How do you really give advice?

[Titusfied]

I mean really... If someone comes up to you and asks to talk, and it is something serious, how are you really supposed to give advice?

I sometimes feel that just sitting there and listening is the best remedy. Sometimes just letting them get something off their chest is the only way to go really. Just intently listening and asking questions to get them to get EVRYTHING off their chests usually works best IMO, but I usually only do that because I really don't know what to say...

Seriously though, if you don't have any past experience with something, but you know they really need advice, how do you help them...? :(

I'm just a little sad because I don't know how to help out one of my Ex's with her family problems. We are still really close, and its mutual that we can always rely on eachother, but some things are just out of my control to help with, and I wish they weren't... :(

I'm just sad.

[0nyx]

Hmmm .......

I think that giving advice is a very hard thing to do, it all depends on the situation.

If it envolves some thing that is harming some one then it is good to advise some one how to avoid it or get out of that situation.

If you feel that they may come to harm then all you can do is offer the person your information, what they do with it is up to them.

If they are just asking you because they can not make up their minds what to do, then maybe just listening will help them work out for them selves.

[Senesia]

Well, use words like "If I were you", "In my opinion,"...

Asking them questions instead would work, too. Try to relate their situations to something...you have experienced...

[Shining Knights]

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

[Titusfied]

Its a little hard to just blow someone off that has had such a big impact in your life. Its like your mom coming up to you and saying, "I have breat cancer," and you replying with, "Well, walk it off bitch..."

Some things are easier said than done, and I just feel helpless.

[kaos]

Or the next best thing, tell them to jump off a cliff. It gets them off your back and they don't have to suffer life anymore, those cheap bastards, can't even get a psychiatrist.

[Shining Knights]

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

[Titusfied]

Hey, if she is, that is quite fine by me. Everyone can use a shoulder to lean on sometime in their life. :(

[Shining Knights]

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

[zagggon]

i usually give them advice by giving them advice, dang titus you sure do ask some random stuff sometimes which is good i guess. ill try to start doing it.... got stuff coming to mind already

[Senesia]

Thats called fake friendship. And I hate being used. I've been used for three years, being vented on. Sucked so much.

I don't think that is the case for Titus, as he has stated...she is still very close to him and they rely on each other. It is not like she uses him exclusively for venting.

[Sqrl]

You just have to listen to what they say, and then speak from your heart as if it was you in the situation. This only tends to work if you have decent morals and know right from wrong though. ^_^

Yes Billy, I think you should kill all those sons of bitches! Make em pay!

[Titusfied]

Yes, Senesia is right. I think at this point in my life I can tell who is using me and who isn't. If she wants to use me for sexual favors, I might just be obliged to let it go. ;)

Nah, but seriously, Shinto, this is nothing like you're describing.

[Shining Knights]

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

[J_iceman]

So I guess Titus has a soft spot :-P
This is a time where you can find REAL friends
Listening is a good step forward.
Telling her that you will always be there if she needs you will also help. Make her feel that she has someone to back her up with what ever she chooses to do.

If you know that the choice she makes is a bad one, explain to her in detail so that she would also put that into consideration.
If you do not know what option to choose, you should ask for questions, show her that you are interested in helping her find the answer (which goes back to listening)
And if you STILL don’t know then ask !!!! I am good at solving some problems myself.
Or ask Senesia or 0nyx, they seem to know how to listen!
just make sure you dont keep that bottled up inside you, she might mess YOUR life up, as i've seen happen several times now :-(

[DrowningOnAir]

A nie big hug helps. Just a nice big hug and they always feel better. :D

[Kaneda]

You just have to listen to what they say, and then speak from your heart as if it was you in the situation. This only tends to work if you have decent morals and know right from wrong though. ^_^


Just the complete truth is the best. Don't give them advice that will make them feel better, don't play w/ thier emotions. It may hurt, but the truth and telling them the right thing to do is always best in the long run. Thats what I do w/ my hosebeast EX. Gawd, just thinking about her gives me chills.

[Kuja`s #1]

Try to imagine yourself in that person's position. Think hard and give'em advice. I know cuz a friend of mine had a dad that drank to much. So I thought about it very hard and I told him that even if he's your father, call the cops. Not just for your, but his benifit as well.

[Titusfied]

Just the complete truth is the best. Don't give them advice that will make them feel better, don't play w/ thier emotions. It may hurt, but the truth and telling them the right thing to do is always best in the long run. Thats what I do w/ my hosebeast EX. Gawd, just thinking about her gives me chills.

Heh, now that I'm reading all of these, this could be one of the best opinions, IMHO that is. :)

[Kuja]

Well i beleive the best way to help someone is to let them help themself.
I mean most time everyone know whats best for themself it s better to guide them to their own awnser instead of trying to give them some choice.

Because by giving choice you actualy decide for the person and you really dont help cause it s gonna become a habit and each time they gona have a problem it s someone else that gonna solve it make them depending of other.


Well thats what i think anyway. ;)

[zagggon]

So I guess Titus has a soft spot lol yea for sex who doesent? If your gf thinks she is the one taking advantage of you cuzz all she wants is sex then marry her hella fast

[J_iceman]

So I guess Titus has a soft spot lol yea for sex who doesent? If your gf thinks she is the one taking advantage of you cuzz all she wants is sex then marry her hella fast

you have just answered all what men is looking for

[Titusfied]

Nah, it isn't all about sex, just a good majority of it. ;)

[J_iceman]

yeah well a good sex life is a good and healthy relationship O_o

[Kuja]

Yeah well man wont need woman anymore when they invent dishwasher that give blowjob.

[Shining Knights]

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

[slaynish]

This girl cried tonite at the movies because her bf broke up with her and shes my friend, we tried to get caleb to talk to her but he just keeps backing down and i say what the hell dude why did u break up with her anyway shes like fucking beautiful and hes like, um i dunno

And this other girl cried bcuz her best friend is going out with this guy she likes and i dont know anything about that but i hate to see girls cry it fucking sucks, its like christ, i would never let a girl cry, never make her cry i would kill myself.

[zagggon]

i want head....bad

[Sovereign]

Heres my advice. Show him/her some porn on ur comp, then slowly start "petting" her. Then go down her pants. And then you know how to take ti from there. Works well most times.

[Titusfied]

There is nothing wrong wth a guy that cries, just don't make it a daily occurence. If you really care about a girl and shit hits the fan, there is nothing wrong with letting the water works flow.

[Silverjinx18]

I usually do the same thing Titus does...letting them talk to most helps because they think they are helping themselfs and you are there to guide them and make them feel better...if you don't know much about the topic then say so...don't let them make a mistake...tell them to talk to someone else, but you could still listen to them to make them feel better...

[Sovereign]

Just tellum like it is. Dont sugar coat the bullshit.

[J_iceman]

i hate to see girls cry it fucking sucks, its like christ, i would never let a girl cry, never make her cry i would kill myself. dam i guess we DO have something in common, i would rather have her break up with me than to see a woman's heart brake before my eyes!!

Heres my advice. Show him/her some porn on ur comp, then slowly start "petting" her. Then go down her pants. And then you know how to take ti from there. Works well most times. well doing that will make you find out if she's freaky or not, .......good idea :-P