My Funny for today

[D3V]

Well, here's my funny story of the day, just an exceprt of it.


I overhear the two girls next to me talking about money or something, so I spin around and see what's up, and they're like "Wtf, why would the put Mexico on our money? I mean i've seen the quarters with our states on 'em, but why New Mexico? Wtf"


I'm kinda baffled at this point, I was like "New Mexico, right?"

She's like yeah, it says NEW Mexico, wtf?






...




I love my job.

[HandOfHeaven]

How old are said girls, and what are their education levels?

[D3V]

The one with the quarter is like 39-ish? And the other is like 23-24 I think, pretty funny. And they made fun of me beacuse I'm sunburnt, rofl.

[HandOfHeaven]

I could see it now. 'Where's the lemon and butter for this lobster over here?'

Tell them you have a surprise for them under your desk.

[D3V]

LOL! yeah it was funny too because she insisted on showing me the quarter like it wasn't real or something.

[Thanatos]

Had a co-worker ask me today what 6 x 6 was.

So I told her 66. Dumb bitch.

[Vault Dweller]

Joke's on us. These morons can vote.

[D3V]

Well yeah one is a McCain supporter, great, the other doesn't vote.

[Coffeedagger]

lol these storyies are great i love dumb people they make me laugh so much
!

[Asamin]

I was born there! It deserves to be on a quarter.

[D3V]

I'm sure i'll have another by tomorrow..

[-Spector-]

Wow.. that's just sad. Where do you work again?

[D3V]

I work for a hospital group in Jacksonville, pretty prominent around here.

Update: The second "coworker" just came walked by and sat down and was complaining of her hand hurting..

So I was like like uh, okay, what's wrong.

She goes on to tell me that her hand itches, so i'm like uh alright.



She then asks me "Hey, doesn't it mean your going to get MONEY if your hand itches?"

I'm like I doubt it, unless you just got a raise, or your paycheck has hit your hand I doubt it, it probably just means your hand itches (being a smartass).. and she then goes on to tell me OH NO OH NO, it really does. She then asks Co-worker #1 (the one with the quarter earlier on) and she agrees with her and says she's heard the same thing, which makes me want to turn my music up even more, then goes on to say it's only if your left hand itches, if your right hand itches then later in the day you're going to shake the hand of a stranger.





...Jesus christ, it's like living/walking/talking/breathing chain e-mails I work with.



What makes the story even worse is how genuine they are about it, like they actually believe this crap. The same people that send hundreds of chain e-mails that say at the bottom IF U DUNT SEND THES TOO 8 PPLZ IN 5 MENETS U RNT GONA FIND LUV EVR

Blah. It's almost time to go. Atleast they give me a good chuckle.

[Lenny]

Go in tomorrow and present to them, with a deadly serious face, one of those daft chain mails, ending with "if you don't spread it around and tell another twenty people" something bad will happen.

I wonder if they'll fall for it.

[Xenn]

Had a co-worker ask me today what 6 x 6 was.

So I told her 66. Dumb bitch.

For some reason I found this hilarious

[talentedhamster]

it scares me that there are people in this world that are that stupid

[KagomJack]

eL Oh eL

[D3V]

This is my short funny for today.


Coworker #2 comes back from the break room with a diet coke, cracks it open and drinks a bit. Co-worker #1 gasps, and says to co-worker #2 "Omg! didn't you know that drinking diet coke makes your hair fall out!" - being totally serious while saying this. Co-worker #1 then goes on to try and expalin it, as #2 doesn't believe it, she goes and asks #2's source, which is #3 the new one who confirms the story.

I really have never heard of this myth but it cracks me up.

[-Spector-]

You work with some interesting/stupid ass people.

[D3V]

Honestly. I mean one of 'em is around 40 years old now, I remember her talking about her birthday coming up and being 39 for the next few years. And the other is my age, well a bit older she's like 24-ish, still fun to have though, always nice to have a good chuckle.

[talentedhamster]

I have a funny story!!! My friend Erika and I were in shop rite, getting food for my party. We were in the candy aisle and erika says "Katie, what is LEEK-O-RICE?"
and im like wtf are you trlaking about and shes like "yea LEEK-O-RICE, it says it over here"






it was licorice.

[D3V]

LOL, poor people we live with in this little world.


I had mine for today again, already.


It started out as talking about beer pong, and then turned into ping pong, when I did a Forrest gump impersonation. From there reminicising about the movie and co-worker #2 keeps going on about how stupid the movie was, and how stupid 'Forest' was in the movie. Talking about how he sat on that bench for hours for no reason, etc.

And it finally hit me, she didn't know he was retarded in the movie. So I then asked her, "You knew the whole point of the movie was to portray a mentally handicapped individual who happened to be living in the south and had gone to war, etc etc." And she goes "I didn't know he was RETARDED! I thought he was just a southerner........................."


