The 5th girl is a man.

Not really. I'm used to it.

May as well answer my own question. I would say that I am lonely, but not extremely.

The place I live now is just pretty depressing. Most of the people are fake, and the ones that aren't all have a girlfriend/boyfriend so nobody really hangs out, unless it's a party, in which case I just smoke myself retarded. The problem is that I don't have a "best friend" here because everyone is so deeply ingrained in their friend cliques they've had since elementary school... so I am basically a part of each clique, but I don't have a specific spot in them, I just jump around to whichever one is most interesting at the time. So I have a lot of friends, just no best friend.

I'm used to having a best friend or two wherever I go, but that's not the case here, so I feel somewhat discombobulated. I feed off the energies of the people around me, and I'm only getting small amounts from these people. It's not working out too well, because I'm used to more, so this isn't satisfying me. But since I get nothing by myself, I would still rather be around these people that give off small amounts.. but then I end up craving more, go into withdrawl, and keep repeating the cycle.

I just want someone I can hang out with and talk to completely earnestly and without the chit chat bullshit. Just really honest discussion about whatever is on our minds. There was one guy that I hung out with a lot here, got into many meangingful conversations with him, but then he too got a girlfriend and we haven't hung out since.. heh. So I've been kind of empty since then.

I just want to be important to someone, you know? I can't think of anyone around here that would be honestly distraught if I just went and died right now... maybe one person. I recently tried filling that gap with this girl I know, we became really close for a while. So I thought I made her happy, and that she'd be happy if we were in a relationship, so I asked her out. Apparently this fucked her mind, since she balked, said she didn't have time, and things became awkward. Three weeks later she got a new boyfriend.. so yeah. I think that since I suddenly cut off her source of comfortableness she turned to that guy for stability, since them getting together was pretty sudden and random. Actually, that was the theory of a friend of hers, but it somewhat makes sense. Had I known back then what I know now, I never would have caused this odd situation. I actually feel somewhat bad about it, since I think that one or the both of them are going to get hurt sometime in the future. Oh well, I'm probably looking too much into it.

Since that didn't work, I tried just making a lot more friends. Basically now I have 3x as many friends who still give off small amounts of energy, heh. And here's the weird part: I find myself most comfortable around depressed people because I can cheer them up through my natural exuberance and they look up to me for it... so I get more back from them. When I'm around groups of happy people, I feel blocked out because there's no personal connection, and I tend to get depressed. That's why I smoke myself retarded at parties and such, heh. I'm sure if I had a girlfriend or a best friend at the party also, it wouldn't be a problem. Oh well, I'm fucked up.

I'm lonely.

I've never had a girlfriend, and all my life my friends have lived a few miles away. There's absolutely nothing to do around where I live, and any form of nightlife is non-existent. The only form of fun is anything in the house, and the park a mile or so away...which is inhabitted by swarms of scallies, townies and chavs.

I think I'd just like someone nearby to hang out with...

There's no point going for the girl I really like...for two reasons: 1. we're good friends, so if we do have a relationship and break up (which is inevitable) that's one good friendship down the drain, and 2. I'm not her type and she's already got a boyfriend...so...

And that's the extent of that for the moment...

I am lonely. What would make it better? If my friends took the time to invite me to do things with them or we at least hung out more than once a school year. That would make it better.

I have a lot of friends and I do hang out with them, but it's not enough for me anymore..

The real annoying part is that the "old me" is telling me to shut the fuck up and live with it, and to go kick some kid in the balls for fun. But I can't just shrug things off and ignore them like I previously could.

Some of my oldest friends think I broke my brain on drugs, heh

I think my whole existence revolves around the warrior mentality. Hah. I love what is "epic", I love what is a "higher cause", I love principles, I love ideals, I love brotherhood with my best guy friends. I am quick to rage when I need to be, and I am quick to be sentimental when I need to be. If I have a problem I fix it. Not some jackass. I am a go getter. I can lead, but I have the ability to be symbiotic with equal partners. I like fighting mentally and physically, and I am pretty capable in both of those areas.

So, when I am lonely, I go make myself not lonely, or I find a way to enjoy the time alone. Like on Zelaron.

So THATS why you made this forum.

In response to your question, no I am not lonely. There is someone important in my life and she makes me feel really good inside. Shes my best friend. Life is good for me right now ^^

You got me. You caught the tater.

I've met a guy who makes me feel really good about myself...but since he is a few hundred miles away, it's not the same as if he were beside me.

