I have a problem.

[Hunsy]

Well, about 8 months or so ago my ex-fiance and I broke up. We had a child together, and at the time of the break up he was going back to Colorado to live with his family. I (stupidly) trusted him to take the child with him to allow his family to see the baby, since they had not seen him at all. Well, of course at this time he swore up and down that he still loved me and was going to do his best in CO to prove that and get a good job and build a life for us. He told me he didn't want to be with anyone else. He also swore to me that he would not keep Dante from myself and his brother Vincent.

Well, not two weeks into being back in CO, he is already with another girl, which is really no big deal, except he lied to me about not wanting to be with other people after I knew he did, and I openly gave him the option to explore.

Well, through this 8 months, I have seen my son a total of 4 hours, and probably talked to him maybe 4 times. This guy REFUSES to respond to my e-mails, call me, or in any way tell me anything. Since he moved into his own place and got a new number, he has only called me once and left his number private so I had no way to contact him.

The police there, even though my mom had custody, and the papers to prove it, refused to do a thing about it. I don't know what to do any more, because it seems even when I turn to the law for help, they just blow me off.

So, I was wondering if anyone had been through this kind of thing before, or knows anything about the matter so maybe I can find a way to solve this.

[Demosthenes]

That's a shitty situation, Hun. Perhaps try contacting a lawyer.

[Hunsy]

That's a shitty situation, Hun. Perhaps try contacting a lawyer.

Yeah I did that, and the only thing he told me is that we could go to court, and maybe the judge would issue an emergency custody order. The only reason the judge would even be somewhat inclined to do so was because my mom had custody. Otherwise, I can only try to find the time to go to court up in CO, and hope that I get custody.

I am really trying to find a way also to avoid lawyers and courts. I have enough legal issues with my son here, and I would like to find a way to try and make this as painless as possible.

[HandOfHeaven]

That's pretty rough for him to just give you the uber cold shoulder like that. You've only seen your son 4 hours out of the 8 months? Jesus fucking Ricky Christ, that guy sounds psychotic. Does he think you're a bad influence? Or is he just trying to be mean? That is just wrong in so many ways, you should be allowed to see the kid you gave birth to. And if your mom had custody, shouldn't she be able to do something about it?

[!King_Amazon!]

Alright well your first problem is you named your kids Vincent and Dante.

Simple, if he does not have custody, file a kidnapping charge. What he's technically done is kidnapped the boy if he doesn't have custody of him.

[Vollstrecker]

Simple, if he does not have custody, file a kidnapping charge. What he's technically done is kidnapped the boy if he doesn't have custody of him.

Beat me to it.

He's obviously avoiding you and attempting to keep the child. It doesn't sound like he's going to be interested in compromise, so have your mother file a kidnapping charge and watch how open he becomes to talking when facing a standard 10-year prison sentence for kidnapping.

[gruesomeBODY]

Alright well your first problem is you named your kids Vincent and Dante.

Simple, if he does not have custody, file a kidnapping charge. What he's technically done is kidnapped the boy if he doesn't have custody of him.

Thats what i was thinking. If you have custody papers and he isnt allowing you to see them, then he is kidnapping your kids.

[!King_Amazon!]

Also, don't call the police there. Get with your local police. They can handle it from there.

[Vollstrecker]

Exactly, have your mother report it as a kidnapping, and give the police the information you have about the father. Let him have it in the nuts if he wants to play hardball.

[Willkillforfood]

Only thing that might fuck you over is the fact that you've waited 8 months to file any charges x_X. But it's definitely the route to go.

[Hunsy]

Exactly, have your mother report it as a kidnapping, and give the police the information you have about the father. Let him have it in the nuts if he wants to play hardball.

My mom has talked to them here....I am pretty sure they told her it had to be done there, and even though his name isn't on the birth records, my son's last name is his. That was part of the problem too, the police here, and there, don't want to do anything because he claims to be the father, even though he has no proof of it. That is what the police here told her part of our problem was. But that doesn't seem right. I will talk to her again about what they said, but in ways, I think the police are just fucking off because they do not want to get involved. :(

Oh and K_A, since when are the names Vincent and Dante so bad. (Honestly, I hate most boy names, and those were some of the few I actually liked. Gimme a girl, and I have quite a few names I like.)