--...

[talentedhamster]

HAHAHA my friend ali is like that. shes so fucking retarded she was trying to sound smart at lunch the other day, and instead of saying "i gotta go pee" shes like "i have to go empty my gonads"

we're all like WTF and shes like "yea your gonads, its that thing that hold the pee"


holy. fucking. shit.

[D3V]

Lol... people.

[Coffeedagger]

Wow i love this please keep up the stories, i love stories.

[Asamin]

Those people did not deserve a diploma.

[Thanatos]

Teaching this woman how to double-click was easily the highlight of my day.

WHY DO I WORK WITH SO MANY RETARDS? You know how when kittens discover a worm and paw at it and then jump away? That's the way it is with every single co-worker of mine and computers.

Technology, people. It isn't going away. Step up your fucking game.

[Coriander]

Here is my funny for the day. My mom and dad are rather..."special" when it comes to computers, My mom was looking online and she goes "Umm, Hey, What does this WWW mean infront of everything on the little bar." I just sort of looked at her funny and said "Umm...World Wide Web..." She blinked and said "Ooooooooooooooooooooh!!! I GET IT!!!!!!!!"

[D3V]

You know how when kittens discover a worm and paw at it and then jump away? That's the way it is with every single co-worker of mine and computers.



Dude, dude. That shit made me literally LOL and "coworker 1" was like WTF are you laughing at.

Kinda funny too, because I had my headphones on while I laughed, and took them off right after, and apparently she just was telling coworker #2 that her friend had a miscarriage, so it was a bad situation. And another addition to my daily funny.

[D3V]

Wow, no real funny for today. It was essentially a slow ass normal Tuesday with nothing spectacular going on or anything, it's been a shitty day, i'll try and give you one tomorrow.

[D3V]

Well today I find out that I may have a possible stalker in the office somewhere, not as funny but is somewhat funny? Co-worker #1 had to tell me and I guess I have to call her after I get off to find out the real details about it, this is kinda creeper for real.

Nothing too unusually funny. Damn. Work has sucked since they restructured our office.

[Lenny]

Lol. No matter how old you get, and how serious the subject matter, we all still act like primary school kids regardless of our age.

I know something you don't know!
Ooooh, what?
Not telling you!
Go on... pretty please?
You got a stalker!! *giggle*
More! More!
No.
Please?
No.
Aw, come on!
No.
I'll be your friend!
Later.
Fine.


We all did it when we were ten. We all did it when we were fourteen. We all did/do it when we're eighteen (heaven knows I've had it happen to me this term - Lenny! Lenny! Who do you fancy? Come on! I won't tell! Lenny! It's later now, Lenny. You promised you'd tell me!). And it seems we're destined to do it in the office. :p

[sonic werehog]

I do like your jokes so plese keep it up man

[D3V]

Hahahah, Lenny, you have a very valid point.

I've noticed this too, it occurs to me more and more now. Remember back when you were a kid in elementary school? If you liked a girl, what would you do? You would push her into the sandbox, take her toy and call her a name. That mentality is stuck into both the girl's and boy's head all the way through growing up, and it doesn't change no matter how old you get. Which is why operation asshole is so successful.

[Wallow]

Hahahah, Lenny, you have a very valid point.

I've noticed this too, it occurs to me more and more now. Remember back when you were a kid in elementary school? If you liked a girl, what would you do? You would push her into the sandbox, take her toy and call her a name. That mentality is stuck into both the girl's and boy's head all the way through growing up, and it doesn't change no matter how old you get. Which is why operation asshole is so successful.

Operation asshole only really seems to be a method to get laid. I think you'll only find the true girl if you act the way you are; then again, a lot of guys are normally douchebags (I used to be one in elementary school, come to think of it).

[D3V]

You still have a lot of growing up to do.

[Kazilla]

You still have a lot of growing up to do.
truth

Side note, our generation is the first I think. We will never grow up, all the child like instincts are inbedded into us like a hot brand on a cows ass. Sure we might act a little different, but deep down inside we are all the kid we grew up as. Commence lousy insults about how my girlfriend works for me.

[D3V]

I wouldn't really say there is a difference in generations. Both of my uncles are still very childish and from what I heard from my mom is that they've never really changed.

[Kazilla]

I guess your right. When I used to walk through the store with my parents my mom would lead followed by my dad and me. When we passed the magazine rack he would point out all the girlies on cars with yeti's showing.. lol. I guess it's just weird to think of your parents as childish.

[Wallow]

Heh, you both have a lot of growing up to do.

[D3V]

Heh, you both have a lot of growing up to do.

Well fellas, here is my funny for today.

[Wallow]

Well fellas, here is my funny for today.

Denial is even worse...

Kazilla lives off what his girlfriend feeds him

You are at many times ignorant and completely immature

I rest my case

[Kazilla]

Says... the 14 year old, er didn't you just have a birthday are you 15 now?

