Connection madness

Once again, my cable provider DIED, plain and simple, so I'm stuck with my god-forsaken 28.8 modem, which has in fact been struck by lightning not only once but TWICE. Did I mention I have the luck to pay a minute fee for being online, just like in a regular phonecall? Or even that it blocks my phoneline constantly? On top of that, it gives me post-traumatic stress and horrible flashbacks from the archaic medieval ages where swords struck steel armours in battle, and files were downloaded at 2 kb/s. Must... Seek... The responsible man at my ISP... Search and destoy... *laughs evilly as his eyes turn murderously bright red*