I'll try to make them short and sweet from now on:

Scary Movie:

Deputy Doofy: Mom said that when I wear this badge you're supposed to treat me like a man of the law.
Buffy Gilmore: Yeah, and Mom also told you not to stick your dick in the vacuum cleaner!

Deputy Doofy: Special Officer Doofy reporting!
Terry: Hey, Doofy! Smell my fingers!
Deputy Doofy: What's that?
Terry: That's what you do when you become a man, Doofy.
Deputy Doofy: Hey, Terry! Smell my fingers!
Terry: What the hell is that?
Deputy Doofy: My ass!

Greg: I'll grab one arm.
Bobby: I'll grab the other arm.
Ray: I'll grab his ass.

Cindy Campbell: Greg, you're not the only one who got one.
Greg: What do you mean, Bobby's got a baby-dick too?
Cindy Campbell: No, the note.

Scary Movie 2:

Father McFeely: How is she?
Mrs. Voorhees: It's gotten worse Father. She won't eat. She won't talk to me. The child won't let me touch her.
Father McFeely: Yes, sometimes you have to give them candy, first.

Shorty Meeks: Hey! Wuz up, little guy? Polly wanna cracker?
Little Bird: No, Polly wants yo momma's sweet ass!

Priest: [On the toilet] Lord, help me to release this demon!
[farts]

Alex: Why won't you talk to me?
Hell House Ghost: Because you gave me crabs!

Brenda Meeks: Cindy, this is just some bones. Would you run from Calista Flockhart?

Scary Movie 3:

George: Now everybody in the 202, throw your hands in the air 'cause Fat Joe is through / Now everybody in the 202, throw 'em up! Check it out / I'm a white boy, but my neck is red / I put Miracle Whip on my Wonder Bread / My face is pale, nah, I've never been in jail / Me and Buffy spend every winter at Vail / How many bitches have I slapped? Zero. Unh! / And Martha Stewart happens to be my hero / I grew up on a farm and I was born with no rhythm / Dr. Phil's my uncle and I like to hang with him / I can't dance / I wear khaki pants / My middle name's Lance / My Grandma's from France / So maybe I'm wack / 'Cause my skin ain't black / But you can't talk smack / 'Cause whitey just struck back

President Harris: These men died defending their country. Send flowers to their bitches and ho's.

Brenda Meeks: I just got a weird feeling something bad is heading my way. Like when you see an Asian person behind the wheel of a car.

Carson Ward: It's sweeps month. Ratings mean everything. People want human interest stories, like the one you did yesterday.
Cindy Campbell: The report on breast augmentation? It was just ten minutes of topless women. People want hard hitting stories, and indepth coverage, and, and...
Carson Ward: And TWINS.
[news room suddenly converts into nightclub and the Coors Light twins appear]