Of all my Friends

This is only my second valiant attempt at writing a book. This one is in first person and centered around my and my friends. I changed thier and my names, of course, and thier actions are used in a purely ficticious matter. It is a rough draft and isn't completely organized to the greatest advantage. Some parts aren't completely detailed but it is perfectly understandable. The version I'm posting now is only the first chapter and a half, but the final will cover most true events about my life.

There are two versions.

(Warning: This version of the story contains strong language and some slight adult situations and is not advise for readers under the age of 16[which is awkward due to the fact that it is written by a 15 year old]. The final version might change for better or worse.)

It's a very good attempt...in fact why would we call it an attempt? An attempt implies that it's failed to some degree.

One thing though, on page 4...3 even, how did the wood get into the leg?? Also the sentence before that reads: "The driveway leads" where it ends abruptly.

For some reason you have chapter 2 leading directly on from 1 ending with: ' “Make sure you head straight here after school. I don’t think I can stay up too late tonight.” I say walking to the kitchen. ' and then chapter 2 again on the next page, but a longer version.

I have to say that for me it gives an insight into life as an American...if you get what I mean.

Btw, I've noticed that you seem to have soemthing about the name Jason...

Btw, I've noticed that you seem to have soemthing about the name Jason...

What are you saying Lenny?

The reason I named the main character in our game Jason is because of this story. I thought, "Hey, why not give the main character a modern, Amerikan name. People will be able to relate to the character better."

And also, a friend of the family named Jason was killed in a car crash few years back.

And thanks for the compliments. It makes me feel better.

PS:

What you can look forward to in the next release is the resolution of the "Eadi Crisis" (which is pronounced eee-dee) and an introduction to some new characters as well as more situations and dialouge from the old ones.

One situation(I'll describe it as me. ) I went to the beach with my family and it was the most fun I've had with them in forever. My two cousins Ashley and Danon and I got along very well and had a blast. I'll try to stick to the real story as much as possible.

Edit: Wood chunk in leg: Jason tripped over a stump remember? Or did I erase that... hmm?

I'll also fix the other part.

I like.
Heres my suggestions:
"I pull out my wallet and retrieve a dollar. I put the money in and get a Dr. Pepper when someone pulls on my sleeve"
I think this could be simplified alot. We all know how vending machines work. Just say he got a Dr. Pepper.
"I saw a long driveway with tire-marks made by the car when entered the area, wherever it was.
The driveway leads
I look down at my leg and realize that I have a chunk of wood stuck into my shin. I reach down and rip it out."
The driveway leads where?

"That is the true nature of the human being, not hate, war, nor the character flaws of our bodies or the loneliness of our minds, but the love inside a persons’ soul. The embrace of a loving person."
That is good writing my friend. If only it were true.

"Life may make me question my faith, my belief in God. But the love that one person can express, relinquishes my doubt and renews my thoughts. And with this deep thought, basking in the joy of my epiphany, I turn to go to bed."
Your english teacher will tell you, you can't start a sentance w/ But, and And. Take out the And, just make it, With this deep thought.

"You took the long way when the cabin was fifteen feet from the car. If you had looked more clearly you would have realized that when Lisia and Kelly went for a walk this evening, they came to check on you and to wake you up. Those footsteps you followed were theirs when they went for a walk.”
You never said anything about this...

"This is my first day of spring break and I am stuck alone at the beach with two girls. Two hot girls to be precise. Two girls that actually want me around. Hmm… This might not be so bad after all. I better stop complaining. But still, I’m sleepy."
This realization needs to come ALOT sooner. Any male would.

I only ready 1/4 of it right now... I'm finish it up later when I'm high.

I really enjoy people telling me they like my stuff, and corrections are welcome. The obvious stuff is first on my list and the small stuff is after I finish the complete chapters.

One thing: I did write about the part where the driveway leads. That is where "Jason" trips and injures himself. "The driveway leads..." Just an error in writing. I took out a selection that sucked and forgot to fix it.

Please, more corrections and comments.

I should have the end of chapter 2 and the start of chapter 3 up friday...

If there is any corrections please, tell me and I will fix it.

Keep it coming Wed.

Which Friday btw?? There's lots of Fridays...next Friday? Last Friday? Firday after Friday??

I look forward to it.

Firday

It was supposed to be the 29th, but I got sidetracked by family.

I'm almost into chapter 3 and my perverted meter went up.

EDIT: Kaneda, I would like to know what you think of the rest of it.