Feeling like a fuck up

I feel like I've fucked up a good relationship. It may be because I couldn't leave a subject alone, because I wanted to be a bit selfish and keep him to myself (not like obsessive, but I'll elaborate later), or perhaps because I just wanted to fuck it up...though the last would make no sense.

John and I have had a lot of things come up and we worked through them. But now I want to know who does he want to be with more: me or an old flame of his. He wants both. I gave up and finally told him to do a three-way relationship. Now he doesn't want that because he thinks it ruins my life. I know it doesn't, it's just different for me.

Next thing brought up: he wanted an open relationship. After much asking about it, I finally gave in. I decided that if someone gave up a marriage for me, I can afford to give up something like this. But that doesn't mean I don't feel weird about it. I can't do much. But I complained in a silent way.

He's feeling unsure, angry, and hurt...the same as me. I don't know what to do at all. I don't want to lose him and he doesn't want to lose me. Any suggestions, cheerful phrases...optimism?