Doubt

[Grav]

I've been in a relationship with a girl for a long time now. I care about her, but I don't feel like I am in love with her. These doubts have slowly grown over time, and I'm extremely conflicted. On the one hand, she loves me dearly and would be very upset if we broke up. On the other, it seems unfair to both of us to stay in a relationship that I cannot invest my feelings into.

I was completely shocked when, recently, I was introducing myself to a girl and had a nervous feeling in my stomach. The kind you got in middle school. It seemed completely asinine for me to have that kind of feeling, especially when I've been in a relationship for so long. I have no idea what's going on with me, but this has been a large source of doubt in my mind. I'm awake right now because I can't get past it to get to sleep.

What would you do?

[Titusfied]

Well, if the doubts are strong, and you feel real, I would end the relationship sooner than later. Honestly, I'm engaged, but there were times in my relationship that I was questioning similar things, however, they would fade, and there would also be moments that would take place that would completely erase any doubts I had - and that was when I realized I was just being human, and quite frankly, stupid, that those thoughts even entered my mind. Today, I have no doubt that she's the person I will be spending the rest of my life with and raise a family, however, we're men. We're going to have thoughts, we're going to have doubts. It's being able to work through them that will determine if they're real or not. If this is a lingering problem, I would say you're not going to get over it. If it's keeping you from sleeping, then it's a problem. Don't let complacency, and the comforts of a relationship (I know, they can be great) skew your feelings. It's not fair to you, or her...

[D3V]

Try spending some time away from this chick, that's the easiest way to tell. If you really start to miss her etc you'll know if you want to see her after being away from her for a while. But if the doubts are strong enough, you are right, the relationship is kinda lopsided.

[Grav]

I called her tonight and told her how I was feeling (or not feeling). She was really understanding and we're now what I guess you would call an open relationship. We still want to see each other, just not on specific terms. So things worked out.

[Titusfied]

Nice, I think that was the right move. At least it's out in the open now, and you'll either work through it, or it will end. How long has this relationship been going on now?

[Grav]

Going on four years now

[-Spector-]

Wow and she was that understanding? Mad props to you Grav.

[D3V]

Yeah, being that understanding after four years she might not actually loved you as much as she said, OR, she really does love you that much and follows that little saying that "its only true love if you can set it free" or w/e.

[Grav]

Yeah, being that understanding after four years she might not actually loved you as much as she said, OR, she really does love you that much and follows that little saying that "its only true love if you can set it free" or w/e.

Her reasoning was that we're still too young to know what we want, she would rather just stay as we were then break up completely. If someone else comes into the picture, then we can deal with that when it happens.

[D3V]

Hmm, that's so troubling to think about. I would just not think about it like I assume you are already doing, and just keep living as you are.

[Grav]

I'm pretty open about it. I don't see a problem with people having more than one love interest. It seems normal to me.

[-Spector-]

I couldn't take thinking about whether the girl I love is out dating other people or not... >.<

[D3V]

I couldn't take thinking about whether the girl I love is out dating other people or not... >.<

I feel the same way. For me personally it's impossible to invest a love into another person, knowing all along that they might or may feel that way about somebody else. But I guess with Grav's situation it works out somehow.

[Grav]

Maybe I'm just an egoist?

[-Spector-]

Maybe I'm just an egoist?


I'm jealous.

[Willkillforfood]

Perhaps you need something to rekindle things. I have no idea what though :D. You're welcome for my invaluable advice.