[!King_Amazon!]

Since they sound like they should be wearing all red and black and killing evil shit.

[Hunsy]

Since they sound like they should be wearing all red and black and killing evil shit.

LOL ok then.

[HandOfHeaven]

Devil May Cry?

[!King_Amazon!]

And Final Fantasy 7.

Dante is from Devil May Cry, Vincent is from Final Fantasy 7, both were pretty dark characters.

[Willkillforfood]

Should have named them Ebony and Ivory?

[Hunsy]

And Final Fantasy 7.

Dante is from Devil May Cry, Vincent is from Final Fantasy 7, both were pretty dark characters.

I know I am a gamer and all, so I suppose that is why people think I named my kids the names I did. I did not though. I actually went through the baby books and all. I suppose if I was going to name my kids after some people from games, those two would be pretty good.

[HandOfHeaven]

Or Hadriel and Izual.

[The1]

My mom has talked to them here....I am pretty sure they told her it had to be done there, and even though his name isn't on the birth records, my son's last name is his. That was part of the problem too, the police here, and there, don't want to do anything because he claims to be the father, even though he has no proof of it. That is what the police here told her part of our problem was. But that doesn't seem right. I will talk to her again about what they said, but in ways, I think the police are just fucking off because they do not want to get involved. :(

Oh and K_A, since when are the names Vincent and Dante so bad. (Honestly, I hate most boy names, and those were some of the few I actually liked. Gimme a girl, and I have quite a few names I like.)

May I ask how old you are?? Also why don't you have custody? why does your mom?... I know alot about custody. I could help you since my dad is a Divorce Lawyer and he handles cases with kids and who has custody of them.

[!King_Amazon!]

By this you mean you're 50 years old and you want to steal her kids away from her so you can do dirty things to them.

[The1]

By this you mean you're 50 years old and you want to steal her kids away from her so you can do dirty things to them.

No, Im 20... I just can't figure out why the mom has custody? If its her kid ???

[!King_Amazon!]

Sounds to me like the childrens' mother is a fuck up in life so her mom got handed the responsibility. If I were the father of her children I'd probably take them too.

I'm not saying I know anything about their situation, but she named her kids after video game characters, and judging by her profile she thinks about nothing but video games and the internet.

I mean, she's 23, and her mother has custody of her children, there's not much else to assume from that.

[Demosthenes]

No, Im 20...

That...is the saddest thing I have heard all week. Sadder than Hunsy's situation.

[!King_Amazon!]

That...is the saddest thing I have heard all week. Sadder than Hunsy's situation.
I know, it's kinda funny he didn't deny any of it aside from his age.

[Hunsy]

May I ask how old you are?? Also why don't you have custody? why does your mom?... I know alot about custody. I could help you since my dad is a Divorce Lawyer and he handles cases with kids and who has custody of them.

I am 23. My mom had custody because I gave it to her in hopes that it would help me to get my son back, because that meant there were custody papers and the police wouldn't tell me "well there is no custody set", but it obviously didn't help. I gave her custody just before my second try to go to CO and get him. Before that, there was no "custody". I knew that because I had already been through it with my first son when my ex-mother-in-law took my child and played car tag with him to keep him from me because she wanted him.

[Demosthenes]

I know, it's kinda funny he didn't deny any of it aside from his age.

Well, not just that, but the fact he's 20. And that dumb.

[!King_Amazon!]

If there was no custody, how did you give custody to your mother?

[Hunsy]

Sounds to me like the childrens' mother is a fuck up in life so her mom got handed the responsibility. If I were the father of her children I'd probably take them too.

I'm not saying I know anything about their situation, but she named her kids after video game characters, and judging by her profile she thinks about nothing but video games and the internet.

I mean, she's 23, and her mother has custody of her children, there's not much else to assume from that.

My mom HAD custody of ONE of my children, for the reason I just mentioned. The other I have custody of.

I am the top of my class in school, and I hardly have time for video games even if I wanted to play them often. In all honesty, I have played very few games.

Also, if I was fucked up or something, the times that my ex-mother-in-law called CPS on me in hopes that they would take Vincent and give him to her, they would have taken him. But, both times they came and said "this is all crazy".