[Wallow]

Says... the 14 year old, er didn't you just have a birthday are you 15 now?

16...it's not that hard do click a link.

[Lenny]

Haven't you seen the defences those bastards throw up whenever you get near them?! All underliney and shiny... scares the freakin' bejeezus outta me!

I mean... damn! Who knows what the blighters'll do if you click 'em? I for one ain't gonna stick around to find out. What ya got, stupid for brains?! Hell, it's suicide, man!

Where am I? Lounge? Good.

And on another note, What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

[-Spector-]

The table part?

[Lenny]

Alas, no.

The wheelchair.

[-Spector-]

ooo, that's mean.

[D3V]

alas, no.

the wheelchair.

hahahahaha

[Thanatos]

I heard it as:

Q - What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

A - Getting it out of the wheelchair.

[-Spector-]

I guess some individuals like to consume metal and rubber also!

[Lenny]

I've got another one. :D Does anyone mind dead baby jokes?

What's the difference between a rotting pile of dead babies, and a red ferrari?

[-Spector-]

You don't have a red ferrari in your garage.

[D3V]

hahahahaha, that's fucking disgusting. I'm going to call that joke into Nancy Grace next time she is talking about the Caylee Anthony "saga".

[Lenny]

Alas, no.

I've not had sex with a red ferrari.

---

How about...

What do you get when you put a baby in a microwave?

[D3V]

lolwut

[Lenny]

Alas, no.

I don't know - I was too busy jacking off.


And I've got plenty more where they come from. :)

[D3V]

My funny for today, comes in the form of the co-worker that walks around the office talking to him/herself and thinks that all of his/her jokes are the most hilarious things in the entire world. Funnier than the little black kid in the movie Role Models..yeah..

As she walks around the office and approaches the two people that sit next to me, we all wonder who she's talking to and like to joke about it occasionally just to b.s. and pass time along. Finally today I got the nerve to ask if she had a mouse in her pocket as she was walking about babbling on about something.

She replies, "No?! Why what do you mean by that!?" -- I replied "Well, I figured you were walking around talking and nobody was listening to you, so I figured you must've brought a mouse with you to work, and left it in your pocket.." -at this point I turned my seat back around, put my headphones back on and kept working. Laughter ensued...

[!King_Amazon!]

wut

not even funny

[Kazilla]

Is that like one of those stupid things like, "OMG! Your pocket fell off!". So many stupid little pricks at my high school would do shit like that and think that they were cool. If it's not like that then I still don't get it. I mean, why would she have brought a mouse to work?

[!King_Amazon!]

Is that like one of those stupid things like, "OMG! Your pocket fell off!". So many stupid little pricks at my high school would do shit like that and think that they were cool. If it's not like that then I still don't get it. I mean, why would she have brought a mouse to work?
Clearly you like fishsticks.

[D3V]

You've never heard somebody ask if you have a mouse in your pocket when you were to say "We".. nevermind.

[Kazilla]

I have never heard someone ask me if I have a mouse in my pocket. No.

[!King_Amazon!]

I have never heard someone ask me if I have a mouse in my pocket. No.

Me neither.

[D3V]

Must be a dumbass southern saying then, sorry I even mentioned it.

[-Spector-]

Please explain, because I have never heard of this either.

[Sum Yung Guy]

No, please don't explain.

[D3V]

That's what I was thinking. You can't explain incoherent redneck sayings, they just stick and are spread down through generations of inbreeding which then their little vermon children infiltrate public school and start using the same terminologies.

[Lenny]

If someone refers to themselves as 'we', you begin to wonder who is with them, thus leading to: "'We'? Who's this 'we'? Have you got a mouse in your pocket?". Haven't the foggiest where the mouse originates from.

You can kind of think of it as a strange variation of the majestic plural.

[-Spector-]

Mouse in pocket = boner?

[Skurai]

Well. I've put 2 and 2 together and it made 3 and 1/2.

You work... at a fast food resturaunt (considering the I.Q. of the others) that serves diet coke, and works in banking in the middle of New Mexico.

You're Mexican.

[D3V]

Couldn't be further from the truth, but you can try again if you'd like!

[Kazilla]

http://www.youtube.com/v/m-3FNfr0v9Y

Not my funny but omg I was laughing so hard at this.

[-Spector-]

Oh. My. God.

Epic Kazilla, epic.

[Skurai]

Couldn't be further from the truth, but you can try again if you'd like!

Ok. Divide by Zero and you get....


You're an African American Business man working in austrailia because you think there's some kind of secret to saving the rare Cacti using Kangaroo hair.

[!King_Amazon!]

http://www.youtube.com/v/m-3fnfr0v9y

not my funny but omg i was laughing so hard at this.
lol.

Wut