guessing she is thirsty...


Anyway back on topic, I recently visited a country, if you can guess which one you get a cracker!
here a hint


WRONG! its not russia but that was a good guess , Any penguin would of known that is australia! Now recently, penguin visited here with his friend monkey ((If you dont know, monkey is a giraffe (long story) )). Penguin was riding on top of monkey because a child had got sticky icky chewy candy in monkeys neck and monkey paniced and penguin *being smart* jumped on mr.giraffe and started pulling out the candy, only to get his plump fins stuck in the giraffes neck..


Anyway, they are now in austraila, somhow penguin flew over the ocean while his flippers were stuck to monkeys neck.

This is penguin before he started flying the ocean This is penguin WHILE flying . (He tends to wear pink shorts when he flys, i dont know why, i guess its a new habit of his. And this is penguin AFTER the long flight

On a side not, THIS IS NOT A PENGUIN NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU BELIVE! SHE WILL TRICK YOU AND TRY TO SEDUCE YOU AND! shes a succubus

When monkey got there he was like
: Penguin! Please try to get the candy off my neck!
IM TRYING! it HURTS MY FLIPPERS!
: Please hurry! IT HURTS
IM TRYINNNGGG! *PECKS MONKEY ON HEAD*

They then got in a LONG FIGHT! and it ended up with penguin hiding in a gopher hole and monkeys sticky neck stuck to a gopher who somehow got on his neck.

Penguin flew OUT of the hole ALL THE WAY HOME! and left monkey to play with his new friend mr.gopher!


And that was the story of penguin and monkeys trip to AUSTRALIA!

"Sweaters for Penguins sounds like a joke, but believe it or not, people around the world are knitting wardrobes for our feathered friends. Why? When they are affected in oil spills, the oil clogs their feathers so they can't keep out cold. Then penguins get very cold. Also, the penguins try to preen themselves and are poisoned by the oil. You're probably thinking, So why are you telling me this? but if you want to show your love for penguins, help out. Below is an address to send comleted sweaters or money donations if you feel that your help is necessary."

Nasty Oil Spill Victim

Sweaters to protect them

very cool idea

:]

Its the animal circus full of animals! so take a chair! and sit on it! and begin because this is THE animal circus..


NO NOT THAT CIRCUS TUBBY. WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS THINK OF FOOD.


Here is our host Mr.Penguin. He hosts the show with the animals!

*Mr.Penguin waddles up to the middle*

This circus has been brought to you by

A.T Wilsons and Sons milk, Selling that fresh warm right outta the otter milk since 1911!

NOW LETS BRING OUT OUR FIRST animal!


Say hello to MR.PIE! he grew up in poverty when he was 10 and was force to cook pies for his cruel transexual mother...
*Penguin eats pie and sends mr.pie back into his cage*

.....
NEXT on the list is mr.BEAR he is also the giftshop worker who sells quality items like brass monkeys! Made of real brass from africa not china like most brass monkeys


Now... we need to take a moment to talk about bears. Cute and cuddly they may be but fuck with them and you shall see. That is an ANCIENT quote taken from an actual bear back way when bears could talk and the greeks were still homos...
Now Mr.Bear make look cuddly but hes already torn up over 100 cheatlist newbies. Now any animal could tear up some cheatlist newbies, for example a cat may be able to kill 5 cheatlist newbies but mr.bear has gotten 100!

Here is Mr.Bear posing as a coca cola bear just so he could "get his feel on"



No comment... wait yes there is... Crazy Canadians...

When Mr.Bear isent gettin his feel on girls, Hes pimpin um at his corner makin lots of money for lots of fish


Now boys and girls what did we learn by coming here to the Animal circus today? Thats right kiddies! ALWAYS keep covers over your trash! if not, hang trash in your tree with long ropes



Well so long kids! untill next time! Say goodbye Mr.Bear


Remember! Only YOU can prevent Forest Fires! And oil spills for them polar bears...

I just finished watching card captors and oh what fun it was. That girl rides that monkey cool and has good monkey staff. Well i thought cool, i see this in real life, so i go find girl somewhere and pay her to dress like sshmore..saporka whatever the name was.

den after i look at her i see this was not a good idea and sigh so i call my pet giraffe, who is one of the penguins friends and then it poked her with its neck poker thats on its body, the giraffe dosent like me poking his neck hard or putting my ciggarets out on it but i just laugh and poke at him more.

Here is what my giraffe would look like pillowized!

He dosent like it when i poke his pillow and point at him and laugh cause he thinks the pillow is also a part of him that fell off so hes sad!

Yes i know how come i diddnt call penguin to attack, im sorry but penguin was busy. He got a job at kmart to play trumpet to elderly

I hope penguin turns out job ok cause he needs job to pay for his addictive fish habit. You no belive me eh? well i know, penguins love fish , your like HAHAH i knew that your dumb for thinking me dumb. WELL WELL! he dosent have a FISH problem, he has a problem collect FISH watches for his collection he wears on flipper and beak and flipper and feat, also... on his flippers!