Actually, I am pretty lonely. I mean, a lot of girls like me and all, it's just they aren't the right ones. It'd be too easy to get some cheap sex with these whores. Granted a lot of them are pretty nice, they are sluts. Recently my ex was wanting to hang out with me and stuff, but she was like "me and sean are more of a boyfriend/girlfriend type. You and I are more of best friend type." I mean, that's not too harsh, but I was miserable for about 2 months because I had no reason why she broke up with me, and when I finally was able to get a hold of her (she was super busy), she said it was because she wouldn't have time for a boyfriend. Now it's summer, I wanted to pursue a relationship, and then BAM, she's with Sean. Sean's an ok guy, hung out with him a few times and all, but I just hate him for taking her. She's a real good girl too. There are a few other good girls that I know, and I'm good friends with them. A lot of them are just afraid to do anything, and I'm pretty sure one of them likes me, but it's so damn hard to tell. Life's a bitch, fuck it and run.

Also, I'm feeling almost rejected by my best friend. It's been a week since I've seen him, and I've called him about 3 times, and he didn't return anything. He's my drinking buddy, we do shit together, and I trust him with a lot of things. It just seems we have way different views on life. He's the one who does so many drugs, and hangs out with his druggie friends a lot more than me. Maybe he's just busy with work and shit, I dunno. His brother is real cool shit, I talked to him and he said he had just dropped my buddy at my house a few minutes ago (yesterday). And so I was thinking what the fuck. I only have a couple of good friends in town here, the rest are the sluts and some other alright friends. I just don't know what to do.

Actually, the 5th girl is the one I've been talking about. I thought maybe you guys could pick up on that..

I'm kinda pissed at my best friend. Me and him used to do shit all the time.. when nobody else would do anything I'd call him up and we'd smoke a bowl or something. He's never had a good relationship with a girl so I hooked a brother up: big mistake. Ever since I introduced them to each other they haven't spent time with anybody else. He doesn't do shit with ANY of his friends anymore. He's always over at her house because he's her bitch, plain and simple. She controls him and he loves it.

BLAH.

Sounds like my brother.

For myself..

Im not too bad. My friends are the shit when they are just with me, but when they are together and Im there they turn into hella assholes. For instance, my friend Sean is real cool when we are just together because he doesnt have any bad influences, same with my friend Garrett, they wouldnt do anything intentional to me except for joke around.Bleh. Okay, thats cool, but last night when Garrett was at Seans house, sean talked to me on IM and was saying shit about my girlfriend, how he was 'in bed with her' last night, and remember, sean is the one that went out with her like 3 hrs after we broke up. Well, he ends up being fruity. He calls me a 'gw', and I am like 15% smarter than he is, and know everything he is going to say so I figured that meant 'gay white', and apparently it did. I called him a nerdy ass white chick, and he cried about me being an asshole.

Blah.

Fuck him.

Funny thing is, next I say "Sean I would never kick G's ass but i would kick yours"(G=Garrett), and hes like "well why mine?" and I say "Becuase you never know when to shut the fuck up, but he does". Then I mention taking one of my friends to a theme park (called WOF or worlds of fun) with my dad, they both want to meet my dad becuase they heard so much about him and so seans all being nice to me and shit; Im pretty sure this is a unanimous decision lolers. Pick the better friend; the one that is most respectful.

Thats all.

Oh yeah, I was at this girl Jennas house the other night with my friend Garrett, and so she says shhe likes him but she has a boyfriend, and I say "Do you like him more than CJ" and she says yes, so I say "Do you like me more than CJ" and she says yes. So i sent her a text asking if she would ever go out with me if we were both single, and if she says no ill understand. Thats my updates.

I'm in a good mood because today was fucking random and hilarious, but I'd like to be able to find a proper balance between quasi-depression and outright gleefulness. I don't know how, and that bothers me. I don't like not being in control of my own moods and feelings.

Yeah i have a few friends that are completely chained to a girl. It is kind of depressing because we cannot go out and have fun because he has to spend time with his girl friend.

That's how ALL my friends are. Including the girls. So basically I hang out with whoever isn't dating someone or whose insignificant other is busy at the moment.

That's how my friends are lately that we are out of high school forever, sad thing is they won't admit it.

Hah, no.

I live alone but friends help me get through the day. I can talk to them about anything usually, and they have common sense to not be retarded.

Girls? I guess I have my eyes on a few at school, but they are nothing I would do something about.

I think you only feel loneliness if you let yourself sink into that whirlpool of depression, just don't think about it, get to know the people around you and I'm sure you'll be able to find people like you, who you'll be able to share your feelings with and have a great time.

To a certain degree. I'd like a girlfriend, but more for company than anything else. Not necessarily for sex, not necessarily for a serious relationship. Just someone to have fun with.

I won't have sex with a girl unless I've got some amount of emotional attachment to her. I'm not a douchebag that just sleeps with anything that walks through the door. On the other hand, I can't think of anything I'd be less interested in having right now than a 100% committed, serious-as-hell relationship. I've got too much other shit to worry about these days without throwing a needy girlfriend on top of the pile.

However, I can currently do without. I've got enough people around me at all times, making it so that every spare second I can dig up for myself is like buried gold to me. I like being alone for a certain percentage of my day, and recently I haven't really been getting the amount of solitude I'm normally used to.