I wanna have a beard when I grow up.

Beards are more trouble than they're worth - it's easier to stay clean shaven, and you'll look better (I've had a face that's smooth as a baby's arse for nearly three months).

Beards need trimming, you see, else you'll just look a fool, and when it comes to shaving it all off you'll have a 'mare of a time - shaving stubble is simple; hacking off a tightly knotted mass of hair is not.

Having said that, goferit! Every man needs a beard phase.