[Hunsy]

If there was no custody, how did you give custody to your mother?

I mean there were no legal papers stating custody. By all means, I had sole custody, but without papers to prove that, the police just tell you to fuck yourself. Apparently, even with papers, they do the same thing. Just like if someone take you to court to sue you, you are the one that has to prove it, they don't have to do anything. So, I call the police, and even if I had papers to state custody, and the father did as well, and I have the custody, he doesn't have to show the cops shit, I do.

[Willkillforfood]

Send it in to a major news network too >_>. Haha, really pisses authorities off when they get called out on T.V. =D.

[Thanatos]

Why are you such a dick-gobbling douchebag? You don't know this person, you're making half-assed assumptions. Grow up, asshole.

Vincent and Dante are badass names and I hope everything works out for you, Hunsy.

[!King_Amazon!]

Does this mean you're giving up on Klo?

[KagomJack]

You poor thing! I hope everything gets resolved. The advice given is pretty sound on the forums.

[Demosthenes]

I am really trying to find a way also to avoid lawyers and courts. I have enough legal issues with my son here, and I would like to find a way to try and make this as painless as possible.

From what I can deduce from your situation it seems to me like you have little choice if you want your son back. I can understand that it is not what you want to do. Going through the courts makes broken bonds absolutely unmendable, and it is a hassle on everyone, however your babies' father seems to be a complete jackass. Your sons deserve a mother. In my opinion, you should do everything in your power to get them back. If they want to play hardball, play hardball.

Good luck to you.

[Hunsy]

From what I can deduce from your situation it seems to me like you have little choice if you want your son back. I can understand that it is not what you want to do. Going through the courts makes broken bonds absolutely unmendable, and it is a hassle on everyone, however your babies' father seems to be a complete jackass. Your sons deserve a mother. In my opinion, you should do everything in your power to get them back. If they want to play hardball, play hardball.

Good luck to you.

Yeah unfortunately I will probably have to go to court. God I hate courts and our legal system. I guess that is all that is left that is in my power now. Oh well, I guess if that is what it is really going to come down to then so be it. My kids deserve a father as well, I know that, and I never had any intentions of keeping him away from his family, but you are right, they also deserve a mother, and that is why I have been trying to get him back. I was just hoping for a better way.

Thanks eveyone, for your support. I really appreciate it.

[HandOfHeaven]

You seem more qualified to raise them, anyways. Who knows if he abuses them or not?

[Vollstrecker]

You seem more qualified to raise them, anyways. Who knows if he abuses them or not?

Honestly, you don't know any better of her, either. The internet is wonderfully anonymous, we can't make serious judgements based on hearsay evidence.

What's the age-old saying now? "All girls on the internet are guys and all children are FBI agents"?

[Hunsy]

You seem more qualified to raise them, anyways. Who knows if he abuses them or not?

I honestly don't know, but I am not going to say he is any less qualified than I am to raise children. It has always been my opinion, however, that it is the mother's place to raise the children, unless otherwise discussed by the parties involved. That in no way means that I think the father should not be involved at all.

[Lenny]

"On the internet, nobody knows you're a cat!" demonstrates it quite well too, I feel.

---

Good luck with your situation, Hunsy.

[!King_Amazon!]

Being a female doesn't make you any more qualified to raise a child than a male once a child is past breastfeeding. And really, breastfeeding isn't a necessity.

[Vollstrecker]

I honestly don't know, but I am not going to say he is any less qualified than I am to raise children. It has always been my opinion, however, that it is the mother's place to raise the children, unless otherwise discussed by the parties involved. That in no way means that I think the father should not be involved at all.

That's more of a conservative approach, however I would be lying if I didn't say that I see more women than men with the patience and love to raise a child.

[Demosthenes]

Being a female doesn't make you any more qualified to raise a child than a male once a child is past breastfeeding.

As a generalization, that's disputable.

[!King_Amazon!]

I don't really see how having a vagina makes a woman more qualified. You might say that women are more gentle than men in general, but that isn't always true. There are some very gentle men and very brutish women.

[Hunsy]

Being a female doesn't make you any more qualified to raise a child than a male once a child is past breastfeeding. And really, breastfeeding isn't a necessity.

One, I already stated that I was not saying that the father was any less qualified than the mother.