As mr.giraffe chase ugly monkey paw staff lady out of house i poke giraffe and den he lets out scream of PAIN and anger like moose in trouble when lasy saves mr.man from fire to put in barn? rember that episode? i grew up with lazy and i rode him daily to pick pickle-berrys for pie for penguins.
Lasy stared in movies about some dog he always liked dogs thats why we called him lazy cause he was lazy when it came to not admiting he diddnt like dogs! EH EH! get it! lazy not like... no? fine

Anyway heres secret no film man tell you, lassie is really 300 year old martian puppy from planet sun, yes planet sun, they like the sun is relly martian planet with big fire shield so we no suspect anythin! thats why the spaceships never got burned when thye go close! HUH HUH HUH HUH!!!!! Thats wear hitler and elvis are when the dog abudtions happen. Thats a picture if da sun was in la driving a car but giraffe dosent like suns cause they try to copy his colors? you know? the yellow color, the one that looks kind alike giraffe. i always say no giraffe cause he ussly really dirty and hes more of a light-poopy brown? you know but he bites me anyway...

i gotta go now cause giraffe wants me to wash him and put bandaid on his neck but after that i laugh cause i pull them off and he screams more and i do it alot over over again i buy 1000 bandaids a day.

flippers are cool, first off, mr.giraffe is recovering from a severe blow to the neck caused by a massively huge straw from the ground. Penguin argued that giraffe had too many spots, "SPOTS! I HAVE NO SPOTS" saiid giraffe but then penguin called clifford the big red animal
GTIRAFE U GOT SPOTS ALL OVER YOUR BOODY! I say! im CLIFFORD I LIKE BOOK FAIRS! LETS HAVE A FAIR RIGHT NOW
YOU LIE! I HGOTS SPORTS NO! AHHH DONT BITE ME MR CLIFF
ILL SAVE U GIRAFFE! JUMP ON MY FLIPPER AND CLAP YOUR HOOFS LIKE A MAGIC CARPET AND WE WILL FLY TO SAFETY
OK BUt DONT poke me! MY TAIL HURTS IT WAS BURNED IN A FIRE IN THE JUNGLE WHEN I ATTACKED A HUNTER! i called MOOSE MAN TO SAVE ME! MOOSE MAN!
SORRY IM NOT HERE! CALL ME LATER ON CELL MOOSE PHONE

Then EVIL clifford lunged at them with the HORRIBLY BOOK FAIR! AND HE STARTED THROWING RANDOM BOOKS



BUT ANGRY PENGUIN FLIPPED HIM WITH HIS FLIPPER! Clifford say "OW FLIPPER SLAY TAIL! HURT ME BAD EYE!" AND THEN! Mr.Girrafe flew to mexico to buy some salsa dip to put on cliffords eyes to make them BURN! HOT LIKE FIRE CHILE FROM MEXICO!

BUT NO!!! HE DIDDNT FIND ANY SALSA ALL HE FOUND WAS
THIs Crazy tribal girl named Shamooka and This sour cow for milk!


SO PENGUIN CONTINUED to beat clifford with his flipper as shamooka beat him with her hat as sour cow cow made clifford drink sour milk!

BUT THEN A LITTLE KID NAMED BOBOLY came with is pet TURKEY cause he was looking for his pet horse who was somehow his father! he gave us this poster to hang on giraffes head so everyone could look for it torgher!


BUT PENGUIN SAY NOOOOoo! YOU CANT! YOUR INDIAN! i MUST EAT TURKEY NOw. Boboly got mad and shot arrow into sky and did a rain dance "YOU DIE PENGUIN MIGHTY WATER HURT BIRDS CAUSE THEERE FEDERS!" Noo Said penguin! ITS A TRICK then clifford flew to the moon cause he got sick, SO PENGUIN SLAPPED INDIAN BOY WITH FLIPPER! AND TOOK THE TURKEY TO A FARM AND HE MADE A TURKEY FARM! AND GOT RICH! AND ITS HIS new LIFE

HE ALSO RAISED CHICKEN TOO!1!11

OMG... FINNALY DONE READING THIS!!!
nice to read you history... =)

*licks post*
stickyzor

ill unsticky it so dont get mad peoples =(

This is hilarous :istone: but I always thought there was more

god damit pengun your the shit bro

hay do you like linux or just like pengun's

Originally posted by JohnnyTAE This is hilarous :istone: but I always thought there was more

There were about 3 or 4 more on OLD zelaron forums, these are just the posts that are from here that i could get too

"Old" Zelaron forums..?

heh those are good. but what "old" zelaron forums?