Child's View. The Iceskats.

[Mdselctr]

today The same day
That mother bot The
Iceskats.

brother The mittil
aged sister and me
had a contest.

mother Tok her Ifon
and watch us. I am
glad she watch us.

after she drov
home. wen she got
bak she seyd dad
got arRestid.

1 man caym and shok
her hand. she seyd
dad can get help
now.

after Ten the men
left and she was
alon so she got
redy To go To slep.

wen she put us in
bed she seyd swet
drems but she did
not say if dad wil
be gon over nite.

mayb mom and dad
got in a big fite
becos she didnt lik
him to wash all The
dirt of ar bodys or
becos she didnt lik
wen he calz me
princes.

[Jessifer]

...Wow...

[Skurai]

Damn children need to learn their E's.

[S2 AM]

mayb mom and dad
got in a big fite
bcuz she didnt lik
him to wash all The
dirt of ar bodz or
bcuz she didnt lik
wen he calz me
princes.


As you probably know, and I don't mean to sound like a complete jackass, but I think it's kinda stupid. I understand what you're trying to do, but it's a silly form of art if that's what it's mean to be. If you posted it here for feedback, though, I'd say at the end change "bodz" and "bcuz" which sounds less like a kid, and more like internet slang from an AOL chatroom ;)

[Mdselctr]

As you probably know, and I don't mean to sound like a complete jackass, but I think it's kinda stupid. I understand what you're trying to do, but it's a silly form of art if that's what it's mean to be. If you posted it here for feedback, though, I'd say at the end change "bodz" and "bcuz" which sounds less like a kid, and more like internet slang from an AOL chatroom ;)
Good ideas.

[!King_Amazon!]

Honestly, I think it would have been perfectly fine if you had written it with somewhat proper english from the perspective of a child. The overly broken english kinda takes away from the emotion.

[Skurai]

To me it was more of a challenge to read it all correctly, than it was an emotional thing. Also, that kid seems kinda slow. My little cousin is way more insightful, and I'm pretty sure I'd understand the situation better than that kid. Then again, my childhood sucked major ass, so I grew up a bit different...

[Mdselctr]

You have to understand, she's only five years old.
Plus, her mother is obviously a domineering woman
who has the whole family under the fear of her own
anger.

[Skurai]

Wait, the child was a girl?? :o
...Guess I gotta ready it again.

[Combinatus]

Wait, the child was a girl?? :o
...Guess I gotta ready it again.


I'm sure you do.