Two, I also stated, that it is my OPINION that a mother should do the general child rasing. Plus, the only reason breastfeeding is not an issue now is because we have formula. Otherwise, the mother would be needed in order for the baby to survive.

[Demosthenes]

I don't really see how having a vagina makes a woman more qualified. You might say that women are more gentle than men in general, but that isn't always true. There are some very gentle men and very brutish women.

Well, there is more of an evolutionary imperative for the mother to stay and nurture her child rather than the father due to the fact that the mother has a relatively limited number of gametes so she must nurture her young, whereas a father has practically an indefinite amount. The mother would have to adapt to be the natural nurturer.

Of course, you could make the counter-argument that the way that society is structured today the father may in fact be the better nurturer.

However, from the biological facts I have read it seems to me that the mother would be better in a natural setting to raise her young. There is circumstantial evidence for this. But this is just a generalization on my part. It is a theory I subscribe to. I never stated it as fact that the mother was better. I simply said that your statement was disputable.

[!King_Amazon!]

Alright well when we go back to living in caves I'll agree with you. Until then, I don't think gender really has that much to do with it. I've seen some really shitty moms and I've seen some really shitty dads.

[HandOfHeaven]

You don't have to bring in your parents as examples; we know.

[!King_Amazon!]

Good one slugger.

[Hunsy]

Alright well when we go back to living in caves I'll agree with you. Until then, I don't think gender really has that much to do with it. I've seen some really shitty moms and I've seen some really shitty dads.

Yeah, I don't think any of us are saying there are not shitty moms as well as dads. As far as shitty moms goes, my girlfriend's mom is a perfect example of just that. When Nyx was born, her mom took her to her mother's house for her parents to raise because she did not want to do it. Then, when she had Nyx's brothers, she tried to do the same thing, but this time her dad told her that they had already raised one child for her, and that she was damn well going to take her boys and take care of them. Even now, she does nothing but sit around and do drugs, living with her crippled mother, while expecting others to help her and raise her children for her. She even had the gall enough to tell me and Nyx when we spent the night over there to take care of Nyx's grandmother, that it was shitty of us to bring food over for ourselves and none for the boys, even though we gladly shared with them. Then, when we went to leave, we were leaving the food behind that was left over because we did not need it at the house, and her mom said "oh we don't need it".

So yes, there are bad mothers out there. I was not denying that. But, for the mothers who give a shit, and actually nurture their children, then it should be them who does the raising in my opinion. After all, mothers are the ones who carry and birth the child, and if it were not for advances, they would also always be feeding them in the first 6 months or so.

Honestly, I think we need more family values as it is. I am not saying the mother should stay home or anything, but people who get married should stay that way and raise the family they wanted to have. I understand there are some cases where the relationship between the mother and father is just in no way going to work, but there are too many cases where the couple just doesn't try at all. In this case, both the mother and father would have 100% active roles in the child’s life, rather than splitting it up to when the courts see fit.

[HandOfHeaven]

I used a Louisville on that one.

[Willkillforfood]

Gaara is the man. Hunsy, you seem to have your heart in the right place. Please don't take offense off anything you see on Zelaron. We're all dicks.

[Vollstrecker]

Honestly, I think we need more family values as it is. I am not saying the mother should stay home or anything, but people who get married should stay that way and raise the family they wanted to have. I understand there are some cases where the relationship between the mother and father is just in no way going to work, but there are too many cases where the couple just doesn't try at all. In this case, both the mother and father would have 100% active roles in the child’s life, rather than splitting it up to when the courts see fit.

Family values are an ever-changing concept, what most people perceive as traditional family values is rarely an opportunity these days outside of the upper middle class because it is nigh-impossible to have a family operating above the poverty level on the income of 1 parent.

[Hunsy]

Family values are an ever-changing concept, what most people perceive as traditional family values is rarely an opportunity these days outside of the upper middle class because it is nigh-impossible to have a family operating above the poverty level on the income of 1 parent.

That is true, but, having a family does not mean that only one parent works, while the other stays at home. I don't think that really the "traditional" family values of mom stays home, dad works is what we need, people just need to be more aware of what they are doing. Like I said before, there are some cases where it is just not going to be worked out, but most couples break up now a days for stupid reasons.