Well... I feel shitty.

My girlfriend(Jacqui) and I just broke up about 30 minutes ago. This is the first girl that I have ever loved. I thought I was going to marry her one day; she felt the same way about me. We loved each other. I would take a bullet for her. I still love her a tremendous amount.

I guess we are just taking a break, seeing as how we will probably get together again. She is too religious for me. She talks about God 24/7; she pushes me towards Him all the time. I know I'm a Christian and I'm going to Heaven. That's not good enough for her. She wants me to be in love with him like she is. I just can't do that. I'm not that kind of person.

I can't be a teenager if I date her. I can't smoke pot, drink alcohol, mess around with girls/her, get in trouble or anything like that because it would hurt her. She's told me herself on numerous occasions that the only person she loves more than me is God. I can deal with that. But, the constant reminding and nagging she does is a little bit too much sometimes. I guess she expects me to act like an adult when I'm only 17.

I have been her boyfriend for 10 months and 8 days. Well, that ended today. Hopefully not for long because I love her to death. We've talked about marriage before and I know if I had stayed with her we would have married later in life. I don't know if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life or not. All I know is, I feel like total shit. Motherfuck, I already miss her.

I'm sorry you all had to read this - it's probably just a bunch of ramblings thrown together, but I've already talked about it with my friends. I just needed to vent. I've never cried so much in my life. Call me a pussy or whatever, but I am in so much pain. I just wanna make her happy.

Lonely as fuck right now,
Thanatos.