A little better. However, the tone and manner in which the characters act seem pretty unnatural and almost robotic. Loosen up how they act and talk. Their dialog shouldn't be much different than an everyday conversation you have with your buddies. It should be loose and flowing, like real conversation, instead of shorter, choppy sentences of speech.

I understand that this is based on a dream, but even so the timing seems very off. These guys just met each other, they have barely talked and all of a sudden they start to drink and screw each other. The pacing should build up more slowly, not be like a random quickie if you want it to have an impact on the reader.

Also, there isn't enough detail or character in here to make the act seem erotic. Personally I really, really don't like the idea of gay relationships, but I'm willing to overlook my personal beliefs to give you input on it. As much as it might make other people squirm, you should try to make it more sensual. Set up a background, add some dialogue, and describe appearence. That's vital for anything romantic in a writing.

I hope my suggestions help you out.