The cynicism... well, it can be difficult to give merit to love, to see it as something more significant than hormonal induced temporary madness. And... yes, it has been problematic before. Both receiving and causing heartbreak. I don't enjoy hurting people, and I tend to be very flaky and nomadic, so not offering exclusivity was a way to advance through life and find interesting people without hurting them by making promises in the present that I no longer wish to keep in the future. My tendency to change as time progresses leaves me doubting my own sense of sincerity. At least if I know I am an asshole, I can avoid exposing people to it.

One problem is this is a long distance love. She is far away and I can only see her infrequently, maybe every 2-3 months. It would be nice to be in the same city as her down the line, but this is still years off. Despite this, she is mad for me, and I do not want to damage her if I can avoid it. I also do not wish to relinquish my freedoms... so I am caught in a gray area. The entire relationship has caught me off guard -- I had no idea I could fall so hard for a person. It is a tricky thing.