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Posted 2007-07-24, 08:57 PM in reply to
Thanatos
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"#1"
From someone who years ago considered himself a poet - Not too bad.
One recommendation I can give is to switch up the first words of some of the lines so the word choice itself comes as somewhat of a surprise to the reader (in relation to the end of the previous line). That's assuming you want to keep working on it.
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