By chance I happened upon this small chamber whilst searching about for a glorious trinket known only as the Pax Zelaronia. In the chamber sat Richard Simmons, in a very tight leotard and eating a bowl of Cheerios. His lips were curled into a very distinct grin, his aging hair waving back and forth like a pendulum. Upon entering, he raised his leg and adjusted to cross his legs as a lady would, but hesitating when giving my eyes the very tight outline of his groin. He then placed his chin upon his hand and leaned forward with a laugh.

“What brings you here my lost little man?” he screeched in his typical effeminate voice.

Paralyzed by fear, I began to think of a good reason to have ended up in the devil’s layer. I felt myself begin to panic even, as if the bastard could see into my heart and soul.

“I…come for the Pax Zelaronia, to bring it back again and establish a new golden age for Zelaron.” I screamed.

His ghastly pupils dilated as the very trinket I’ve been seeking was mentioned. The veins in his jaundiced eyes swelled to near-bursting, his bones nearly creaking as he swiftly sat himself upright.

“THAT…THAT THING…it’s…IT’S MINE!” he cried.

“Why do you even have it? What’s the fucking point?!?” I replied.

“Because…I need it.” he hissed.

“But…why?”

“Because, my tater tot…some men want to watch the world burn calories.” he smirked, standing erect with his chest boastful.

I bared my teeth upon my bottom lip, staring at him with permeating fear. My muscles clenched and tightened as I paced forward, eyes locked with his. I quickly assumed a defensive position, awaiting whatever may come. But then something strange began to happen. I heard the cry of an awful beast. This beast had the appearance of a homosexual boy, but he was really the dark, 7 headed beast from the Biblical book of “Revelations”. He rode in, foul and corrupt things coming out of his mouth. I wanted to stop him as much as I wanted to get the Pax Zelaronia from Richard Simmons and his oddly finely shaped ass. I turned my attention and then that’s when the beast spoke.

“This isn’t real.”

I awoke in a forest, the beast sitting next to me, furiously masturbating to bizarre things. He turned and smiled at me, whispering “The end.”