Worthlessness
How long will it take for the pain to go
How long till i stop hurting The answer is simple, no one will know All the time mocked by worthlessness Why cant i move on, or at least heal Why do i feel an empty void deep within Is because of the hate or just sin This life, ever so long without end Without end nothing pretend It will go on untill the pain will finally decend When it does it will be a glorious day For you see, life isnt worth living alone I used to love, but know she is gone So i site at home, nothing to do No where to go, misfortune is a bitch It seems my life is poluted with garbage Everyday in the hem of my life, a new stitch The pain ever increasing, The happiness always depleting Is there hope for me This life, nothing more then imagination One day we will all pass, then the day will come Then and only then, in death, will i have happiness |
Nice work. A few quick suggestions, though.
1) Check your grammar and spelling. There's a lot of good verbal variety here, and it's slightly marred by a few minor grammatical issues and spelling mishaps. 2) There seems to be a tempo change between the 4th and 5th lines of the 1st stanza. The first four lines work in couplets, but after the 4th line the poem appears to flow in triplets. I would suggest separating those two sections from one another, thereby noting the change in pace. Either way, just a couple of suggestions. Good work, I enjoyed it. |
Im not the greatest speller, and to be quite honest thats the first poem i ever wrote that wasnt to a girl.. those are much better >_<
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