Warning: This is going to be a long read, so all you lazy mother fuckers who don't want to read it all, I have added a TL;DR section at the bottom.
I think I have discovered why my life has gone absolutely nowhere after getting out of high school.
While I was in HS, I thought that this was it, there was nothing after, all of my friends and everyone would always live in my hometown, we'd get old together and I couldn't comprehend what exactly happened after high school, so I couldn't think past it. This mentality wasn't out of stupidity, but rather ignorance.
It's been two years since I've graduated, and I've done nothing with my life. Sure, I've held a full time job; I went to a community college for a couple classes but nothing serious. I'm still stuck in my "High School mindset" and I'm sick of it. I want.. no NEED to grow the fuck up. I see alot (I like spelling alot better then allot, I don't know why) of my high school friends having a blast up at college and shit, and I'm jealous. I'm disappointed in myself. While in high school all I did was get fucked up everyday and didn't care what so ever, but I had no idea how bad it was going to fuck up the rest of my life.
I'm not a stupid person; I'm very intelligent honestly. Many people have called me a genius, I don't think I agree with them, but I obviously have the potential to do something great with my life.
I am currently a waste of intelligence, I can tell you how to get the most high off of this drug, how much you should take for the first time on this drug, even tell you what two (or three) drugs to mix to get the best high. I know more about pharmaceutical drugs then most Doctors/Psychiatrists/Pharmacists. People call me up when they find a random pill and ask me to identify it for them.
I am also very skilled with computers. I can build one from scrap, over-clock RAM and Processors, I can almost always fix whatever computer problem there might be, I am a very skilled hacker and can manipulate packets to confuse servers.
This may all sound like I'm "bragging" about what I can do, but I'm simply trying to get the point across that I'm wasting my fucking intelligence on stupid, pointless shit! (Besides the computers of course, that's why I have my current job)
The main problem I have is that I am constantly depressed… So depressed that I don't care about myself at all, I've attempted suicide on numerous occasions, and am completely apathetic. I don't know how to get out of this apathetic stage but I need to find out ASAP, because it is harming my future. Instead of taking one step forward at a time, I seem to be constantly going backwards, just from a lack of care.
SO! For the first time in my life, I have made a list of 10 goals. I think my life has been heading nowhere because I am not working toward anything except the next high or the next bitch to fuck, etc.
So here it goes, critique me if you will (constructive criticism is always welcomed) but here's what I have come up with:
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1. Get A+ Certified
2. Get Network Security Certified
3. GO BACK TO SCHOOL! (Not sure what for yet though)
4. Find something to motivate me (Besides drugs)
5. Work hard in this second job I just got, this could open huge doors. (I'm sorry I would fill you in with the job details, but it's confidential and I could get into alot of trouble talking about it)
6. Save money for college
7. Pay bills on time until they are completely paid off. (I'm about 7k in debt to hospitals and psychiatric hospitals)
8. Cut down on the drug/alcohol use, or atleast moderate it.
9. Work at my current job until August so that I have 2 years of Networking/computer tech support to go on a resume.
10. Within the near future, stop grieving over the ex-girlfriend. It does not fix the problem, only makes it worse when you dwell on the past.
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**TL;DR** My life is going nowhere, I think I figured out why, and I have now set up 10 goals for me to accomplish. ( See above ) **
What are you’re guys’ opinions? What do you feel about the subject? Most of you have ‘known’ me for several years and know how ridiculously stupid I can get, but do you think these goals will get me on the right track? Do you think they will finally head my life in a positive direction? Are they even the right goals to have right now?
Any opinions will be greatly appreciated, sorry about the novel I just wrote; I just had to get it all out.
