and so he went back in time and tele-frag the mexican policeman, and then told his past-self that he too must go back in time to safe his past-self from killing the seagull just as you did, so that the future and past would not be altered. and so then all was well, and our hero ponders about what he should do next.

It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow when intact to your miserable body.