Jessifer
2005-12-25, 08:39 PM
So, my sister was in a relationship with a guy who was (and still is, mind you) incredibly emotionally attatched to her. From the family's point of view, it's rather weird...and almost frightening. He's almost...stalker-like in his actions. From the beginning all they ever did over the phone was argue, which was a big hint in my eyes that it would never work out. On the other hand though, they do honestly enjoy hanging out with each other.
He seems to have the mindset that he and she still have a chance to be together, even though she knows that she feels nothing for him.
So I've decided to take it upon myself to write him a letter, letting him know gently to back off, and to try to give him a glimpse of what she's going through. Below is what I have written so far. Before I send it however, I would like a male view of this situation. Perhaps anything else that should be added to the letter?
All comments (even negative, I don't mind) would be greatly appreciated.
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Any normal girl will jump into a relationship if she believes that there's a chance that it'll be "the real thing," even if she doesn't feel an initial spark. This is especially true when the guy she's in a relationship with in reality is a great guy when she hangs out with him. However, if things progress too quickly in her mind, even she will be frightened away, just as most stereotypical men would be if the roles were reversed. The thought of a lifetime together is a wonderful thing, but not when you're made to believe it will be right off the get-go.
Girls know that guys aren't perfect, yet every girl wants the perfect man. Yes, when put like that it's a conundrum, an impossible goal, but most flaws we can live with if we truly know that we love the man we're with. On the other hand though, if there are things that she cannot get past, such as extreme emotional attachment towards her when she's not used to it, when she knows that she's normally the one whom is attached, it can open her eyes to the problems with all of her past relationships. Sometimes it takes someone who's exactly like her to make her realize what she needs to change with herself. In the end, if she feels that she can not be with someone who's exactly like her, if she feels that there's no hope for a relationship, then it would be a waste of energy to continue to go after her.
Just because she doesn't love you, doesn't mean you can't still be friends, though in some cases it may be wise to limit contact with each other. Nor does that mean that no one will ever love you for who you are, because there are girls who can love an emotionally attached man. If you are this guy, there is nothing to gain but heartache in pursuing a love that never was and never will be.
He seems to have the mindset that he and she still have a chance to be together, even though she knows that she feels nothing for him.
So I've decided to take it upon myself to write him a letter, letting him know gently to back off, and to try to give him a glimpse of what she's going through. Below is what I have written so far. Before I send it however, I would like a male view of this situation. Perhaps anything else that should be added to the letter?
All comments (even negative, I don't mind) would be greatly appreciated.
-----
Any normal girl will jump into a relationship if she believes that there's a chance that it'll be "the real thing," even if she doesn't feel an initial spark. This is especially true when the guy she's in a relationship with in reality is a great guy when she hangs out with him. However, if things progress too quickly in her mind, even she will be frightened away, just as most stereotypical men would be if the roles were reversed. The thought of a lifetime together is a wonderful thing, but not when you're made to believe it will be right off the get-go.
Girls know that guys aren't perfect, yet every girl wants the perfect man. Yes, when put like that it's a conundrum, an impossible goal, but most flaws we can live with if we truly know that we love the man we're with. On the other hand though, if there are things that she cannot get past, such as extreme emotional attachment towards her when she's not used to it, when she knows that she's normally the one whom is attached, it can open her eyes to the problems with all of her past relationships. Sometimes it takes someone who's exactly like her to make her realize what she needs to change with herself. In the end, if she feels that she can not be with someone who's exactly like her, if she feels that there's no hope for a relationship, then it would be a waste of energy to continue to go after her.
Just because she doesn't love you, doesn't mean you can't still be friends, though in some cases it may be wise to limit contact with each other. Nor does that mean that no one will ever love you for who you are, because there are girls who can love an emotionally attached man. If you are this guy, there is nothing to gain but heartache in pursuing a love that never was and never will be.