Growing up, I'm sure most of you have had some sort of Chef Boyardee entree. I mean, it's hard to resist beefaronni, macaronni, ravioli, Grav-aronni and lots of other types of pastas that end in 'i'. However, did you know that you might be eating them improperly!? GASP! Well, you probably didn't, you idiot. You're so dumb that you should be eating larvae out of your ass with a spoon made out of greasy afro hairs. Should. However, I'm a reasonable man, and as a reasonable man, I think that you deserve a second chance. While this second chance should come preferably after a 2 by 4 is smashed into your skull my a gone-haywire turbine engine and through reincarnation, we all know that reincarnation was invented by dark-skinned natives. And we all know how stupid natives are (teehee, trading half of the USA for a few beads...hahahahahaha). So, without further ado, on with the guide:

A) Always heat your Chef Boyardee until the sauce bubbles.

While some of you may be wondering "Hmm, but mantralord, I just came out of the D2 forum. I may not know much more than to say 'lo lo lo pkpk useast legitestst ebay h4x!!!' but I do know that bubbling something doesn't necessarily change something." And you'd be right, for once. However, somehow Chef Boyardee, which is an ex-Nazi Pizza Zombie SS researcher, has put just the right amount of love (chemicals) in order to make the sauce taste better after a bit of bubbling. Try it, you'll be surprised at how a creamy goo can turn into a rich creamy goo in just 1:30 sec in the microwave. Or on the stove, if you're a backwards native. Teehee, beads...

B) Always use a spoon.

Yes, I know some of you suicidal white goths out there just love to keep a fork around just in case you need a quick dab at your wrist in order to ease the pain of the "tragic life" of living with parents who make $80,000 a year each, but a fork is not the tool to use here. You see, if you follow the step above, the sauce becomes too creamy for a toothed instrument, such as a fork or that skull you found while sniffing mom's panties. A spoon is necessary to slurp up all that rich goodness. Really, if you couldn't figure out that you had to use a spoon after Step A, please confine yourself in a small coffin, preferably inside a bigger coffin. With nails.

Anyway, that's the guide. I hope you'll all be eating Chef Boyardee the right way from now on.