Inability to let things go

[-Spector-]

I have a huge problem that contributes to alot of psychological and relationship turmoil.

I don't know how to let things go.

I've had things happen to me in previous relationships that really hurt (Everyone has) and I've carried it on to my current relationship. My ex cheated on me, and now I'm always paranoid that my girlfriend is going to cheat on me. Though she's never done anything like that, the thought still wanders around in my mind.

Every time she goes out with her friends I get... I wouldn't say jealous but paranoid, almost terrified that she's going to talk to some guys, get hit on, flirt around, etc.

So that brings up the issue of trust. I have a hard time trusting her since I've been burned previously. I know every attractive girl will get hit on, but I have a hard time trusting her not to flirt back.

Back to the main point, if she does something wrong, even if it is extremely minor, I hold it against her for weeks, even months, and it stays in my mind at all times. I never forget it, I bring it up when its unnecessary, and it tears me apart inside.

I hate making her upset, and I hate worrying all the fuckin' time. How do you guys let go of things and come to terms with them? How do you teach yourself to trust again?


One last thing, Can someone help me identify this emotion from this description of physical symptoms? :

The feeling you get in your stomach when you are driving and go over a small hill. I get that feeling, though a lot more intensified, in my chest, in my lower back, my stomach and my thighs.

I want to say it's anxiety? Or maybe fear?

Any help guys, thanks a lot.

[Grav]

Could it be insecurity issues? If you knew you were the bomb, you wouldn't have to worry about things like your girlfriend cheating on you.

[-Spector-]

I think everyone has insecurities...

[Grav]

Moreso than normal, I mean.

[Vault Dweller]

First off, that physical sensation you're describing sounds a lot like anxiety. However, said physical symptoms can be manifestations of much more serious problems.
Case(s) in point: Two of my friends have claimed such symptoms in the past few years. In both cases, these symptoms were written off (by medical "professionals" and others) as anxiety attacks. In both cases, they were symptoms of heart conditions. I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear (the thought of heart problems could simply lead to more anxiety), however the responsible course of action, in my opinion, would be to have yourself checked out, just to be safe.

As for the trust issues, well, those aren't something you just "get over." My recommendation would be to openly discuss the situation with your girl (if you haven't already). Realize that while all women are fundamentally similar in the sense that they are all capable of driving us to completely illogical states, they are not all identical. She is not your ex. The hard truth is, if you aren't able to trust her, you probably aren't emotionally prepared to be in a serious relationship.

Now, as an example of my own emotional maturity, I'm going to go into the wastes, shoot some super mutants in their grossly deformed heads, then go to bed...

...perhaps I shouldn't be giving advice.

[gruesomeBODY]

Ill be honest, its hard to give out advise when you yourself are dealing with the same issues. I am out of a relationship at the moment, but after my ex cheated on me, i have had issues trusting, being parnoid, etc. But, from what people tell me, just be careless and it goes away. Ill let you know how that goes.