HAHAHAHA

These are both great.

Very nice, that last one JR.

<@GM`> My god damn script is disobeying me.
<@GM`> It's like I programmed a woman >:(

<daem0n_> i got new car radio the other day, its pretty cool. you shout soul and it plays soul, you shout rock and it plays rock. the other day some kids ran past my car and i yelled "FUCKING KIDS" and it played michael jackson.

* Mazca just had a singularly scary experience there...
<Ephialtes> what happened Max?
<Mazca> I was just feeling sorry for myself and pissed off about not having a girlfriend, and wondering what I should do to sort my life out...
<Mazca> then my iTunes, AT THAT EXACT MOMENT, started playing "Gay Bar".

Love the grocery store/biter/HIV one. Fucking awesome.

<+Inca> Lydia: Why did George Bush cross the road?
<+Inca> Lydia: Because his penis was stuck in the chicken!
<+Inca> I have strange friends
<+spock1104> he fucked the chicken and didn't have an exit strategy >_>

<Shovel> I ran across the worst named person in the world today...
<Shovel> I'm sitting in the waiting room at my doctor's office, waiting for a physical before I go off to college in a few weeks.
<Shovel> I'm a little early and there are other people in the waiting room so when the nurse comes out to call the next person I'm pretty sure it's not me.
<Shovel> She walks out of the hallway, looks down at her clipboard and immediately turns around and goes back behind the door.
<Shovel> She's obviously talking to some of the other nurses.
<Shovel> When she comes back about 30 seconds later, she looks at the clipboard, takes a deep breath and says: "Shithead O'Neal, the doctor's able to see you now."
<Shovel> A large black woman stands up quickly and yells in a surprsingly stereotypical black women voice "IT'S PRONOUNCED SHAW-THEED!"
<Shovel> She storms off after the nurse, who is apologizing very loudly and everyone in the waiting room just looks at each other and exchange a few laughs and snickers.

<karlmex> So a friend of mine got back from Amsterdam a few months back, after spending a stint there with a bunch of his mates. Told me quite possibly one of the funniest stories I’ve heard. They had picked up some shrooms and acid, and decided to take it in the wee hours of the morning, and spend the day exploring the city while they tripped…sure enough 20min into it, one of the group vanishes. So, after 7 or so hours of struggling to search for their lost friend, they decide it’d be best to head back to their hotel, sober up, regroup, and go looking when the gears worn off and they’d be of more use.
<tubs> lol k
<karlmex> Anyway, upon arrival at the hotel, surprise suprise they find their friend standing in the lobby, dazed and staring at the ceiling muttering to himself. Understandably they were all pissed off with him for making them worry and bringing their trip down as a result of their half assed search. However all the friend can reply with is “this fucking town is full of gremlins!”… They tried to calm him down and tell him that it was the acid making him hallucinate, to which he replied “I knew you’d say that so I captured one and locked it in the bathroom…”
<tubs> lol?
<karlmex> as you’d expect they thought he was losing the plot, but he insisted they come to his room and look for themselves. So, they head to the room, and sure enough, the bathroom door is baracaded shut with chairs, lamps, mattress and the bed…they're getting a little worried now, so they cautiously move the furniture away and inch the door open…
<tubs> and??
<karlmex> ...Laying on the floor is a 10 year old kid with Down syndrome grinning ear to ear.
<tubs> lol dude that's fucked up
<karlmex> The mate had come across one of those outing groups or retarded kids - freaked out, balled up one of those poor little bastards carried him back to the room and locked him in the bathroom for proof…
<tubs> lol god man
<karlmex> anyway, luckily the kid had one of those ID cards saying “hi my name is Ted, I live at blah blah” lol so yea, took the poor kid to the lobby, called the cops and did a runner before they arrived lol.

Lolololol

Oh man, I think I just shortened my lifespan by laughing so hard.

That's brilliant.

OMG I just pissed my pants. Funniest thing i ever heard.

Lmao. "This fucking town is full of gremlins."

Fucking hell that was great!

I want to go to Amsterdam but Hostel is kind of deturing me...

I also want to go, but I hear Amsterdam is dirty.

I would go... but I'd have to go through France if I didn't catch a plane.

Lol gremlins

Stay in the touristy area and you'll be fine. I'm going later this year or early next year. I can't freakin wait.

I'd like to visit Norway for the sheer fact that instead of just having overpasses they have like waterways going over streets. That's some crazy shit.

<Galactic> you know what's ALWAYS bothered me? cold cereal mascots
<Galactic> I mean that is just some FUCKED UP SHIT
<Galactic> the Trix rabbit, for example
<Galactic> I dunno man... if I were him I'd be fucking KILLING some kids
<Galactic> I remember a commercial where the fuckin rabbit WENT INTO A FUCKIN STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN FUCKIN MONEY.
<Galactic> fuckin kids came outta NOWHERE and basically fuckin mug the poor stupid bitch rabbit
<Galactic> "silly rabbit Trix are for kids"
<Galactic> Fuckin rabbit just sits there and looks depressed.
<Galactic> FUCK NO that wouldn't fly with me
<Galactic> I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those fuckin bitches
<Galactic> and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of them bitches and THEN beat the shit out of them some more.
<Galactic> and wtf is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a fuckin kid?
<Galactic> I dunno about you, but if I SAW a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think
<Galactic> "Hey, there's a cool lookin human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him"
<Galactic> NO.
<Galactic> I'd be thinking
<Galactic> "that's a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the FUCK was I just smoking?"
<Galactic> another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast"
<Galactic> last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast
<Galactic> they show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, a fuckin grapefruit... who the FUCK eats a breakfast that big
<Flaming_Duck> not me
<Flaming Duck> I don't even EAT breakfast nomore
<Flaming_Duck> I mean, I eat when I get up
<Flaming_Duck> but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME"
<FLaming_Suck> bitch, you make my fucking sausage and egg sandwich when I pay you the fucking money
<Flaming_Duck> don't give me that shit.
<Galactic> Back to stupid cereal mascots...
<Galactic> Lucky Charms.
<Galactic> FUCKING LUCKY CHARMS
<Galactic> Lucky can turn the fucking MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of fucking 6 year olds?!?!?
<Galactic> C'mon now, Lucky.
<Galactic> I KNOW your bitch ass has got to have a "Blow the fucking kids up" spell SOMEWHERE
<Galactic> or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT those bitches.
<Galactic> "They're after me Lucky Charms!"
<Galactic> ....
<Galactic> KILL THEM, BITCH!
<Galactic> I dunno why I went off on this rant here
<Galactic> it's just always bothered me."

<Edofnor> #1 pickup line of all time: "Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?





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wtf, mj on bash.org??

#473599 +(4697)- [X]

Mjordan2nd: If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
Chris: Spider Man
Tim: batman
Sidd: batman
Mjordan2nd: I'd be god